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Original poster

Is this appalling childcare or is it just normal?

33 replies

tryingtoleave · 15/02/2008 02:39

I'm very upset. I've been looking for childcare for DS (19 months) for a couple of mornings a week while I study. When we spent time at the first place we got into I decided it was unsuitable because it was too structured. They were forcing the kids to take part in activities and telling them off when they wouldn't sit still. I didn't want that for DS so we looked for another place. We got a spot at another childcare centre and I've been spending some time there with him. Everything seemed fine. I left him for 1/2 hour yesterday without a problem. But today I left him for two hours. I arrived back at 11.30 (they weren't expecting me till 12.30) and could hear ds screaming hysterically from outside the building. Went in to find him lying in a cornor, completely hysterical and everyone ignoring him. I might have expected some tears on his first day but surely they should have made an attempt to comfort him??? When I tried to find out what had happened they told me he looked tired so they had put him there to nap and I should have left better instructions about his routine! But I can't believe he would be tired at 11.00 after waking up at 8.30 and he's not meant to nap there. He won't go to sleep on his own and that's why he's only doing mornings. Also, what if I hadn't come at 11.30 - would they have left him to scream for the next hour?

Anyway, we won't be returning but after two such bad experiences I'm wondering have I been unlucky or is this just the way it is? Should I keep looking for a better place or give up on childcare and try to study at night (tired smiley)?

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OverRated · 15/02/2008 03:29

It sounds quite upsetting to me. Hope he's ok. No advice I'm afraid but I do hope you find a good option soon. Would a child-minder not be able to take him for a couple of days?

Original poster

tryingtoleave · 15/02/2008 04:58

I suppose I could look into a child-minder, but I would be afraid they might not be responsive either. It's so hard to judge. The carers at the centre seemed very nice - if I hadn't walked in at that time I might not have known they would ignore ds.

OP posts:

FairyMum · 15/02/2008 06:57

Appalling! I have been to a few nurseries where I really didn't like the "vibe" either. I think in all childcare settings outside the home, they will naturally be left longer to cry because they care for many children, BUT not ignored in a corner. Definatly does not sound right.

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RubySlippers · 15/02/2008 07:25

i think you have been very unlucky - sounds upsetting for you all

there are some great nurseries and childminders out there - have you got a list of approved carers from your local council?

also, best thing is word of mouth recommendation from friends or even friends of friends

SlappyLaHoor · 15/02/2008 07:48

its really difficult isnt it? i say keep looking, and do open up your options, ie look at childminders too. the 'right' place for you both is prob out there.

when i just had ds1 (for 5 minutes! i was pg again when he was 4m) i was trying to study so looked for a place to take him 2 mornings a week... i looked at loads of places and eventually found a nursery that had a lovely feel to it. it was too far away, and dp had said hed take him anyway by then, but point is, i did find something in the end.

the first place i looked at, i was in the baby room and the lady showing me round had just shown me the nap room, where there were cots lining the darkened room. one baby was asleep, all others were awake and 2 were crying - one screaming their head off and hanging out the bars.

was first nursery id ever seen and thought mayeb this was normal? that they were leaving them a certain amount of time before comforting or something... i sked 'how long do they normally get left to cry in there then?' in all honesty... and she said 'we dont.' and just looked at me. i was like 'eh? but...' and she sort of realised what shed just done and said 'oh, right, yeah... er xxxx, can you come and see xxxx, theyre crying' and another worker came over and went into the room.

in retrospect, how awful! and because i was such a new mother, and so inexperienced, hadnt seena nursery before... i didnt even realise how awful that was.

it wasnt till they said they wouldnt take him for mornings only, they had to have him all day 'or they just dont settle' that i was decided against them for sure.

er, settled? a 3m old baby? resigned and despairing of ever seeing me again more like. thinking about it, i said, oh no, hes bf... and they just said id have to express in that case.

god, i get the shudders all round thinking of that place

which is nOT supposed to scare you, but to show i know what you mean.

keep looking and trust your instincts.

Twiglett · 15/02/2008 07:53

I think you need a childminder

KaySamuels · 15/02/2008 07:57

That sounds terrible!!

