Advice about birthday party for autistic 4 year old

[Blueypartymummy]

My daughter will turn 4 soon and I'm not sure whether to have a birthday party and would really appreciate some advice.

I only have a handful of people to invite and am worried people will not accept the invite or worse, not turn up. I could probably make up numbers by inviting some people from a mums group I belong to, but that feels a bit desperate/ sad.

My DD is probably autistic and had problems socially at preschool (bullying) so we took her out. Whilst she struggles socially she is very intelligent and masks well and would love to have friends. She did have 2 friends at preschool but have not seen them for months...

Part of me feels like a birthday might be a good opportunity to reach out to other parents and try and build friendships for my daughter.

On the other hand, I think of how she will feel if we have a party and she has the realisation that she does not really have any friends there.

If I do invite the preschool friends, how should I word the text message? Should I just invite them or acknowledge to the mums that we have not seen them for months as my daughter is no longer at preschool?

My daughter would absolutely love to maintain a friendship with these children (who she knew for 2 years from nursery) but I have not been in contact since she left. She has had lots of health issues and it has been a hard time. 1 of the children has since had a birthday and not invited my daughter. The other child has a birthday close to my daughter's so I feel like the parents might just refuse out of awkwardness as I would not expect a reciprocal invite.

Honestly I wouldn't bother with a birthday party. They are so expensive and my daughter is also 4 and wasn't bothered in the slightest about not having one. It would be difficult to form friendships in a busy group setting like that. I'd focus on reaching out to the preschool friends individually. You could just say that your dd has been talking about x recently and would they like to come around or meet somewhere for a playdate? Then they have no need to feel awkward about not inviting your dd to their child's birthday. If they politely decline then you know how they feel without the anxiety and worry of people not coming to a party.

I think it would be a nice idea to do something, particularly if she needs friends. I would invite the two old friends from pre school, a good chance to reconnect and it doesn't matter that you've not seen them for a while. How about family? Are you friendly with neighbours? I always use to invite the lady next door even though she was much older as my children grew up knowing her and they liked her and her them. Mums group why not.. but maybe keep it fairly small and not too many if your Dd will struggle, and maybe a traditional party with games, pass the parcel etc. Perhaps an easy craft for any children too. Good luck

I think I would leave it this year and go for a nice family day out somewhere. Realistically the friendships have now died as is normal as children move on to different settings and I would focus on working on social skills with DD before she starts school. Then next year support DD in making friends and having play dates so when it gets to her birthday she'll have people to invite.

My ASD DD enjoys going to other people's houses but does not like having people in her space. You may find it useful to have playdates at venues or parks instead of your house.

I would invite the friends she has asked for. It's a perfect reason to get back in touch with them. Get in touch by text or phone call before you send an invite to reconnect and to be sure they will actually come.
Parties for 4 year olds are best kept very small and very simple.

Would she enjoy a party? Or would she rather do something else?

Honestly I think you should do something she enjoys and not worry at this point about trying to make friends for her via a birthday party. Once she starts school she will have an opportunity to build more lasting friendships with support from the school. To try and do a party with children she doesn't know may potentially be stressful for her.

My autistic DS just has a family meal for his birthday every year with extended family members with party food, a cake, balloons and a few games we play as a family. He can't manage anything else and he is happy with that.

My autistic eldest DD had only a few parties when she was older in primary school, but at 4 it wasn't an issue. We just went to soft play or did something she liked for the day. She has struggled with friendships through primary, but still had a group of friends and in secondary school has found her 'people'. There is lots of time still for your daughter to make friends.

We just had my DD4’s birthday, we invited one slighter older child who she has had in the house before. The day itself is an overload as is so different to a standard day, I wanted her to feel safe and as able to communicate her wishes as possible. It went really, really well. You don’t have to go with perceived societal norms!

Don’t. Invite the friends for a play date at a different time. Then plan a birthday trip to a fun place like the zoo.

I’m doing a 2nd birthday party and the invites will all be going out to people he has his toddler classes/playgroups with. But they don’t really have friends at this age so it may be different for you 🤷‍♀️