I seem to have lost myself

[MsMH]

I hope this doesn't sound too odd. I had my son 20 months ago. I had PTSD after giving birth as my experience was awful and since then have suffered with anxiety and generally feeling overwhelmed with life.
I realised last week that I have completely lost a sense of who I am. I have no hobbies, a very limited social life. My life consists of work, chores and looking after my little boy and husband. I would do anything for my family and I love them dearly but I'm not happy myself. I don't know how to get myself back. I used to love to travel and exercise and to set myself fun challenges but with a toddler in tow I can't picture it any more and I'm lacking in motivation.
Does anyone have any suggestions?

Why are you looking after your husband? Is he pulling his weight with parenting?

He's great with parenting but gets stressed easily so I feel like I have to keep an eye on that and step in when I start to see things getting too much for him. He's a very hands on Dad generally.

He's great with parenting but gets stressed easily so I feel like I have to keep an eye on that and step in when I start to see things getting too much for him

I think you need to be completely honest with yourself here. Do you think his stress levels mean he’s a danger to your son if left alone? Or do you think his stress levels mean he wouldn’t parent to the same standard as you, but would overall do an okay job? If it’s the latter I think you need to loosen your control and let the 2 of them find their way. Let him do bedtime a few nights a week or split weekends so you can find some time.

If it’s the former I think you have bigger fish to fry than lack of hobbies.

Definitely not a danger. I care about my husband and if he's stressed I feel the need to help. Like if I was stressed I would want him to help too. We support each other.

Thats fair, but you probably have to accept than that time for hobbies is going to be limited if you have to be around just in case your husband gets stressed.

Sorry, I don't think I was very clear in my post. It's not so much a case of not having the time as we've discussed giving each other breaks and want to arrange that for each other. I just seem to have lost my mojo completely. For example a few weeks ago I booked a day off work when my little boy was at nursery but I couldn't figure out what to do with myself. It was like once childcare, work and chores were taken away I have nothing left. I'm not sure if that makes any sense.

I ended up going to a sci-fi exhibition as I couldn't think of anything else to do. I don't even like sci-fi that much 😂

I know exactly what you mean. The midwife asked me, after the birth of DC1, when I'd started feeling like myself again. I didn't know what to say. I wish I had good news but it's not come back, for me.
I think though, looking back, what I should have done is do the things I used to enjoy, until I started to enjoy them again? Worth a try?

Yes, that's exactly it. The feeling of being myself hasn't come back. I used to love running and I could try that but I've gained some weight and I'm feeling a bit self conscious. I should probably just give it a go though and hope I don't bump into someone I know!

I would. I started running recently, although my DC were born several years ago. Although I still don't feel like me, properly, I find it makes me feel a bit more optimistic in general, which helps.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who felt like this though!

Think sometimes it’s useful to adjust your expectations too. You’re very busy and will be for some time so won’t have a lot of time for yourself even with husband helping out. Also I think your identity and the person you are does change a bit after having children. I’ll never be the same person as I was before. You can still have hobbies but it’ll never be quite the same.

Yes, it's nice to hear I'm not the only one with this but obviously I'm sorry you've been experiencing it too!

Do you have any "static" hobbies? My hobbies are reading, fiction writing, video games, board games and tabletop RP. Most of those are easily done while the kids (2.5 yrs and 8 months) are sleeping, and the others can easily be organised for days the kids are in nursery.