Autism in toddler - how do you know?

[BlackBarbies]

DD will be two in just under three weeks. There’s so many things that have been concerning me recently and I thought I’d just write them all down so I can get advice but also have a record of things. To keep it brief,

1. DD doesn’t say any words at all. She will babble here and there but never says ‘mama’ ‘dada’ ‘car’ ‘drink’ etc. Doesn’t have her own words like ‘nana’ for banana or anything along those lines.
2. She will hum a lot. Usually when she’s excited or upset. This may be stimming but I’m not really sure what that is? I’d appreciate if someone could explain it in simple terms.
3. Walks on her tip toes very often. Will constantly flap her arms and squeal with excitement when on her tipe toes.
4. Doesn’t interact with children her age at all. She can go to the park, a toddler group and will stand to the side and observe or play with things by herself. She will stack the same blocks over and over again. She’ll have more fun opening and closing a door than playing with another child. She has a 11 month brother (who has a genetic disorder and isn’t mobile) that she doesn’t even give a second look too.
5. Struggles with eating so many textures. Can only really eat dry foods like bread, garlic bread, Yorkshire pudding etc. Anything like mash potato or something will make her so upset.
6. You cannot deviate from her routine at all as she really has a breakdown. I couldn’t try to brush her teeth before getting her ready for bed as that doesn’t work for her.
7. Only replies to her name sometimes but will usually ignore you.
8. Doesn’t give/maintain eye contact at all.
9. If you smile at her she won’t smile back.
10. Doesn’t know how to point.

The list can go on and on and on. She’s my first so I have a lot of guilt about what I must have done wrong. Especially as my second already has a genetic disorder and is severely disabled.

Does this sound like Autism? Does anyone have any advice or have you been in a similar situation? She has her first appointment with SALT next month and I’m waiting for her 2 year health check in order to raise my concerns with the HV.

She’ll start nursery next month so hopefully that can help her social aspect but I’m just not sure how to help her. I really don’t want to fail her and want to get her any help available if she is Autistic. Thank you

You sound like a great mum ❤️ stay in touch and let us know how you get on.

Portage will also be a good resource for you, they worked with my son for nearly 2 years

Aw thank you both, I’ll certainly come back to this thread and give an update. I’ve found this thread really helpful and I’m glad that I started it!

I’m interested to start portage for my son as it sounds really interesting. I’m always happy to do anything that can benefit either of my kids. It’s a plus if portage has ways to support the whole family too

I don't suppose you're in London?

Hi OP, you sound lovely and don't worry about failing your DD - follow her lead, give her freedom to move and play as she prefers and read up on the experiences of autistic people.

There are lots of good books and other resources by autistic adults and children. Pete Wharmby's new book Untypical is excellent, and Jodie Smitten and her young daughter (both autistic) have written a book together called The Secret Life of Rose which is short and brilliant.

Hi OP, I have 2 autistic children, one much more severe with his behaviour than the other.
I knew he has lots of quirks etc but he was showing the signs of autism more and more during lockdown.
I'd be prepared for an autism diagnosis, it seems like DD meets the criteria.
Get as much knowledge, reading, speak to autism groups for children as soon as you can.
If you're Cheshire or Merseyside I can point you to some places.

You sound a gorgeous mum, ASD parents are really kind and supportive so you'll get a nice helpful community x

Thanks again for people sharing their own experiences. I’ve been reading up on Autism but I’m also trying to not overwhelm myself as there’s so much information out there.

My friend came round yesterday with her son who’s 2 and a half and has great speech. It was so lovely to see him talking and engaging with DD. She took a while for him to adjust being in her space but after a short time, they were both running through the flat laughing together. It was so sweet to see😭

@doadeer I am! I’m in South London to be exact. Are you also in London?

Yes I am. I know of good support groups in north London but probably too far for you. There is a London autism group, you could ask on there, it's really nice knowing other mums

There are some great Instagram accounts from speech therapists and occupational therapists, including ones that specialise in autism. I have really valued looking at these accounts and their saved highlights:

raisinglittletalkers
mrsspeechiep

I find it useful to see the videos, including of children and of activities you can do with them. Their posts often also link to other accounts and resources.

That's so lovely. There's still a lot of joy parenting LOs who are neurodivergent

That sounds like a lovely play date @BlackBarbies. My autistic ds is pretty sociable and also enjoys the company of other children!

Oh absolutely! I have to thank my son for my way of thinking and having a positive attitude. Spending a lot of time in NICU and watching him grow up made me realise that just because a child may have their own serious medical battles, there are still so many pleasant experiences to have with them. It’s just a lot at times!

@MissHavershamReturns that’s so lovely to hear❤️ It was really nice to see her eventually get comfortable over time. She just needs that understanding that it may take her a while to be super friendly.

@doadeer you can PM me some? I’m always happy to jump on a tube and go wherever. Is the London Autistm group on FB or elsewhere?

@comfyshoes2022 thank you for the recommendations:)

@BlackBarbies hi how is your daughter getting on ? I have similar concerns about my daughter

@2019boymamma my daughter is now 3 and a half years old and has Autism. She was seen by a Paediatrician when she was around 2 and a half and they confirmed that she was Autistic. However, the waiting time for an official diagnosis is roughly 18 months so we’re still waiting for an official diagnosis.

DD is also non verbal and currently has an EHCP in place at her current nursery. She’s been having speech & language sessions for about 18 months and she was assigned an Early Years Autism Officer who works for the Local Authority. She has a lot of support in place but only because I’ve been incredibly thorough and made sure to do a lot of research.

Have you spoken to your GP or Health Visitor about your concerns? My GP took me seriously and even though DD wasn’t even 2 at the time, he referred her to the Paediatrician. Good luck with it all, feel free to PM me if you’d like

@BlackBarbies I'm glad you've had the support you need.

The continuous support on the pub thread and SEN board is what keeps me going @Lougle grateful for you all. This is my old username before Minnie!

Awww I didn't look back on the thread. You've come so far!

Wow @BlackBarbies you are an amazing mum to have got all that in place for dd!!!

Thank you so much! @MissHavershamReturns

It really hasn’t been easy at all especially securing an EHCP for her. The SEN board supported me a lot as I ended up taking the LA to tribunal. She has a 1:1 at nursery who she loves so it was worth it in the end.

I did end up buying the More Than Words book that you suggested. DD’s SALT also uses that book so we’re consistent and on the same page when trying to help her non verbal communication. Thank you for all of your advice that you gave when I started this thread nearly two years ago! Your comments were extremely helpful🩷

Just seen this thread @BlackBarbies. You are doing amazing supporting DD and DS. They are making brilliant progress.

Couldn’t have done it without you tbh @BrightYellowTrain especially throughout the appeal. Thank you!