Daughter prefers dad

[EAEO]

my Daughter turned two last month and for months now has shown a real preference for her dad. I work PT and when we’re just together it’s ok (although she often asks where he is). When it’s all of us she loves cuddling and climbing on her dad while saying things like ‘I want to bite/pinch mummy’. On the occasions that she’s actually tried to hurt me I’ve stopped her and said that I can’t let her hurt me but that I’m here. She then immediately wants a cuddle from her dad.

I really just don’t see how to make it better and can’t help but feel it’s something I’ve done/not done. Everything I’ve read is of mums saying the opposite, that their baby only wants them, which kind of makes me feel even worse! Has anyone had something like this?

They go through stages. Only want mum. Only want dad.

One of mine had a three month stage where only the childminder would do.

Thanks for your reply. I totally appreciate the phase thing but this has been months so I’m not sure that it’s a phase more just what it’s like?

We have been in this position for over a year now. DD starting showing a preference just before age one. She is now over 2 years old and it has only become worse. Everyone e says it is a phase but going on over a year it really feels like it isn't a phase. It is really hard especially because I am with her more - it would be easier on us if she showed some preference for me but never has done.

Exactly the same. It’s really, really tough, isn’t it?

If you put yourself in her shoes could there be good reasons? Eg often mums do all the boring routine stuff and dads come home from work and play and tickle, so of course dad’s going to seem more fun. If it’s something like that are there things you could do to shift the balance in your family? Eg dad cooks dinner a few nights and you get to do the fun play time where you don’t have any housework on your mind? Could there be reasons she’s annoyed with you (at that age it’s likely to be apparently small stuff like you make her out her coat on and eat her veg etc!) - do you acknowledge her anger with you in the moment so that it doesn’t build up and wait til dad’s home? Is dad perhaps more easygoing with letting her feel her feelings?

Thanks for your message. Yeah, so physically, I’m a bit shit at carrying her/throwing her about etc. but we’re really pretty even with chores etc. we split bedtimes, both play (in our own ways etc.)

when she’s angry I do acknowledge it, yeah. She’s only just two and she’s started telling me she’s cross, which I think is pretty amazing of her - I tell her that! I’ll say it’s ok for her to be angry, and that I’m there if/when she wants me. I sit with her until it ends and then we move on. If she says she doesn’t like me, I’ll tell her that I love her regardless. I feel like I’ve worked hard to follow the ideas that resonate with me, but I guess that makes it harder in a way. Like, I believe in the things I’m doing so if it’s not working then the problem must just fundamentally be with me. But I suppose I need to try and remember that what I consider to be ‘not working’ might not be right.

apologies if none of this makes sense!

It does make sense!

Maybe it’s just a personality thing - she just prefers dad! There’s always people in life we resonate with more than others and that’s okay. Where it isn’t okay is the meaning you’re making of it i.e. that there must be something wrong with you or something you’re doing wrong. From what you’ve said, I think you can be reassured on those points for what it’s worth, but ultimately that’s something you have to believe for yourself.

I'm in the exact same boat as you. My 20 month old only seems to want me for cuddles at night or when he's hungry. He loves to play with his Dad though and will always choose him over me to spend time with during the day. I wish I could say I don't get jealous but I really do!

Yes I've seen this happen. Dad has novelty value. I bet if you were working full-time and her dad was with her most of the time it would be the other way round!

Any update? I’m going though this now and hoping it’s just a phase.

My daughter is a huge daddy's girl. I love it, I'm at home with her as I'm a SAHM so I like that when he's here she wants him rather than me so h get a break