Feel guilty at not enjoying being a mum

[amyandezra]

My baby is almost 11 months old and I go back to work next week. It’s just hit me that maternity leave is over, and I am looking forward to going back.. mainly so I can have some time to myself. This is making me feel really guilty. I’m only going to be working 3 days a week, but I’m really hoping it’ll make me cherish the days I have with him more, rather than just seeing it as a tedious thing that I have to get through.

He has always been a very sensitive, spirited, grumpy baby, with strong opinions, very clingy, cries a lot, and just generally very unhappy. I’ve always thought this was out of frustration, he got a bit better when he started to bum shuffle, now all he wants to do is walk but can’t without our help. I’m really hoping when he can be more independent that we will have a bit more happiness in our lives, because some days I really feel like he’s sucking the life out of me. He still wakes every couple of hours during the night and has been doing so since birth. We’re sleep deprived, exhausted, fed up, tired, and I just want to know I’m not the only one who has felt this way.

I know they say you should cherish the baby times when they are young, and I’m really trying, but it’s so hard when 85% of your day is filled with screaming and whinging..

Sigh.

Don't feel guilty, as well as being a mum you are also a person in your own right, and how you feel is valid. I found going back to work a game charger for me, the balance was brilliant and I enjoyed time with my DCs so much more. I also found maternity leaves hard, but really fell in love with the next stage of motherhood which for me was returning to work and them going to childcare (which they loved!).

Be kind to yourself, don't feel guilty, imagine a friend said that they were going back to work soon and as much as they loved their child they were excited for a bit more balance; I doubt you'd say to them they should feel guilty or whatever!

Don’t feel guilty. I felt pretty much the same - also had a very highly strung child.

The good news is that my DS got a lot happier as he got older (he’s 2 now) and so was much nicer company.

I work 4 days a week and now really enjoy the 1 day I have just me and DS, I can actually relax and enjoy being with him.

Do you get any time for yourself at the weekends?

Sleep is difficult. We did sleep training at 6 months which was life changing. If you’re going to do sleep training I would recommend doing it now, it will only get harder as he gets older. So then you’ll be waiting till it naturally gets better on its own… which could be a long wait.

Gosh don't feel guilty so many mums feel like this!!

I loved going back to work and have adult conversation, laugh at adult jokes, talk about holidays and cooking and fashion without a screaming baby. It was lovely.

My DS was a grump too, always crying about something he couldn't do developmentally. Walk/crawl/grab etc. As soon as he turned 2 and could communicate and walk he was a dream and us been so easy every since. I hated the 6month-1year bit soo much.

Enjoy being back at work, starting to feel like you, earning money and getting those brain cogs going again.

You son won't even remember pretty much anything before the age of 5 anyway! We seem to think the things we do have such a big impact on our children and they don't even remember most of it!

I really only started to enjoy motherhood when I went back to work part time, and didn't have the endless days alone with my son. Work gave me a break, and I had more energy for the days I had with him.
On mat leave with my second and looking forward to going back again for the same reason!