What does the terrible 2s look like for you?

[RiverRock22]

I had a dream baby, not needy slept all night etc. 2 years old we started to have issues with speech delay, hearing problems, questionable understanding, tonsil/adenoids and sleep apnea (she is on the list for surgery).

However, over the last few months she is such hard work, her communication/speech and understanding is not great and I have a query of ASD over her at the minute and have placed a referral in but a few overlaps with glue ear/sleep apnea so unsure what the behaviours are stemming from just yet.

So, constant whinging, being low level destructive (e.g. tipping out toys and not playing with them), having no interest in playing with anything I try to engage in and being a messer at meal times, can use a fork and spoon correctly and can drink from an open top cup but in the last few weeks she has gotten so silly and messy - dipping her spoon in her drink, playing with her food, throwing it on the ground etc.

She doesn't fight or tantrum so I have that at least, it's more low level constant whinging. I am exhausted and it is just so disheartening at the minute.

So, are your terrible 2s stories similar/worse/better? Please share in solidarity with fellow, exhausted toddler parents 😅

My eldest had severe obstructive sleep apnoea that was operated on when she was 2 and a bit.

Don't forget your toddler will be TIRED! Mine was FAR less whingy once she could sleep. Getting the glue ear sorted also made a bit difference to her communication which helped her be less frustrated. You may have to be a bit patient!

My DD also had ASD (not diagnosed until she started school though). Obviously that has an impact on behaviour too! Having a strong and clear routine and making sure she was always reminded about what was coming next helpedmine a lot. Surprises caused lots of whinging and refusal.

How did behaviours improve for you when the surgery was done?

That is true, all day she acts like she needs a nap but won't go down for a nap, even getting her to sleep in the evening is a struggle but she is so exhausted and it is constantly like she is overtired and fighting sleep.

I was just going to add the same as PP - her sleep quality is probably really poor due to her apnoea and she is probably tired all the time, which probably explains a lot of her behaviour. Hope things improve soon. Our daughter is 19 months so we've not fully hit the 2s yet but are starting to see glimmers of it emerging!

I've got twins who have just turned 3. They stopped napping over a year ago, they fight constantly, nothing is ever right for them (I give them cereal in the wrong colour bowl for example), they won't eat dinner even if it's something they specifically asked for, they trash the house just for the fun of it, etc etc etc. Tantrums happen because they are not allowed to take hot food out of the oven, need to have their hair washed, or are not allowed to drive the car (yes really)
Everything is now a competition, so if one of them does something first (like get their shoes on) the other one goes ballistic and starts attacking the "winner". If one says they need the toilet then the other will decide that they do too, then they'll race each other to the toilet and have a big fight. Life feels like a constant battle at the moment, and it is a shock to the system as they were very easy babies too. Having said this, they can be incredibly sweet, amaze me every day with the things they come out with and are bloody hilarious. I love them so much I could burst. Toddlers eh!!

Hi @RiverRock22 lots of things changed! After the surgery she ate and slept MUCH better. That immediately made her calmer and more patient and far less whingy. My life was massively improved as well so I could cope much better with toddler behaviour - I couldn't believe how much easier it was to get her to sleep! And she was so cheerful in the morning when before mornings had always been a huge battle of her draggung her feet over everything. She had more energy throughout the day so was happier playing, happier being outside running around. For us, it was transformative.

The improvement to her hearing was a much slower effect, but her communication picked up and that made her less frustrated, which reduced tantrums (although we'd had much more whinging than full tantrums).

Obviously the surgery didn't make any difference to the ASD. But it was easier to handle with everyone better rested.'

Oh wow, this is the post I really needed to read. The sleep is such an issue at the moment, having a lot of difficulty getting her off to sleep which is so new as she was always a great sleeper until this issue became apparent. She's waking in the. night now crying and holding her head - I assume the mouth breathing and apnea is giving her a headache and she needs calpol to go back over. Did your daughter have ASD traits at this age?

I don't have experience with sleep apnea but my two and a half year old is lovely when well rested and very difficult when tired. So I would think it's her sleep quality. In the short term, while you're waiting for surgery, being outside lots might help - when DD is being difficult, I find getting her outside is like flipping a switch a lot of the time - she's suddenly much happier. And often she's happier when we come back in than she was before we went out.

The tipping out of toys - I wonder if she has too many out at once? DD has lots of toys but only about a third to a half of them available at any one time. If they're all out she gets overwhelmed and doesn't know what to play with.

I recently sorted all of her toys into a rotation pile so she has less. It's more in a
the tipping out is the 'activity' as such and she just goes on to the next thing. Concentration span is zero at the moment - hopefully linked to the sleep apnea.