Feeling selfish and awful about considering stopping breastfeeding

[iwantchoco]

My baby is still exclusively breastfed, it's been a struggle and they are allergic to cows milk protein, eggs, wheat and soya. My diet has gotten more and more restricted with everything I have to eliminate from it. Finally we are seeing massive improvements and I'm relieved we've gotten to the bottom of it but I'm finding it so relentless, the label checking, being too concerned to eat out anywhere, cooking separate meals, worrying about may contains. I miss most of my favourite foods. I was already vegetarian so I'm now vegan but avoiding soya and wheat too is so incredibly limiting. I feel so guilty stopping breastfeeding when he's had such a hard time with all these allergies and I want what's best for him and I know all the benefits of breastfeeding. I also know how he's finally settled and all of the trial and error of which formula could set him back too. So is it ok? Am I being selfish?

How old is your baby? Some people might feel that is important. I personally think that if you've got past the first couple of months you've done VERY well under those circs. I EBF my two (I did try to get some formula in with the second since he was an awful sleeper and expressing didn't work with him either) ended up BF until they were 18 months old but I could have stopped with either after a fortnight, I found it difficult. You sound like you've done very well. Don't beat yourself up.

I am not sure the word 'selfish' is helpful. All mothers make choices that prioritise their own needs at times - not doing so would be very unhealthy. Mothers also make choices that prioritise the baby's needs at times. Trading these two things is really tough. Only you can decide and no one else has the right to judge these balanced choices.

It sounds very difficult having such a limited diet.

If I was in two minds I would say 'I'll do it another week while I make up my mind'.

If you feel a huge sense of relief at the thought of stopping, then it’s time to stop. That’s how I decided anyway.

If I were you I’d try to introduce formula as gradually as you can though to let his digestive system get used to it.

No it’s not selfish to stop breastfeeding, ever, for any reason.
What you have to ask yourself is whether it is worth the risk changing now you have a feeding method that works. I went from normal formula to an allergen one and it was hard. The special formula does not taste nice and you have the added change going from breast to bottle. Don’t kid yourself it will an easy option.

You are absolutely not being selfish! You will be a better mum and will have more energy if you are eating better.

What is the advice from an allergy expert? I'd probably soldier on if it was best for the baby as you'll probably end up feeling so guilty anyway. Maybe give it a time limit? Eg 2 more months so there's an end point. I understand how you feel, I had GD when pregnant and the diet was incredibly restrictive but I knew it was for a limited time and best for my baby (I managed to control it without medication, but it was very hard). I do feel for you!

Amino acid formula tastes seriously nasty, mine was only CMPA, but we tried a few. If you can hold onto 1 year and move to something tasty like barista oat milk you might find it easier (so much tastier than cow milk too, ive switched permanently). I was dairy and soya free and vegetarian for my second just in case (after my severely allergic first), and that was hard enough for those few months. I'd have been going nuts without bread and pasta! Depending on their age, could you trial prescription alternatives to see if they would accept it?

Not in the least bit selfish. Look after your mental health and happiness, the baby will be happy being fed and having a less stressed mother. Your family are a unit, it’s important to make sure everyone is happy, fed, and as stress free as you can make it. Don’t feel guilty at all.

You are nor selfish for wanting to stop at all. This sounds very similar to my experience first time round, I was on such a restricted diet due to suspected allergies it was so tough. I was miserable but persevered until she could go onto oat milk.
I didn't realise the toll this had taken until I started breastfeeding my second. Everytime she cried I went into a panic about what she'd eaten. In the end I decided to stop after a month. I felt so guilty about it but it was definitely the best decision for us and we are both doing so well.
I hope things start to get easier for you soon.

I'm an avid BF supporter, but that sounds so draining!!! I don't think anyone could fault you for stopping: it's mentally taxing enough to look after a whole other person 100% of the time. Dropping all that stress could make a massive beneficial impact on your energy to bond and play with your child. They've had lots of BM until now with its nutricion, and it's not like formula is toxic sludge. It's carefully monitored baby food. If you want to stop BF, then do it.