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Original poster

Getting the ick

15 replies

Mummy205 · 15/04/2023 16:38

Does anyone else get the ick about their own husband? I keep hearing these really stupid things mine says in social situations and I'm constantly questioning why I decided to have children with someone that can't hold a mature conversation.

Examples:

We met a lovely Dad in the park who was expecting his second child. My husband says "Just know it's the hardest thing you'll ever do. People say having two is twice as hard but it's ten times as hard". The Dad was obviously taken back and responds with "Oh right, ha, thanks for that!".. I was mortified.

The same Dad told us his wife was getting her hair coloured in town. My husband says "Does she usually get lairy colours?" (What a weird question to ask)

My Dad hit his head on something a few weeks ago and told him about it and he just started laughing, rather than telling him he was sorry.

When I bring things like this up with him, he tells me to lighten up and that other people don't see things like this.

I can't snap out of noticing all the negatives and really winding myself up about them in my head.

Anyone else in a similar boat or has any advice?

OP posts:
cadburyluver · 15/04/2023 16:50

Can't say I ve ever got the Ick at my husband no sorry op

cadburyluver · 15/04/2023 16:51

That's a strong statement to make - there's obviously more to it then just these random comments he makes if you're questioning why you had children with someone....

RobertsRadio · 15/04/2023 16:58

Well he sounds idiotic, with no empathy so not surprised you have the ick. Has he always been prone to making stupid comments or have you only just noticed? Once you have clocked this behaviour you can never in-see it and that could be problematic going forward.

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BKingso · 15/04/2023 16:59

I know what you mean op. My DP and I have had a shite week and seem to have developed a mutual impatience and annoyance with each other. It's rained solidly here for our DC Easter hols, DP been "ill" (dressing gown of doom apart from miraculous Jesus like rising from the dead when it's time for his hobby- then back to moaning and groaning) and I'm pissed off w mental load and disappointed with a crap week of AL that I had been really looking forward to.

He's pissed off for a long walk on his own now and I'm having a few mins blissful peace.

I am going to propose to him that we write this week off as a shitty week. I don't want the ick with him and i don't think a few annoying days means the ick. Could you be similar?

RobertsRadio · 15/04/2023 17:00

Un-see it, that should read. Bloody predictive text.

Original poster
Mummy205 · 15/04/2023 17:19

RobertsRadio · 15/04/2023 16:58

Well he sounds idiotic, with no empathy so not surprised you have the ick. Has he always been prone to making stupid comments or have you only just noticed? Once you have clocked this behaviour you can never in-see it and that could be problematic going forward.

Yes he has always been prone but I guess I brushed over it to begin with and managed to (somehow) ignore them as fell in love and was just so happy to be in a relationship with someone that really loved me. Also maybe I assumed he'd grow out of them over time. It's so frustrating that he hasn't and I feel it's impossible to completely 'change' someone at this stage.

OP posts:
Sirius3030 · 15/04/2023 17:22

He is massively disrespecting you through his behaviour. Lots of red flags. Time to secure your finances, see a solicitor and change the locks. Dump his possessions on the kerb.

Original poster
Mummy205 · 15/04/2023 17:25

BKingso · 15/04/2023 16:59

I know what you mean op. My DP and I have had a shite week and seem to have developed a mutual impatience and annoyance with each other. It's rained solidly here for our DC Easter hols, DP been "ill" (dressing gown of doom apart from miraculous Jesus like rising from the dead when it's time for his hobby- then back to moaning and groaning) and I'm pissed off w mental load and disappointed with a crap week of AL that I had been really looking forward to.

He's pissed off for a long walk on his own now and I'm having a few mins blissful peace.

I am going to propose to him that we write this week off as a shitty week. I don't want the ick with him and i don't think a few annoying days means the ick. Could you be similar?

I feel you! Yes, I know what you mean. I'm not in a good headspace generally at the moment so it's probably heightened how I'm feeling but regardless, I still find it really embarrassing knowing that I'm married to someone who says such stupid things. We have really good periods too, and when I'm in a better headspace things can be really good between us, but I think it's the realisation that this is the kind of person he is and I'm finding it hard to get my head round.

On the flip side, when I've been feeling really low, he's been AMAZING. Super mature and says all the right things "I'm so sorry you're going through this, I promise you'll get through this. You're such a strong person and our children are so lucky to have you as their Mum etc. etc."... that's when I feel like I really love him and it shows he is capable of being the kind of person I want to be with. I just don't know why he says the things he does to other people. It definitely doesn't help that a lot of his friends are 20 (he's 32).. which obviously says something..

Whereas I have a lot of friends 10/20 years older than me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummy205 · 15/04/2023 17:26

Sirius3030 · 15/04/2023 17:22

He is massively disrespecting you through his behaviour. Lots of red flags. Time to secure your finances, see a solicitor and change the locks. Dump his possessions on the kerb.

Exactly, that's how I feel. I'm his wife and he shouldn't act like this (full stop) but especially when we're talking to people together as a couple.

OP posts:
BKingso · 15/04/2023 17:33

How come most of his friends are so much younger than him?

Original poster
Mummy205 · 15/04/2023 17:37

BKingso · 15/04/2023 17:33

How come most of his friends are so much younger than him?

He knows them from football. But says a lot about his mental age really doesn't it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummy205 · 15/04/2023 17:39

What I'm struggling with is if I left him, I'd really miss the help with the house, cooking, etc. I feel like it would make both our lives a lot harder logistically and would be unsettling for our girls.

Do people think it's worth riding out for a few more years or do you think it's best to end it now/soon to give me a chance of finding someone better/that I'm more compatible with?

OP posts:
MissEira · 15/04/2023 17:42

So he has always been like this and you married him hoping he would just completely change his personality? And now hes disrespectful to you because he doesnt act the way you want him to? You sound controlling and annoying tbh.

mackthepony · 15/04/2023 17:44

Yeah I have the ick with mine.

I'm just like wtf most of the time

Hopelessacademic · 15/04/2023 17:47

I got the major ick with my husband when pregnant, but since it lifted a couple of weeks later, and exactly the same thing happened again in my second pregnancy, I'm pretty sure it was a hormonal thing!

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