Oh shit. Reality. Help

[KEvLA]

So I'm pregnant on my third baby. But I've got cold feet. When I sat cold feet, I mean I'm fucking bricking it. My eldest will be 5, my second will be 2 and then a newborn.
Reality has well and truly kicked in.

My question is - How the hell do people cope with three children. I'll be honest, my husband has said he's worried about me coping (I have bipolar disorders but very stable and on fantastic medication).
So because of my past pregnancies, my family have been much less than supportive (undiagnosed mental health condition on my last pregnancy).
What do I should I do, seems unethical to abort a baby based on this, but at the same time I'm worrying too.
I need some advice on this. I'm well aware this is a shitty post but if I didn't care about my family then I wouldn't post this. I know I'm going to get some hate for this, but if you're going to post hate answers at least come up with something productive and helpful too.

I have 3 with the same age gap. Yes it's hard (I've got no local support network) but my 3rd completes our family, I wouldn't change anything

Is your 2 year old in childcare? My advice would be to keep them in childcare - or start childcare before the baby is born. I did 3 days of no 2 in childcare so I had 2 days with just the newborn. And the oldest was of course in school

Is your partner supportive? I wouldn't want 3 without a hands-on supportive partner.

No judgement on whatever decision you make, 3 kids is wonderful but it is hard. When I only have 2 out of 3 for whatever reason I laugh at how easy it is in comparison but equally if the baby was planned would an abortion also have a bad impact on your mental health?

Best wishes whatever you decide x

I think you need to focus on your reasons for wanting a third. It's not for everyone but the fact that some families choose to have more than two children means there must be some good points.

What will a third add that you don't have now? In the lindest way, if you're in a good place now with your mental health then I think it is very important to have a think about the impact a baby will have and how you and your family will manage

I’m assuming this baby was planned so hang onto the reasons you had for going for a third.

But equally, if it’s likely to have significant mental health impacts, it’s ok to fully consider the implications of that and impact on the 2dc you already have, and whether the ultimate goal of the 3rd dc is worth the risks to the rest of your family.

In terms of coping with 3, it will be harder than with 2 but at the same time you’ll only have the baby and toddler at home most of the time. Spend the time now thinking through scenarios and working out strategies for how you will make managing the 3 as easy as possible eg bedtime routines, travel & transport, setting your home up to be as easy to live in as possible.

I’m assuming this is not a planned pregnancy.

You say it seems unethical to abort because of mental health problems, but what would you consider to be an ethical reason? Not expecting you to justify yourself here btw, you need to draw your own lines here.

If this is going to cause you to have real MH issues, is it fair on you, your other children, your partner, and even the new baby to go ahead with this pregnancy.

To be honest, you need to talk this through with your family and especially your husband. They are the ones who know you best and who you will be relying on for support

what mental health problem did you have with your previous pregnancies and what measures have you put in place so they aren’t repeated? Are you able to continue with your medication through pregnancy?

I certainly wouldn't hate, or judge, anyone in your position. We could all be bricking it for similar reasons.

Only you can make up your mind what to do but it has to be said having a third child, when your youngest is still very small, will be hard work if you have no help.

Is there any way you could afford somebody to do a bit of housekeeping for you? That would reduce the burden.

If you have time, think about it very carefully, weighing up all pros and cons, and find someone with whom you can talk it through in person before you make a decision.

Very good wishes. x

You can terminate a pregnancy for any reason you want, you don't have to justify it to anyone.

I would imagine a lot of pregnancies are terminated for this reason. My DH and I are at capacity coping with two small children, three doesn't feel like an option.

I have 3 DC with similar age gaps, and also went through varying stages of “what was I thinking?!!!”. I got pregnant thinking I was going to recover from long Covid, but I never did. Despite things being more difficult, I’m also more experienced and relaxed so it all balances out. I think ensuring you have all your support networks in place is a must - we don’t have family nearby but keeping the middle one in nursery a few days a week was really helpful; support groups for my condition also help. You can work with GP etc to help manage your mental health. We also live or die by our routine and our house looks like a pack of Tasmanian devils got loose in Toys R Us.

It’s definitely a big change, but even though having DC3 wasn’t my brightest idea objectively speaking, I have absolutely zero regrets. Perhaps take some time to work through your feelings and if possible talk to someone to help understand if you’re just having a wobble, or if adding a new baby will be too much.

We have 3 and our older children were 2.5 and 6 when our youngest was born. The youngest is 4 now and we've come out the other side of the very hardest younger years. The two youngest have an incredible bond.

It was very hard at times. I recall one occasion trying to settle baby for a nap with 2yo screaming for my attention and weeing all over the floor. Sometimes I felt very lonely. On the whole though it was fantastic and once I established a routine and got into the swing of things it was so much easier.

Was this pregnancy planned? What's your day to day set up?

i dont have children i wouldnt cope with 1 let alone 3 have a talk to your partner about it im sure your be ok but its gonna be hard work.

Your mental health is the most important thing here. The mental health of your kids depends on you staying stable.

If you and your DH are worried you won’t cope, it’s ok, you can have a termination.