To breastfeed or not...?

[umck2014]

This has probably been talked about a lot in the past but i guess everyone's experience and circumstances are different but here goes mine...

Currently 31 weeks pg with DC3. With my DC1, she had undiagnosed lip and tongue tie which i didn't realise until i gave up BF. When she was a newborn, she had jaundice for a good while. She had to stay in the hospital for a couple of days after i was discharged. I was under-uneducated about Bfing and the nurses just fed her formula. I naively thought milk would come in when she came home (day 5/6) but i think my milk never 'came in' properly and also with her lip & tongue tie, our BF journey was short.

With DC2, I was conscious about him having tongue tie. So we had it checked and sorted by end of week 1. He had a very strong suck and the latch didn't improve much after the tongue tie snip, by end of 1st week, both my nipples were cracked and broken. By end of 2nd week, i had mastitis on both breasts. I don't know if these two were related.... but i swear i'd never wish mastitis on anyone. I felt so ill i thought i was dying. (The GP prescribed the wrong type of antibiotic so the first course didn't work. I was in bed shaking for the whole 2-3 week.)

Now that I'm pregnant with DC3, i don't know what to do. I want to give BF a go after seeing friends who seemed to have just managed it (and successfully) like we all do with other motherly duties... with but my poor experiences in the past, I just don't know if i want to bring myself to that again. My two children are both healthy; other the cost associated with formula, i don't see the downside of it.

Also now i have 2 young children to mind at home with a newborn.. it feels like it is going to be an uphill battle? I don't know what i'm here for. Maybe someone who's had similar experience can share tips or wise words about what i should do?

Personally in your situation I’d give it a go - you never know it might be completely easy this time as it sometimes is. If so but you were struggling time wise you could move to mixed feeding after a month or so.
I would potentially have a low ‘threshold’ for stopping though and certainly not be putting any pressure on myself to keep going if it was difficult (unless by that point you really wanted to and then I would seek proper lactation support).

In your situation I'd give it a go and find out where the good breastfeeding support is in your area (Vs a few unhelpful suggestions and "just top them up with formula").

I combi-fed mine and found breastfeeding support was of mixed quality. Some was excellent and some honestly undermined women who wanted to breastfeed, leaving many people I know feeling that they'd failed or they 'couldn't' when really it was poor support that sabotaged them.

If you want to combi-feed or express then that's another option. Just try your best to find decent infant feeding and breastfeeding support that actually listens to you as the mother.

I’d give it a go, I was lucky and had good support getting latch right and breastfeeding was so much easier as a result. No bottles to wash and sterilise, no milk to buy, no need to plan feeds if I was leaving the house.

I would see if there is breastfeeding support local to you, I’d absolutely have a low tolerance for going to bottles if it becomes difficult.

It’s easier to have sterile milk on tap with younger ones at heel, but I’ve never breastfed without the sore in plea stage so if you can’t get past that then just bottle feed.

In my experience it takes about 6-8 weeks to establish feeding. DD had a TT and it took her two weeks to gain the strength in her tongue to feed efficiently.
Give it a go, it's t may be third time lucky!

I know it can be difficult but it can also be easy and you never know how your third experience might be. Personally I never understood what "establishing breastfeeding" meant. DC1 was doing it fine after day 2 and DC2 after 15 minutes. Neither did much cluster feeding and I was never tied to the sofa as some are.

I've never made up a bottle and I'm sure it isn't as much faff as I imagine it to be but not having to do so and not needing to plan to being anything out with me for feeding till 6 months was great.

I've heard it can run in families, however out of my 3 only one had tt and struggled to gain weight being BF he was my 3rd and we did get there at about 3 months, they were hard months although not my painful and no matitis. I honestly think when it works. BF is easier as it’s there on tap at correct temperature. Not if you take the baby must drink milk and use you as a giant dummy every time they do much as look as you. Once baby is a few months old I think a routine can help with BF. You could just give it a go and try and find a lactation consultant who you could book appointment with for just after birth to check for TT. Don’t trust dr or midwife to see this. I know a midwife whose children all had tt and she would book the appointment in Advance to make sure it was caught early enough not to mess up BF.

Sounds like everyone has had different experiences. I wish mine was as easy as some of you have mentioned!!

I suppose I just don’t know what to expect this time around as I was let down (no one but my own fault). I’m not too fixated on having to BF DC3. But I also don’t want to give up too easily IYKWIM.

So for those who have successfully BF, is there one tip you’d like to share from early days to help with supply or establish a routine (with young children in tow)?

I personally thought I was never properly informed on the effects of BF.. such as the sore nipples… ouch!!! Not sure about everyone else but that really shocked me. But once you get past that stage (say the first 2/3 weeks maybe 4) it’s the easiest thing ever! And so convenient. Not to mention free :) also highly recommend those silver nipple shields (on Amazon) to wear inbetween feeds - they repaired my nipples sooo well !

IF you feel that breastfeeding is not something you want to do this time then that's absolutely fine.

With my first I believe that breastfeeding and the guilt of not being able to EBF caused PND.

No way in hell would I ever 'try' breastfeeding again.