I would keep looking you have simply been unlucky to have two bad experiences. I agree about word of mouth, do you take ds to any playgroups where you can ask around the parents? Visit several nurseries and childminders in your area to get a good broad range odf your options. There are great nurseries and childminders out there, don't just go on their inspections either - visit all of the ones you are local to. Good lucj in your search I am sure you will find someone.

llareggub · 15/02/2008 08:01

I second the childminder option. My son is absolutely thriving at his. He loves the contact with the older children and I am very happy leaving him there.

swiftyknickers · 15/02/2008 08:07

how awful-that really is appaling childcare

my DS-2.6 is in a beautiful nursery 3 x days a week where he is loved and nurtured. every day is differentand they are open to most requests-yest DS woke at 5.15 (Gggggr!) andthe manager of the nursery sat with him for 1/2 hour and got him off to sleep. He left yest and said 'love you sandra'(themanager!!!)

you have to feel comfortable in whatever setting you leave your child

mamasara82 · 15/02/2008 08:09

I also recommend a childminder. They are like second mums and really comfort your child when they are upset.

cory · 15/02/2008 08:46

It wouldn't have happened in the playschool my children attended; they had lovely cuddly teachers and would never have left a child to get that upset.

Also not with any of the 3 childminders I have employed to date.

So you've been unlucky. This is not some general standard of childcare.

MrsMattie · 15/02/2008 08:50

As others have said, you've been unlucky. My son has been in two nurseries (from babyhood) and they have both been fantastic places, with caring, attentive staff and a lovely, homely environment. Keep looking - you will find something suitable soon.

Original poster

tryingtoleave · 15/02/2008 09:47

Thanks for your replies - perhaps I will keep looking. I do have friends who are happy with their childcare, and I have ds's name down on their waiting lists, but it's so hard to get in anywhere here I don't know if anything will come of it. Actually the first place I went to was recommended, and it is a university childcare centre, which I thought would stick to the highest standards. Although now I wonder if the fact that it was at the university was the reason that there was so much pressure for the kids to do developmental activities. The second place was a not-for-profit community run centre. It was also the only place I've found that offered morning sessions, rather than just all-day. Perhpas childminder will be the way to go...

OP posts:

sleepycat · 15/02/2008 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katisha · 15/02/2008 09:54

Definitely get a childminder. It's like a surrogate family. And more flexible.

Habbibu · 15/02/2008 09:57

My dd goes to a good nursery - she doesn't love it, but that's not the nursery's fault - she'd just rather be with us! I liked it because when we went I saw nn's cuddling children to sleep - sometimes dd has a 20 min nap in nn's arms, which is sweet, and they sit by other children, stroking their heads to help them sleep. They also cuddle and comfort crying children. I think dd is fine in the day there; she sleeps, eats and plays. You do need to look elsewhere, I think, either a nursery that offers morning only sessions, or a cm. Good luck.

alfiesbabe · 15/02/2008 12:02

No, this isnt normal childcare. There are fantastic CMs and nurseries out there - keep looking.

LoveMyGirls · 15/02/2008 12:21

try searching on here for a childminder in your area

I'm a childminder so i'm biased but I do think especially for children under 3 a childminder is a more suitable, more flexible option.

The only slight problem could be the hours because you want so few but keep ringing and you will more than likely get someone who can fit your ds in perfectly, at the moment i've taken on a baby for 5 hrs per week and that's ok because the time he comes slots in with a few other part time children but if I have someone asking for 4 full days I would have to take that offer over the 5 hrs a week child I have explained this to his mum when she signed up though.

Original poster

tryingtoleave · 15/02/2008 12:54

Thanks lovemygirls but I'm in Australia so it won't help me. I just didn't know where else to vent except here. I probably will look for a childminder eventually, but it might take me a while. At the moment I still feel so upset and betrayed. At least this thread has made me feel that I'm right to be angry. I'm going to find out where I can complain about the centre.

OP posts:

OverRated · 15/02/2008 14:19

I haven't read all the responses yet but wanted to say that what happened highlights the importance of dropping in when unexpected - it can obviously be quite insightful as to what happens when you are not there.

harpsichordcarrier · 15/02/2008 14:23

I would definitely look for a childminder. my dds have beem to two lovely childminders, women I see around and about. they have formed lovely relationships with them

Heated · 15/02/2008 14:28

This wouldn't have happened at our nursery. When settling in dc sit on or with a nursery worker and are given lots of cuddles & are encouraged to play. My youngest gets lots of affection from her keyworker and last year's keyworker & they do their best to accommodate any special requests.

mrsgboring · 15/02/2008 20:43

Childminder is good because the age range means there's probably only one or two children at a time who need naps etc. So a childminder can focus on their needs, rather than making them fit into a standardised pattern that the other 15 (or whatever) in the room follow.

lennygrrl · 15/02/2008 20:48

Message withdrawn

coastalmum · 15/02/2008 20:53

If you want to know what a nursery is really like, knock on the door and ask for a viewing there and then. A good nursery will be happy to show you around. I work in a nursery and the only time we don't just let prospective parents in is at lunchtime.

Also worth getting a copy of the rules and regulations nurseries have to follow. That way you can judge what is and isn't acceptable.

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