Is this normal behaviour?

[Bullzeye]

Background-
I cosleep with my baby but the only way he has gone to sleep previously has been by rocking him. He has never gone to sleep easily, its always been endless rocking and shushing and he fights it and screams. He also wont sleep when we are out in public or in the catseat.

When he is asleep he has to be on my body and isn't happy lying next to me in bed even though I'm super close to him. I can't do this anymore as I'm starting to get bad back and shoulder pain from the constant weight on my arms. He is a really big baby.

Last night I lay DS next to me and comforted him until he fell asleep. He was having none of it. 2 hours had gone by and he had been awake over 3.5 hours now (super overtired). He was staring at the ceiling and kicking his legs for about 2 hours and the final hour he screamed until he was a little sick. 3 hours In total until he finally fell asleep 😪

I was lying next to him and offering comfort the whole time as I am not comfortable to do cry it out method. This was pretty traumatic as I could just see how tired he was and wouldn't bloody give in!! I just want him to learn that he needs to sleep on the mattress and not on me. I cant believe it took 3 hours for him to fall asleep. I would understand if I had left him but the fact I was lying with him just makes me worry if he will ever be comfortable to sleep on his own.

Throughout the night, he woke every hour crying with the realisation I wasn't holding him. He settled quickly as I breastfeed him to sleep lying down and he would fall asleep at the breast quite happily.

Is this normal? Or do I just have a super fussy and stubborn baby?

Forgot to mention baby is 4.5 months old.

It sounds completely normal to me! You’re 100% right, if you’ve reached tipping point with his preferred method of sleep (aka on you) then you need to make a change. You and I can see it’s not a huge change - he’s still right next to you, just not on you - but to him he’s thinking ‘Wtf, we had a perfectly lovely setup - why are you changing it?!’ and it feels like a HUGE difference to him. But he doesn’t realise that sleeping on top of you is not sustainable or even comfortable for you at all!

I’d say, keep going. Hold him close, lots of cuddles, right next to you in the bed. Would you try him on his tummy, and you stroke or rub his back? Most babies prefer being on their front, they just don’t realise it yet!

No I might try the tummy thanks! I've been thinking about doing the Ferber sleep training to be honest but I feel like he's a little young. I don't wanna keep making changes I know I need to stick to one. I just hate seeing him cry 😢

100000% normal!!

I've coslept with my baby since birth and she's 7 months now.

She falls asleep next to me in bed whilst being breastfed. If my boob falls out her mouth she usually wakes until I put it back unless she's in a deep sleep.

I then leave her for a couple of hours, chill downstairs and then go back up when I'm ready for bed. She will wake when she's hungry/wants comfort and I'll just pop my boob back in.

Absolutely normal!

Just on the ‘tummy’ advice - be aware that cot death peaks at about 4 months (they’re more at risk then than when they’re tiny and look more vulnerable). That’s obviously linked to being on their front, so probably not a risk lots of people would take.

I'd be quite happy with this if I got a couple hours of peace. He's never allowed me to put him down without waking so I have to spend my whole evening in bed just reading or on my phone.

Glad I'm not the only one shoving a boob in the mouth 🤣

Absolute normal! My eldest had silent reflux and just wasn’t comfortable on her back. And was ebf so liked being close to me. But I got her in a cot at 4 months, Lots of late night rocking and shushing!
I did gentle sleep training at 7 months with my first baby and found it hard work. You have to be absolutely persistent with some babies, through coughs and viruses and teething and growth spurts and night terrors and goodness knows what else! Success eventually, though it felt earned.

Ferber-type sleep-training has worked for a lot of mums through many generations but most mums these days go for something gentler. I say - do what feels right for you and your baby. There is no single perfect answer.

You will meet mums with babies who sleep easily. And others whose babies wake every 30 mins for months on end. It can be brutally hard work, stay strong and remember in the daytime the housework REALLY doesn’t matter!

@Bullzeye she wasn't always like that! For the first 3 months I used to hold her and keep her on me downstairs.

I started putting her down around 4 months and her stretches started off around 30 mins and has elongated to 2 hours over the last 3 months.

As PP said you have to do whatever is right for you.

I couldn't bring myself to sleep training. My 2 year old was a difficult sleeper too (and still is!), but we found a way that works for all of us. I wish I could have sleep trained her though cause I probably would have a lot more sleep!

Last night I tried to let him cry but offering comfort throughout. He screamed for 4 hours. He was like don't you dare leave me in my cot!! He's very clingy bless him.

Safe to say I will not be able to do sleep training i cant cope with the crying. In the meantime I'm just gonna focus on letting him sleep next to me (NOT ON ME) and reruce night feeds. During the day I will continue with contact naps but reduce the rocking.

This boy just loves his mama