You know what they say when you get on a plane 'fix your own oxygen mask before attempting to help others'.

Its perfectly valid not to breastfeed if you feel that you and your family would be better off formula feeding from the beginning. Its not about whats best for baby, its about whats best for the whole family.

If finances allow I'd get an appointment with a private lactation consultant lined up for shortly after birth, and a session with a sling library to help you figure out feeding in a sling. If you can get breastfeeding established and crack feeding in a sling that will make life much easier when juggling everything. I found feeding really hard for the first few weeks but after that I loved the freedom of having milk on tap with no faff of bottles etc.

So much of it is down to the support you get. If you get that support and enjoy it then it's truly a unique and wonderful experience. If the lack of support let's you down then bottle feed and enjoy the same bonding snuggles and don't feel a shred of guilt .

I second the silver cups!

I formula fed from birth and have no regrets but I always knew it wasn't for me.

If you want to give it a go then by all means, give it a go but if it's just because you feel like you 'have' to try, you don't. Not if you don't want to.

My top tip would be to harvest colostrum (from 37w pregnant) to freeze and take to hospital with you in labour - good for helping jaundice and other complications that may arise following birth or early latch issues. You'll also know how to hand express by then too which may well help your BF journey, too. I'm pretty sure it saved my BF journey. But even if for whatever reason BF doesn't work out this time, you'll know you tried.

That and invest in a good nipple balm to slather on!

And make sure you know where to turn for support if you need it - in person and online. Good luck!

I had trouble establishing a good latch with my eldest, they lost a lot of weight and it was stressful. I had no bf support (lockdown) so I exclusively pumped. It was so hard! When my 2nd was born I decided in advance that either they would feed from breast or directly switch to formula. I was not pumping again. Its hard making these decisions with the post-partum hormones so I made sure my husband knew what I wanted to help me stand firm if needed. My second actually bf much better than my first but had been low percentile at birth, was jaundice for a while and although they were slowly gaining weight and health professionals were happy I couldn't relax about it. They were also a terrible sleeper and I had two under 2 so I never got a break and was finding it all too much. By 6 weeks I switched to formula and have no regrets. It was what was best for all of us. So I'd say to try but put no pressure on yourself.

I’ve been in touch with the local breastfeed support group and also signed up for a BF online course in a hope that at least I’d be better informed when it comes to it.

I guess I just feel like I don’t want to miss out on the ‘magic’ of BF…? Like how it easy it’d become once I get a hang of it. Also I do wonder how come it’s so natural to some women and why it was so hard for me. Having a 3rd chance at it - I just want to give it a good crack!

i have a good baby carrier and have access to the silver cups so hopefully they will be good tools to have. Will also look up on colostrum harvesting too.

Yes similar experience for me, so I just wanted to say it can be easy and might be worth trying just in case?

I never got sore at all, both babies were so efficient at feeding it never took more than 20 mins in the newborn days and 5 minutes after 3 months.

They were both excellent sleepers also.

If it works, it can be brilliant. Night feeds only took a matter of minutes, I used to keep my eyes shut through it so I'd go back to sleep straightway, it barely felt like my night had been interrupted.

Give it a try with no pressure, your baby could take to it straightway. But if they don't, it's no trouble going to bottle feeding. Good luck!

@umck2014 I really don't think it's down to the woman whether they "take to it", its down to the baby, so you might get lucky with your number 3!

I had zero clue what I was doing with my first but somehow he did. I remember worrying once we were home thinking that if he didn't manage to latch I had no idea how to help him and he would starve. Then he'd somehow latch and gulp and I sighed a breath of relief!

I’ve had different experiences of BF. As a teenage and a traumatic delivery, twins, a c section… all have been very different but each and every time I’ve had problems. It’s never been easy but BF is really important to me so I’ve grit my teeth, got past the tough days and gone on to feed for years at a time.

It’s never been anything close to easy for me but I think there’s often the thought that some women struggle whilst some don’t and those who don’t are the ones who can. It’s really not that clear cut and it annoys me that I’m often listening to why people couldn’t when I’ve had a really tough time of it myself as many other women have.

If it’s really important to you then I’m sure you can work through almost all obstacles. It’s up to you of course but don’t consider yourself in the camp of those who can’t. You very likely can but expect difficulty and have faith that you will get through. If it happens to be easy then even better but don’t feel that it will either be perfect from the get go or impossible. Problems a are normal part of BF.

I agree with what @abmac95 has said. I tried breastfeeding my daughter last time and it honestly ruined the first couple of days that I should have spent enjoying her and bonding with her. I'm pregnant now and wouldn't even consider trying again.

It didn't do her any harm and I genuinely don't believe that 'breast is best' is valid. Fed is best and if you don't want to put yourself through it again, don't

It sounds like you'd like to try, but not likely to upset yourself over it. That's a great place to be when going into it.

You're learning what you can now (I'd make sure you are also aware of normal newborn behaviour and signs that things are wrong vs just normal baby)

How old are your older ones? It can help to get them involved in the learning too.

My second child latched at 45 mins old, never lost an oz and just was the chunkiest monkey who fed perfectly right from the get go. It can and does happen.