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Original poster

Toddler screamed for 3 hours last night. Advice please!

30 replies

Jet888 · 16/04/2023 07:26

Help me...
2.9 year old always been great sleeper until last few weeks....
Can still get him down at 7 as usual, but he has then been waking few hours later and crying. The crying turns into screaming, shouting and screeching and lasts for hours. We tried ignoring for a while to see if he'd settle but he wouldn't. We tried going in and resettling at increasing intervals, controlled crying style, but that seemed to make no difference. I tried the shuffle method (moving closer towards door gradually) but after 45 minutes he still starts screaming if he realises im not in the room. He seriously has been crying/screaming for 3 hours most nights and it's killing me.
I don't want to instill habits I don't want to continue like sleeping in his room or co-sleeping but need to know if anyone has had same problem and fixed it. Or did it just end as quickly as it suddenly started? He is warm enough, had calpol at times in case of teeth, not seeming to have nightmares etc.
Sorry for long post, I'm desperate

OP posts:
serafinarose · 16/04/2023 09:00

This probably won't be much help but my DC went through a similar phase just recently. Every night awake between 1-4am. No apparent reason. Went on for a couple of months.

In the end I stopped trying to get him back to sleep and just brought him downstairs, lay him on my lap and put Planet Earth on until he went back to sleep.

After about a week of that he started sleeping through again. Absolutely no clue what was going on there, sorry I know it's not a lot of help.

I trawled MN for clues at the time, as you probably have, but consensus seemed to be that it's just a phase, sometimes connected to something happening developmentally, and they tend to get past it within a few weeks.

Fivebyfive2 · 16/04/2023 09:55

Go in and cuddle him? Read a story/put an audio book on? Bring him downstairs and reset/ask him what's wrong? If he's up screaming for hours op I think you need to try different things to comfort/calm him rather than basically leaving him to it from fear of "instilling habits". Hopefully it's just a phase and he settles into sleeping well again soon. Xx

LittleBearPad · 16/04/2023 09:57

I’d get him up, bring him downstairs and have another go after 30 minutes/an hour. I also wouldn’t worry about bad habits. Good luck

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DigbyTheDigger · 16/04/2023 10:00

DD did this, it was night terrors, she'd wake up at about 9.30 screeching the place down. We had to snap her out of it, so we used to get her up out of bed and put some calming TV on, or if it was still light we'd look at trees in the garden. As soon as she was calm we could put her back to sleep, otherwise she couldn't be reasoned with.

7Worfs · 16/04/2023 10:01

Around that age ours had a few weeks of bad dreams - would wake up 1-2 hours after bedtime, drenched in sweat, and exhausted & confused.
We’d just hold him and lie down with him until he fell asleep again.

Don’t leave your very young child crying alone in the dark.

Oopswediditagain2023 · 16/04/2023 10:07

How is his communication? Is he able to tell you what it is that's wrong? My DD went through this stage (not screaming but waking up and wouldn't be settled). We found having a small night light was good. Are there any changes in his life? A new baby? New routine? New school? Potty training? Something which could have "jarred" him?
Is he using you as a comfort? If he is, maybe try getting a special cuddly toy that he chooses from the shop and make a big deal of it being a very special toy for very special little boys that will look after him through the night etc.
I'd really discourage the going downstairs and putting the tv on etc and is it needs to be clear to him that this is night time and night time is for sleep.

LapinR0se · 16/04/2023 10:09

Is he still napping?

strawberry2017 · 16/04/2023 10:58

Night light?
What does he say is wrong?

Original poster
Jet888 · 16/04/2023 13:59

Thanks all. We've started leaving door open which he likes as has some light from night light in hall and his napping is on/off. Some days yes to a nap, some he won't settle. No changes at all but he has got very, very into 'mummy' recently and very grumpy with most other people, apart from grandad! Communication is ok but not developed enough to explain - his actions are suggesting he just doesn't like being left and wants mummy there all night!
I'm really hoping it's just a development phase, he has also been way more tantrumming, foot stamping etc during day too. Dh just got him off to a nap sitting outside his door for 30 minutes so we'll try that tonight. Strength please...

