Desperate for fewer night wakeups

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Hello, looking for advice! Baby is 3 months old and exclusively breastfed. She used to take a bottle early on when I was struggling with breastfeeding but now refuses (screams into the bottle).

She typically sleeps for ~3 hours then wakes for a feed which means I tend to be woken by crying to feed around 8pm, midnight, 3am, 6am. She goes back to sleep quickly after a feed. She has occasionally slept for longer - one amazing week had repeated sleeps of 5-7 hours.

I know it could be worse but I am really struggling with the broken sleep. I don’t think she strictly needs to feed every 3 hours and suspect I’m creating a habit which makes it worse for myself.

so I guess I’m looking for advice on:

1. reducing number of night feeds - what worked for you & how long did it take to accept?
2. encouraging them to take a bottle if they were refusing it (so partner can do it when I’m desperate)

I know that I will struggle to endure lots of crying when I am so exhausted!
thanks in advance 🙂

I'm really sorry, but at 3 months baby is just too tiny to work on reducing the number of wakes/feeds. That is your lot, and (at the moment) it can't be changed. She will get bigger and, in the future, will sleep longer stretches.

Practical advise:

• can you feed laying down? When she wakes chuck her in your bed and lie next to her. Do be careful not to fall asleep while you do this. It works amazing for some people, but not so much for others
• have your partner cater to you during daytime. He could do cooking/dishes and hold baby in a sling while you rest. Encourage bottles at this time
• Can you try putting formula in a cup? I know it's young, but my brother could drink from a (freeflow) cup at 3 months. Might help alleviate the pressure off you if she can manage one

Sorry it's not the answer you were looking for. I promise in the future it does get easier! Just know that you are not alone: every mum has also gone through this sleep deprivation.

I agree a three months she needs the milk. Her tummy will be small and she is growing rapidly - she will be half her adult height by the time she is 2 years old.

Agree with PPs. At 3 months, feeding every 3 hours is completely reasonable. The only way you can mitigate the broken sleep is to overall try and get more of it, so either go to bed earlier/with baby, sleep when she naps or get someone (partner, parents/in laws, other childcare) to look after her for a wake window and sleep then. I'm speaking as someone who literally and with no exception, hasn't slept longer than 3 hours in 12 months.

Sorry but there’s not much you can do at 3 months. Hang on for a little while longer.

I used to go to bed at 7pm, DS would have one bottle downstairs with DH and then he’d bring him up for his next feed around midnight, it was the only thing that worked for us.

However I do think that the bottle contributed to me stopping breastfeeding at 4 months… because he was used to a bottle he would get very frustrated at breastfeeding because it didn’t come out as fast and would just scream instead of latching on.. very stressful.

We did sleep training at 6 months (recommended Dr Ferber’s book) and it was literally magic the first night.

Are you sure she needs a feed each time? Have you tried just patting her tummy and gentle shh? If that's not working after a couple mins just lie her down next to you in bed and you can both get back to sleep.

I understand broken sleep is awful but breastfeeding is the best for your baby. This won't be forever. Take plenty of naps when you can and you will get through this stage.

Agree with the others, every 3 hours is normal (and actually on the good side).. it doesn't last forever though!

Speak to yr HV, sound like u need some help as this could go on for a while yet. She will be able to give u more realistic timescale for more sleep.

Sounds very normal and my baby was exactly the same. Nothing can be done I'm afraid just need to ride it out x

Have you tried expressing at all? I expressed from 6 weeks and my baby then had a bottle of expressed milk most nights as her last feed that my husbsnd gave her so I could go to bed earlier and get a longer amount of sleep in one go.

It's also helpful to get them used to a bottle of expressed milk if you want to get out for a few hours and get some freedom back!

I've done this with both my babies and not had any issues with bottle / breast confusion. You should give a bottle every few days as a minimum - if you don't do it regularly they will forget and then they get to 6 months old when you want them to talk a bottle and it's likely they will just refuse.

Good luck, I've got an 8 month old and it does get better but it's so so tough! Xx

It's true that at 3 months waking at night probably is due to hunger and she needs her milk.

But you can massively shift things by working on your daytime routine and feeding. The focus is on preventing the wake ups in the first place, rather than not responding to them when they do.

Please give Charmian Mead's book a read, it's really effective.

Agree with others, it sounds normal and pretty good if she is spending all night sleeping in their crib.
What I'd do is try to make sure she is having plenty of regular feeds in the day as the PP said. I'd then also work on getting them to take a bottle. Have you tried different bottles? We had to try loads before my eldest finally accepted one, the only one she'd drink out of was Lansinoh.
Even if you do need to feed if she won't take a bottle, could you then pass her to your partner to wind etc so you can get straight back to sleep? Also agree with others, try to get as early night as possible. My DD sleeps best between 9 and 12 and quite unsettled the rest of the night at the momemt, so my DH go to bed early to make the most of those 3 hours!

Unfortunately it is quite normal at that age.

I survived by cosleeping, would that be an option for you?

Thanks all for the replies (mainly tough love!). obviously I will survive…it’s just hard to hear of others I know who are only waking once a night now.
I do appreciate that it could be a lot worse. She is a good girl for sleeping happily in her crib mostly.

In response to the suggestions
• feeding lying down - I think the sleep association for me will be too strong and I might drop off so I’ll stay sitting up
• cup feeding - will try it
• bottle feeding before bed - will get DH to do this and try to go to bed earlier (we did this last night. I do get very engorged and can’t sleep much longer than 4-5 hours anyway)
• co-sleeping - when I’ve put her next to me it actually seems to distract her more. Given she sleeps well in her own crib (just not for a long time) I’m reluctant to start putting her somewhere else

I think mainly the answer is for me to go to bed earlier and DH do last feed with a bottle.