Crying too much in front of toddler?

[Lululemonade38]

Hi, please be gentle but Im starting to worry that Im crying too much in front of my toddler and wondering if it might have a detrimental affect on them.
I was brought up not exposed to my parents displaying such emotions so I think it is healthy to an extent to show children how to express themselves in that way
However, I have a young baby, just gone on birth control (so naturally Im very hormonal right now) and my soon to be 3 year old is very strong willed. We have frequent meltdowns, tantrums, night terrors etc, and I just find myself teary a lot, like a few times a week. Mostly as a result of a tantrum. Im now starting to think this might create issues with her. Will this end up making her feel quilty? Will she soon become desensitised to others emotions? Am I doing more harm than good?

I would try not to cry in front of her.

You’re human, OP. It’s fine to display emotion but I’d say you probably need some help with a toddler and a young baby! If you can take a break when you feel especially tearful, by popping the baby and toddler in a safe space with someone and taking yourself to a different room for a second, then do it. Hormonal stuff is hard but it passes! If you suspect you’re having issues regulating your emotions otherwise, or you’ve maybe had an issue with the strength of your emotions in the past (intensity of feeling etc), then therapy can definitely help.

You’re right that it’s a fine line between healthy and appropriate expression that children can learn from, and inappropriate expression that can swamp a child. I grew up with a parent who struggled (still does!) to regulate their emotions and it was very challenging. I frequently felt overwhelmed by them and yes, emotionally blackmailed. But that’s not what seems to be going on with you! The fact you’re aware and asking questions is also amazing. You sound like a great mum to me, and your kids are lucky to have you!

This isn’t emotionally healthy for her. You are expecting her to deal with your emotions and that isn’t fair.

If you need to cry you need to cry but try not to do it front of her.

Do you think you might be depressed? Or need a different pill? How old is your baby? Are you a single parent or do you have a partner who could be more present if you’re struggling?

Thank you, I appreciate that. Its difficult to to know the balance when you've been brought up one way. I just want to try and get it right

Im going have to suck it up and do that next time.
I had the injection for the first time recently and my baby is 3 months. I have a husband but I do the majority of the parenting right now as Im on mat leave with both children

Thanks, Im realising this now. I never tell her im crying because of her but obviously if we're in the middle of a meltdown and I have tears in my eyes she can tell

It sounds like you are having a tough time, unfortunately when your toddlers emotions are all over the place and they are losing control they need their mum calm, to be a safe place and in control. You falling apart while they are being a handful isn't teaching them anything.

Hopefully your hormones and emotions will settle down soon, if not it may be worth thinking how you can get time out to help you cope or speaking to your gp.

Yeah. You need to role model healthy emotional behaviour and that means showing her you are calm, collected and in control even when she is falling apart, because she needs to know you’ve got this.

She needs to know you’re in charge and running the ship, otherwise you’re all out at sea together and nobody knows what they’re doing, so that sets off her internal alarm system and causes anxiety.

Thank you, thats so true.

I never really thought of it that way and that's so important. Thank you, I will remember this

I don't think you should contain your emotions entirely, just make sure you reassure your children you are okay and maybe try to explain your feelings if appropriate.

It sounds like you are having a tough time at the moment, please don't beat yourself up for showing emotion. You sound like a great mum. Very self aware and caring.

I found this article which I think is great advice www.huffpost.com/entry/parents-crying-in-front-of-kids_l_5cf565cce4b0e346ce82b553

Thank you and that's also great advise to reassure her. The article is very helpful.