OP posts:
LapinR0se · 16/04/2023 15:34

I would do zero nap consistently now and a 6.45pm bedtime

Original poster
Jet888 · 30/04/2023 20:42

God it's getting worse and worse as days go on...we're doing gradual retreat but doesn't seem to be working. He had started by waking around 2am and needing half hour to get back to sleep. Last few nights it was midnight, next night 10pm, tonight his first wake up is was only 1.5 hours after he's gone to bed and its taking 1.5/2 hours for him to get back to sleep. Been going on 2.5 weeks now... so horrendous

OP posts:
SpringNotSprung · 30/04/2023 20:47

It may be a good idea to have his ears checked. Rule it out at least.

Nereides · 30/04/2023 20:58

For goodness sake just cuddle your little one when he needs you. Comforting your child does not create bad habits. For whatever reason he needs support and love right now, it’s probably a phase and will pass.

ChiaraRimini · 30/04/2023 21:01

I see it's been suggested but take him to GP to check for ear infection and/or anything else
My youngest had recurrent ear infections which screwed up her sleep ...

Correlation · 30/04/2023 21:10

He’s a very young child - of course he wants Mummy with him all night. That’s natural. I don’t understand all these “methods” for getting children to sleep. Why can’t you just bring him downstairs with you or into your bed/another bed with you if he won’t settle?

Thepossibility · 30/04/2023 21:38

I'd lay down in bed with him before he works himself up into a state.
He's probably scared and you inching away from him is probably making him more upset.
I sleep with my 3yo for similar reasons.

justasking111 · 30/04/2023 21:51

If he's in a bed buy a small double and climb in with him. Night terrors are distressing for everyone. You can go back to your own bed once it's all over if you're still awake. It will pass. The bed is handy whenever they're poorly too

Maray1967 · 30/04/2023 21:54

I did the repeated putting down and leaving - but with a happy 2 year old who was messing about not upset. In your case I’d get in bed with him and snuggle down with him. When he wakes in the night bring him into yours. It might go on for a bit but it doesn’t last forever.

sunshineandtea · 30/04/2023 21:59

Sorry no help as I co-slept with all mine.

Sounds as though he doesn't want to be alone. If he knows you're going to disappear once he lies down it's pretty obvious he will scream til you come back.

Up to you what you do, but personally I'd take the quietest approach and get in my PJs and curl up and enjoy the snuggles. At least they're not yakking your ear off when you sleep with them!

Kickingupmerrybehaviour · 30/04/2023 22:05

I would want to check there isn’t an ear infection

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/04/2023 22:11

I agree time to drop the nap. Worth a shot at least, or maybe every third day or so for a little bit.

Do you sit with him as he falls asleep at bedtime? If so, he is going to need that when he wakes too.

pashmina696 · 30/04/2023 22:35

Yeah... definitely worth getting ears checked, though we came to the conclusion with DS2 that we all got more sleep when he co-slept with us from around 2-4am till morning - didn't last forever.

Original poster
Jet888 · 01/05/2023 15:18

OK will look into ear check. Thanks all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jet888 · 01/05/2023 20:05

Potentially silly question from those suggesting check for ear infection, could it be something that only manifests at night? He's not showing any signs during the day? Many thanks from a desperate mum

OP posts:
TeddyBeans · 01/05/2023 20:17

DS did very similar at the same sort of age and it lasted about a month before I got to the end of my tether with it. The controlled crying method worked for us. I went in after a minute, settled him, then left him two minutes and went back in, etc etc. The first night we got up to 7 minutes, the second night we only got to 3. He was back to sleeping beautifully after a week or two.

He's 5 now and sleeps wonderfully. Nightlight and gentle music to send him to sleep is his preferred sleep environment now