Giving up breastfeeding

[chho]

I planned to give up BF when my daughter turned 1, which she did last week. My reasons for giving up are 1) she wakes me up at least 5 times a night for boob but really just uses me as a dummy and 2) because she's now getting teeth and also using me as a teething ring. I only work Monday-Wednesday but I've booked next week off so that I have a good chunk of time to completely wean her off, and also because I am expecting some sleepless nights.

I thought these were good reasons to stop but now I just feel really sad and guilty at the thought of it. The only way I've ever got her to sleep is by BF and I can't help but feel this is gonna be so tricky.

Not really sure what I'm asking, but any advice and positive stories would be appreciated.

Oatly Barista is another that I've seen recommended by dieticians for children. It's fortified and also has a decent fat content, similar to whole cow's milk, from what I gather. It's what me, DH and eldest use already (it's just the best in coffee!), so I use it in the baby's breakfast and think I'll use that as a drink after 1 whenever I stop BF, instead of buying the Alpro follow on separately.

She’s only slept through for the past few weeks because we sleep trained. Before that she had us in a chokehold, waking every 1-1.5 hours inconsolable if she didn’t immediately get the boob. It was 8 months of pure hell tbh! My sympathies for anyone going through it. Utter torture!

5 times a night!! By this age a child should be sleeping through, work on that and enjoy your sleep! BTW sleep is so important for a child's development so better for your DC too. BF is wonderful, but not 5 times a night after a year!

@elrider strange, I've tried that before and didn't want it again because I found the taste really odd. I put it down to some kind of additive to make the milk froth better. I'll look at the ingredients to see what the best option is.

Whenharrymetsmelly

^ have you read Kathryn Stagg what's normal for bf babies? You're very much mistaken.

She's not really. A night feed isn't really necessary after 6 months and 5 times a night at a year is definitely excessive. My dc2 is still waking at 9 months but when they were looking for boob an hour after already having it and 3 hours before we were getting up anyway the other night I went on strike. I already feed to sleep at 8pm and 11pm, then expect feeds at around 2am and 6am. It's plenty.

If breastfeedings only role was to satiate hunger then you'd be right, but given it has other purposes that aren't related to feeding then to suggest seeking the boob several times a night is abnormal (or even unusual) is mistaken.

@username210574 I didn't say it was abnormal, just that it's not necessary. The OP is trying to teach her child to self soothe because it doesn't suit either of them to use breastfeeding anymore and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Nothing wrong with what the OP is contemplating no. But suggesting it's abnormal or uncommon for a breastfed baby to want the boob overnight is wrong. Breast fed babies seek the boob for pain, comfort, relationship reinforcement, when they're unsettled about anything in their lives, teething etc too. In fact, the older they get the more it becomes about nursing rather than feeding.

I had to stop breastfeeding at about 10 months because she had bitten me so badly, I had nipple lacerations and a nasty bout of mastitis while I tried to feed from one side to let the other heal. The GP told me they would take weeks to fully heal, even if I stopped breastfeeding - and if I did, to simply quit cold turkey as it’s less confusing for baby.

So I did! I had to. It was sheer agony feeding. We offered her my expressed milk, formula milk and - under the guidance of our HV - cow’s milk. She wouldn’t take any of it, in any form, from any container, from anyone. So she simply stopped drinking milk.

She has plenty of milk from morning Weetabix, yoghurts etc. But none from drinking - it’s super weird having a baby that doesn’t drink milk but there you go!

The first night was hard, really hard, and for a few days I was so sad and hormonal. I got
mastitis again a few weeks after too.

But since the last month, SHE’S BEGUN SLEEPING THROUGH. We moved her into her own room (which probably helps) as before we were cosleeping and she also woke for feeds and sometimes wouldn’t settle without milk. But she’s now 11 months, sleeping brilliantly, and prefers to settle in the cot to drift off to sleep. I mean, what!!! If you’d told me this would happen a month ago I wouldn’t have believed you.

I truly believe stopping breastfeeding has led to a lot of this (plus general progress and development I guess). And I’m under no illusions - it may all go pear-shaped at any moment! But it’s a brilliant upside to what felt like such a sad end to our BF journey as it wasn’t through my choice or hers, it was simply medical. So there’s one positive outcome you may experience!

Thank you for all the replies, I appreciate all the advice!

@moonseas wow your story really gives me hope. I just want her to sleep! I was actually just coming on here to ask a question about mastitis when I saw your post.

Does anyone have any experience with or recommend the tablet that makes your milk dry up?

I asked about the tablet but the GP said I wouldn’t need it, but she also said I could just hand express in the shower and she was WRONG. I was fully engorged, and in pain, and obviously then got mastitis. So push for the tablet, or pump. I pumped and tailed it off. It took a few weeks and then my supply dried up.

Other people swear by cabbage leaves, and some kinds of herbal remedies but I have no experience in that department!

If you want to reduce/stop your supply decongestants can help

One thing I’d think really carefully about is making sure that whatever you use to replace feeding at night with is a sustainable way to get her back to sleep. There’s no point replacing a 5 minute feed with 10/15 minutes of walking around rocking. Stopping the feeds might not stop her waking (it didn’t for my DD)

When I night weaned I replaced feeding in bed with a cuddle (we were cosleeping already) because I knew I didn’t have it in me to be getting up out of bed multiple times.

My husband would always rock her when he did bedtimes and she expected the same from him in the night so he ended up doing that for much longer on the times he was in charge of night wakes. I went through 2 nights of fury from her when I wouldn’t offer a feed but then she was happy to accept a cuddle instead so I could basically go back to sleep immediately (which was my priority)

Going on the combined pill will dramatically reduce your supply. You don't need anything though as long as you take stopping breastfeeding slowly and pump if needed.

Well night 1 isn't going well. She's been crying, screaming, scratching her face, pulling at my top, throwing herself

around. I've given in 3 times already. Ffs. Is this normal!

Stumbled upon your thread as I am rocking my 18mo back to sleep again. I am in the same position and have given in once tonight so I guess it’s normal for stopping to be difficult. Not useful in terms of advice but I can offer solidarity.

I do have DH but, despite promising support with stopping breastfeeding, he apparently won’t get up to help. Or if he does, he spends no more than 5 mins with DD before giving up and leaving it to me.

I ended up feeding my DD until she was 2.5 years old because I just couldn’t get her to stop. I’m currently feeding DS who is almost 19 months. I had planned to stop earlier with him but I haven’t. It’s really hard to stop!

Where is your DP/DH at night? Getting someone else to help settle will make ALL the difference. Whilst I do still feed at night, my DH will often settle DS to sleep so avoiding it. DS does sometimes sleep through and doesn’t use me as a dummy - after DD I knew I needed to set better boundaries and it has helped.

If I were you stopping I’d start with a few boundaries. Like committing to doing only one night feed, and not before midnight. Separate out feeding and falling asleep. Get DH to do the settle to sleep after the feed and at bedtime.

Oh sorry I’m the idiot that missed that you said you’re a single mum.

Still try to set the boundaries. It is harder as you’ll have to manage the tears but keep going. Good luck x

@Thinkingahead8 Men! Honestly just comforting to know I'm not the only one going through it tonight lol. Good luck

@bigmistakes that's ok, thank you! I have managed to get her to sleep twice tonight just by cuddling and talking to her (when she stops screaming long enough to hear me) which is huge improvement.

There's hope yet.

Every woman could try breastfeeding and it's not for them or others find it hard to stop after a year, it isn't easy