8 month old whingey

[Hhhhmmmmmmmmmm]

My 8 month old always has been whingey/a crier but I return to work soon and really don’t know how I’m going to manage.
I have 2 other children 10 and 14 but my 8 month old baby cries and whinges CONSTANTLY. He stops only when he’s getting one to one eye contact and attention. He can go from crying one minute like he’s being brutally murdered to someone (not me) smiling at him and him laughing and smiling excitedly the next and my patience is wearing thin.
I subscribed to the whole ‘you can’t spoil a baby’ this time round and it’s not worked out. He’s also huge for his age so I can’t even carry him around in a sling. I can’t get anything done and I can’t take any more of the noise.
Its clear as day there’s nothing actually wrong with him but the neighbours wouldn’t agree 🫠
Please does anyone have any tips?
if I leave him and completely ignore him the whinge turns into screaming crying
He’s fed, changed, warm enough, comfortable and has sufficient toys placed in reach.
He gets plenty of attention, hugs, kisses, affection but doesn’t seem to like snuggling into me?

Oh that sounds rough. I am afraid I don’t have any practical tips… I’m also going back to work in early June and wondering how I am going to survive as mine just won’t sleep! Here to watch for any hints and tips! (I’m also dreading leaving baby and going back to work… but that’s a whole other issue!)

sending hugs. You’re not on your own xxx

Get a childminder who'll babywear him or is child centered.

I was a childminder when my eldest was very small and this was my selling point specifically because I was and am deeply uncomfortable with leaving any baby to cry, so I never did. I pushed my triple buggy to get my dc1 + 2 mindees to sleep or carried one in a wrap and one on my back and pushed the oldest in a buggy or napped (actually read a book lying with them, I didn't actually nap) with them on the bed or very occasionally in bad weather drove them around (maybe once per fortnight).

I focussed on the children all the time. We went out every day and were outdoors unless the weather was very bad. We baked and played and did crafts at home.

A child like your son will probably be better suited to a childminder than nursery and the advantage of childminders is you can find one who's style suits your child.

I have 3 of my own (now teens) and I do think the child centered approach pays off as they're delightful, empathetic kids (eldest is 18) and we've never really had big battles or struggles. Securely attached children are easier ling term, harder short term perhaps... Your son sounds securely attached, so go with it and find him a third attuned adult caregiver.

He’s been with a childminder a few hours twice a week for the last 3 weeks for his settling in period who always sings his praises saying how he’s ‘such a happy baby’, I feel like she’s talking about a different child 🫠

I agree childminders over nursery 100% at this age, I usually have mine with childminders until around age two/2.5 where I feel like they can outgrow it a bit.

I used to at least get a decent sleep as he slept 12/14 hours a night but he’s had a few bugs and cold plus a regression recently and this has resulted into him being up and basically feeding like a newborn during the night now too.

Do I stop soothing him when he cries? Do I allow him to be bored? Because my current tactics aren’t working but I don’t really see him settling without being comforted…though as I type I’m realising that he’s not even settled when I’m settling him, the only time he’s quiet is when he’s feeding or sleeping 😫 I love the bones of him but I’m highly considering getting a second job as I am only part time in my current role so can only justify childcare 2 days per week whereas I could get a second job and have him in childcare more, although his childminder doesn’t have a full time space until September 😫 I always regret working FT whilst my eldest was a baby but he seems so much happier under the childminders care than my own 😢

Don't stop soothing him when he crisis but do allow him to be slightly bored if he has access to sensory toys and the opportunity to explore and isn't distressed/ crying.

By all means go full time from September and lock in that childminder spot as he's happy! Your job is to ensure he has what he needs, not to personally be what he needs.

My child whined/moaned all the time without 1:1 active conversation with her. Never, even from newborn days, could she lie on a playmat for just 2mins while I did some washing up just 2feet away. You absolutely have my sympathies!

I don't have advice but can pass on that a) walking was a gamechanger - turns out she was just an incredibly frustrated baby and b) change wasn't linear and the worst of the bad times didn't last - I don't know if leaps really exist, but we certainly had hard whingy spells (weeks), and just when I thought I was at my limit it'd be followed quite suddenly by smiley, happier ones (even if still clingy).

I know you said he’s huge, but there are slings made by more specialised companies that can accommodate pre-school sized children.

I’ve just bought a Lenny Lamb. It’s so comfortable, and my DD doesn’t grizzle at all while she’s in there. I use it for both outings and at home.

This is true - there is no 8 month old human that a healthy youngish adult without back/ hip problems/ arthritis or related conditions couldn't carry around in the right carrier if they wanted to, but it is easier if you've carried them right from the start, as you barely notice the increase in weight if you've been unconsciously "training" by carrying the baby as they grow.