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Original poster

AIBU?

15 replies

NaatQ968 · 10/04/2023 21:36

My dad has bullied me for years, here and there, mostly about my weight and the way I feel...

On the day of my daughters birth, he was outside the hospital, along with my partners parents who had travelled up from down south to be there, my mum was in with me and my partner.
He's absolutely fuming that his mum was allowed in but he wasn't? I was overdue and she was leaving the next day as she couldn't take anymore time off work so we wanted to get her to meet the baby, plus, my mum, his mum, both met her, that's not unreasonable right?

My partner is amazing genuinely amazing.

But my dad doesn't even bother with him, at all. Barely speaks to him or anything because they have different interests. Now my partners family are a "keep sake" family. My MIL started off a photo album for us and my partner we just added some pictures. My dad came over and seen this photo album and is appalled he's not in it, now he's cursing my partner.

I'm sticking up for my partner because I believe he did nothing wrong.

AIBU?

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SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 10/04/2023 22:15

Why do you see your "D"F? He sounds like an insecure bully.

Original poster
NaatQ968 · 10/04/2023 22:17

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 10/04/2023 22:15

Why do you see your "D"F? He sounds like an insecure bully.

He is an insecure bully. I've had this for years and years but what do I do?

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 10/04/2023 22:23

If he was my Dad, I'd stop seeing him. My M is incredibly awful. I see her once a week at her home and if she starts being horrible I leave. I've made the choice to see her but I now longer put up with any of her crap.

It doesn't sound like your F is good for you or your DP and it definitely isn't good for your LO to see you bullied and upset like this. They will think that this is how relationships work.

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UnderPressureLikeACustomerInALushStore · 10/04/2023 22:23

Easy. Cut him off!

Equalitea · 11/04/2023 06:50

Is there a reason you can’t cut him off? Do you rely on him for money? Childcare? Odd jobs?
Is there a reason that you tolerate his behaviour?

Original poster
NaatQ968 · 11/04/2023 19:01

Equalitea · 11/04/2023 06:50

Is there a reason you can’t cut him off? Do you rely on him for money? Childcare? Odd jobs?
Is there a reason that you tolerate his behaviour?

Cause the rest of the family will possibly get on and on at me... I've already had a grand parent who's said my partner should apologise. Over my dead body.

He's fantastic with my daughter, and she loves him. He treats her the way I wish I was treated.

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 13/04/2023 08:38

It doesn't matter if the rest of your family get in at you @NaatQ968. He's bullying you and it sounds as your family are supporting him, not you.

If you don't want to cut him off could you go low contact? So you see him say once a month and he doesn't come to your house?

Have you heard of grey rocking? I would do that to.

Original poster
NaatQ968 · 13/04/2023 22:31

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 13/04/2023 08:38

It doesn't matter if the rest of your family get in at you @NaatQ968. He's bullying you and it sounds as your family are supporting him, not you.

If you don't want to cut him off could you go low contact? So you see him say once a month and he doesn't come to your house?

Have you heard of grey rocking? I would do that to.

What is grey rocking?

He is a bully, I've now got his wife messaging me as if she's gonna be the peace maker... piss off.

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 14/04/2023 10:49

Grey Rocking is where you essentially make yourself as interesting as a rock. You don't react to anything they say, you don't talk about them and you don't give them any information about yourself and your family. I've been doing it with my "D"M for years. There's some information on how it works here.

If he's getting people to contact you on his behalf, he's using "flying monkeys". A very common tactic with abusers. Don't react to those either.

There's more on Flying Monkeys here.

Original poster
NaatQ968 · 19/04/2023 17:00

Update... now his wife is involved. Sticking up for him talking about how his "feelings were hurt".... what about mine?

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 19/04/2023 18:50

He's making himself out to be the victim. It's a common tactic with Narcissists.

Have you done any reading up on Narcissists yet @NaatQ968?

Motnight · 19/04/2023 18:55

NaatQ968 · 11/04/2023 19:01

Cause the rest of the family will possibly get on and on at me... I've already had a grand parent who's said my partner should apologise. Over my dead body.

He's fantastic with my daughter, and she loves him. He treats her the way I wish I was treated.

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Don't let your dd think that it's OK for you to be treated so badly by your dad.

Original poster
NaatQ968 · 20/04/2023 23:16

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 19/04/2023 18:50

He's making himself out to be the victim. It's a common tactic with Narcissists.

Have you done any reading up on Narcissists yet @NaatQ968?

I have and tbh it's exactly like him...

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 20/04/2023 23:23

His feelings were hurt over an unfinished photo album? Point out to his wife its UNFINISHED and he needs to stop causing drama where there is none

Ignore your grandparent demands of an apology just dont address it

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