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Original poster

Is my life over?

20 replies

Bullzeye · 09/04/2023 14:16

Currently sat here on an Easter Sunday having a whinge... my DS is a contact napper and struggles to sleep with noise etc. We are round at the in laws and there are lots of family round, dogs barking etc so I'm sat in the other room on my own whilst DS naps.

This is just an example but I feel like I can't go and enjoy my life with these contact naps I'm so restricted. He doesn't sleep in the car and only sleeps in the pram when we are walking, waking up as soon as I bring it in the house. We have hit the 4 month sleep regression and I know from experience if he doesn't get a decent nap, he is just inconsolable. I wish he was a baby who would sleep anywhere but I've come to terms with it now. Then I have family who dont necessarily understand and will say, "cant you just put him down and see if he sleeps!!" YES... if I'm only wanting him to sleep for 5 minutes 🤨

I hope one day I can enjoy my life again. Don't get me wrong, I do love the cuddles but sometimes it would be nice to go out and not be so anxious about sleep.

OP posts:
user1477249785 · 09/04/2023 14:22

Oh OP. You don't say how old your son is but I am guessing young. It really feels when they are little as if things will never be normal again. I promise they will. This is but a passing phase of your life. Hang in there.

Hopingforno2in2023 · 09/04/2023 14:23

I felt exactly the same at that point. Now I feel that I have too much of my life back and wish DS was younger again so I promise it does get better!

Whirlwindinacup · 09/04/2023 14:38

It does get better, my first was exactly the same and my second just slept anywhere but I think that was because I wasn't so anxious with the second. I think they will learn to sleep with noise over time although it's not fun while they're getting used to it, it will pay off in the long run. I gave myself (and probably everyone around me) a lot of anxiety worrying about how I did everything. Try to relax and they will be more relaxed.

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Whirlwindinacup · 09/04/2023 14:38

Sorry I meant I was so anxious with the first, not second.

RandomMess · 09/04/2023 14:40

Have you tried a wrap sling?

Comedycook · 09/04/2023 14:40

He's just a tiny baby and this is just a small window of time...you won't need to sit with him while he naps for the rest of his life..trust me!

Starsnspikes · 09/04/2023 15:06

Currently sitting here watching my 11 month old on the monitor as she sleeps peacefully in her own cot, having been put down fully awake and drifted off happily to sleep. She's been doing this since she was about 6 months maybe? And from 7 or 8 months taking very predictable, regular naps. Where I can expect at least an hour of baby free time for each nap.

At 4 months, I was exactly where you are now. I hated it. Naps ruled my life, or the lack of them. I'd occasionally get her down in the cot and then ten minutes later she'd be awake again, except no longer tired enough to nap even on me so I'd just gave a cranky baby. I was fortunate that she napped in the car (after crying first though), but having to take her for a drive just to get her to sleep was shit.

Anyway, I'm here to say it gets better and what feels like forever to you right now will be a distant memory one day. You will absolutely get your life back so just hang in there. Not saying it'll be the same timeline as I outlined above because every baby is different, but believe me you can have a nightmare napper who reforms a few months later :)

Aquamarine1029 · 09/04/2023 15:08

Why can't his father sit with him while you enjoy time alone with the family?

empoweringmama · 09/04/2023 15:54

@bullzeye I have a 3 year old, and he was similar to this up until the age of about 1 year. I can empathise with you so much because I remember how hard it was in this phase. Just know that it will get better and this hard time you are going through now will pass and be a distant memory in time to come. I used to find it helpful to wear a baby carrier/sling and then I weren't so restricted in what I could do. I started by doing it at home and then eventually when he was comfortable sleeping in it at home i could wear it when we were out and about and he would still sleep. Make sure to set boundaries with your partner/family etc. If you feel anxious or pressured by others questioning yours/your baby's routine then try limit being in them situations and stand your ground as you know what is best for your baby always and also make sure to make time for yourself so that you feel as though you have your own independence as well as being a mum. I have just started a podcast to empower and uplift mothers, if your interested ☺️ it's podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/empowering-mama/id1677981154

OnMyWayToSenility · 09/04/2023 15:57

It's a stage an awful stage, and also with your first it's really difficult to think is this it ? Is this my life now? Yes and no.

