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Original poster

How to deal with these blimmin tantrums - please help!

18 replies

bohemianbint · 14/02/2008 18:31

My DS is just 18 months, and like clockwork has started throwing proper mards.

Take this afternoon for example. One minute he was fine, the next minute for who knows what reason he starts screeching and crying. This went on for about 45 minutes. I tried everything, picking him up and cuddling him (this made him go floppy and worse) and taking him elsewhere in the house to see if a change of scenery would help but he was relentless.

In the end I was getting so wound up and agitated I ended up just leaving him in his room to sort himself out, I had no idea what else to do. I kept going in and checking he was ok and trying to cuddle him again but it went on and on, him banging his head on the floor and at one point rolling under his cot (which was almost funny if it hadn't been so hideous.)

I just feel totally powerless to help him and I get really upset by it. What do you do to deal with this? (I know it's best to try not to let it get to that stage, but if it does?)

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brewanyone · 14/02/2008 18:50

make sure the room he is in is safe (from him hurting himself) and ignore it, it is hard at first but they get used to it.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 15/02/2008 12:44

Cheers brewanyone. Is it normal for these strops to go on for the best part of 45 minutes?

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brewanyone · 15/02/2008 13:07

in my experiance yes and the more attention that is given the longer it will go on for. Lots of children bang their heads but they soon stop doing it when it hurts. Honestly the best thing you can do for a tantrum is ignore it, that way it will not become a regular attention seeking thing.HOpe ur feeling ok today.

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Original poster

bohemianbint · 15/02/2008 13:12

Thanks for getting back to me! Aye, so far so good today, exhausted him in the park this morning so hopefully he'll have a good kip and be in a better mood this afternoon. It's so awful when they come from nowhere and you have no idea wht to do about it, especially when he's an absolute gem most of the time...

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lulabelle · 15/02/2008 14:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

babyinarms · 15/02/2008 15:07

I agree with ignoring him. The more you try to consloe him, cajole him or cuddle him the longer they will last.
It is hard initially but it get easier to ignore it..i promise

gingerninja · 15/02/2008 15:17

I'm having the same problems at the moment BB especially after she's woken in the afternoon when we can have a full on scream fest for 45 mins. I never know what to do either. Interesting to see most people say ignore it because I've been doing the opposite, perhaps I'll stop.

My DD is also really really impatient ie if it's not in her possession within 3 seconds she screams. I'm finding it exhausting and my blood pressure is through the roof.

How can you instill calmness in them (and yourself) or is this something that comes with age?

mcnoodle · 15/02/2008 15:27

I feel as though I am coming out the other side of the irrational, last for ages type tantrum thing

Anyway, agree that ignoring is the only way to go really. Very good idea to spend the morning wearing them out, good hearty lunch, then a sleep. Hopefully you will have a nice short peaceful afternoon.

I think calmness comes with age and reason. DS (2.7) can now be cajoled into doing something he doesn't want with the promise of something he does want afterwards. But that is very recent and has happened because language is really taking off.

If you are losing it, a few minutes in their cot/room will give you time to gather your strength.

Good job they're so darn cute ain't it!?

StealthPolarBear · 15/02/2008 15:31

I've been meaning to ask about this, DS (9 months , nearly 10) has started ahving a right tantrum when he's frustrated, e.g. when he can't open a cupboard door. Screeching, arm flapping etc. At this age, do I ignore / move him out of the way and sit calmly and quietly with him / comfort him? I'm keen not to do anything that will encourage them but otoh he's only tiny and is just getting used to the fact that he can't always have exactly what he wants

mcnoodle · 15/02/2008 15:38

Well I guess, if you don't want him to go in the cupboard then put a catch on it. If he's frustrated and you don't mind him going in then just let him rootle around in there. If you can't put a catch on and don't want him in, then a firm 'no', remove him and distract with something else. If he won't be distracted and starts screaming then, yes, ignore.

It's not quite the same when they're 10 months I don't think. Still such little babies, and not really tantrumming in the same way as a toddler. Still the old adage 'ignore the bad, praise the good' is working round mcnoodle mansions - so far.

StealthPolarBear · 15/02/2008 15:40

No I mean, if it has a catch on (which it doesn't, but soon will - that's another thread!) but he knows it should open and it doesn't, so he screams. So ignore is the best option, rather than distracting or comforting him?

LilRedWG · 15/02/2008 15:42

DD is 21 months and I'm ignoring, ignoring, ignoring the tantrums . It is getting easier and easier to do. Her first full blown one was in the waiting area / reception of our local hospital and I just made sure she was safe and left her to it. IME, it's other people interfering that makes it difficult.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 15/02/2008 15:53

Gingerninja - the 3 second thing was partly the problem with DS yesterday. He's point to something very vaguely, I didn't understand, he went into meltdown...even when I figured it out and gave him what he wanted he threw it, I think at that stage the moon on a stick wouldn't be good enough!

Glad to hear that ignoring them is ok - I sometimes worry I'm being an evil mum if I ignore him (or even don't give him my undivided attention 100% of the time!) and also...in the Mumsnet "your child is 18 months" email they said they didn't agree with ignoring it...

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mcnoodle · 15/02/2008 16:10

Sorry - yes SPB - ignore! It really doesn't take that long before they 'get' that a tantrum isn't the way to get your attention.

The temptation to faff and fuss is huge to start with, but after a while, a good tantrum becomes a handy excuse to MN/drink tea/phone a friend/eat cake.

StealthPolarBear · 15/02/2008 16:13

lol
like i need an excuse!

mcnoodle · 15/02/2008 16:20

Re ignoring - I guess you need to play it by ear a bit. I mean, if a cuddle, story, game, raspberry brings them out of it, then great. But if they are determined to tantrum then, IME there is nothing you can do about it - so then ignoring is the only response if you don't want to go stir crazy.

Oh, and I would only try one distraction before going for a cuppa, otherwise you are just fussing and prolonging the agony.

They let you know when they've had enough. Tearful arms aloft usually signals the end.

Oh it's hard though.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 15/02/2008 16:22

Thanks mcnoodle. It is hard!

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mcnoodle · 15/02/2008 20:36

Am actually lol at me dispensing advice on this thread!

When the tantrums first started I used to get very upset, wound up, even ended up joining in on occassion. It is only after months of trial and error that I have adopted a more Zen-like/lazy approach to it all.

Just remember, being nearly 2 is a hugely exciting and scary time for them. They are becoming more and more independent every day and need to exert their will. But at the same time they are still babies, in many ways, and want the reassurance of mummy...

i wrote that 3 hours ago - friend came round with bottle of wine!

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