I just wondered if anyone else is struggling more with Motherhood now with a toddler (just turned 1)then they did with a newborn? Anyone else fearing the years ahead and what's to come?
I had postnatal depression and anxiety and I thought I was getting better, yet I am only getting worse.
I now find my son a lot to handle, he is cutting his first teeth so nights are hit and miss. He is very clingy, extremely clingy and he has never been like it before and I find it really overwhelming as I'm not really a cuddly feely person. I get anxious even just going out of the house, I do get out and go to baby groups and things but he is so whiny, I stand still in a shop for a second and he screams and whines. Toys he chucks all over the place, he slaps you, he is just all over the place at the moment. I know he is a baby and he is discovering the world but I'm so overwhelmed with it all. I am really not enjoying motherhood, I'm counting down the days for him to grow older. I know that is awful to say. I am just not sure how much more I can take really.
My partner and family are amazing. I just feel lonely in the day, feel like I now never get anything done because I have a child on my leg constantly wanting to be picked up. Nights even if he sleeps I lie there anxious he will wake. I just feel I am existing rather than living.
Also, I am not able to take anti depressants, I've tried all contraception as well to help my mood and has helped. I was on some really strong hormone injections prescribed by a consultant at the hospital to help with painful periods, one of the side effects however was high mood swings and depression. I didn't realise or was told this was a side effect or else I would never have had them. I was supposed to see a gynecologist again this week, been waiting a year for it for PMDD and endometriosis however the appointment got cancelled on the morning I was meant to go due to strikes. Felt like a kick in the teeth to have waited and get excited to maybe get some support and answers, only to have to be told to wait again.