We've all been there and it's difficult I do remember thinking my life is over. It's not over I just changed and you will get used to it, kids grow you grow and it will get better promise xxx
Just take some time and give yourself a break xx

BungleandGeorge · 09/04/2023 16:02

1st children are often like this. It’s possible to start putting him down in the cot instead but will require more work temporarily. Or just wait he will outgrow it as some point.

Original poster
Bullzeye · 09/04/2023 18:46

Thanks everyone... yeah I guess ill wait it out til hes older. I'm just willing to do anything to keep him happy and content at the moment but at least it will improve at some point!

I wonder what will happen when I go back to work though. I am considering putting him in nursery for a day to get used to sleeping in a different environment and my mums for the other 2 days 😫

OP posts:
Original poster
Bullzeye · 09/04/2023 18:48

Thank you I'll have a listen!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bullzeye · 09/04/2023 18:49

He's 4.5 months. I hope so thanks!

OP posts:
shellyleppard · 09/04/2023 18:57

You totally have my sympathy. My eldest was exactly the same. The only thing that worked was swaddling him and leaving classic FM on the radio in his room. It will get easier, promise x luck 🍀❤️🙏

Laurakiaora · 09/04/2023 19:10

I'm in the same situation. Mine is 10 weeks and will only nap when she's on me. She hates the car seat and pram and spends most the time in both crying. If I put her down while she's asleep she almost forces herself awake then cries until cuddled.

I love the cuddles and lying with her on me but I do wish I could use the time she sleeps to be productive or have a few minutes to myself.

EssexMamisoa · 09/04/2023 19:47

OP same as me. My dd is 4.5 months too and will only sleep on me or outside in a moving pram. Agree it’s the pitts when people say “oh just put her down” (I very nearly sacked my cleaner on the spot for saying this but bit my tongue as realised I do need her as I cannot clean my house due to the contact nap situation!!)

ps she is also a terrible sleeper at night waking every 1-2 hours

pps I’m remaining positive that it will improve when she is ready

EssexMamisoa · 09/04/2023 19:50

BungleandGeorge · 09/04/2023 16:02

1st children are often like this. It’s possible to start putting him down in the cot instead but will require more work temporarily. Or just wait he will outgrow it as some point.

Is this true ie why are first children like this?

I only ask because I keep saying to my DH how would we function if we had a second DC who also insisted on contact naps while we had a toddler to also look after.

My current dd also refuses the sling so no hands free opportunity ever!

Original poster
Bullzeye · 09/04/2023 20:11

EssexMamisoa · 09/04/2023 19:47

OP same as me. My dd is 4.5 months too and will only sleep on me or outside in a moving pram. Agree it’s the pitts when people say “oh just put her down” (I very nearly sacked my cleaner on the spot for saying this but bit my tongue as realised I do need her as I cannot clean my house due to the contact nap situation!!)

ps she is also a terrible sleeper at night waking every 1-2 hours

pps I’m remaining positive that it will improve when she is ready

Poor you, glad it's not just me! We have resorted to cosleeping as he was waking every hour in the bedside crib and doesnt sleep well in it. He startles and twitches like crazy. He will do a 3 hr stretch in bed with me before wanting the boob for comfort! They say a difficult baby makes an easier toddler right?! (We can be hopeful)

OP posts:
EssexMamisoa · 09/04/2023 20:12

Bullzeye · 09/04/2023 20:11

Poor you, glad it's not just me! We have resorted to cosleeping as he was waking every hour in the bedside crib and doesnt sleep well in it. He startles and twitches like crazy. He will do a 3 hr stretch in bed with me before wanting the boob for comfort! They say a difficult baby makes an easier toddler right?! (We can be hopeful)

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Ha will keep my fingers crossed!!

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