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13 w/o really struggling

2 replies

Smonag01 · 06/04/2023 13:06

Hi

Im just reaching out for a bit of reassurance as mumsnet is the only thing helping me in the last 8 weeks.

Really struggling as first time mum to a 13 week old. Birth was horrendous - emergency c section without pain relief (hosp messed up my epidural) but I haven’t even had a chance to process that yet. Am bottle feeding due to the trauma though.

My son is a gorgeous baby, generally so content and happy except for his reflux. At 5 weeks, whilst previously being a chunky guzzler, he struggled to take his milk and was in clear amounts of distress and pain. After multiple visits and sobs to the GP was given gaviscon to no effect and fobbed off that he’ll grow out of it. On an emergency out of hours GP visit she prescribed nutramigen for suspected CMPA with no effect.

All the while feeding the baby was becoming the most distressing thing in my life. We had to feed him during naps if we could as he seemed a bit calmer then but even that was distressing. He showed all the classic reflux symptoms. Finally saw a paediatrician privately (who diagnosed him with GERD) and he’s on Neocate and Omeprazole now which I think have definitely got the pain under control. However, the reflux is still really difficult to live with.

Baby is still difficult to feed and whilst I’m trying to feed him awake, he often refuses until
he is very hungry and then also sleepy which makes it even harder to feed him. There is no chance of feeding him when he first wakes up either as he’s incredibly alert and inquisitive and rejects the bottle. So the first bottle of the day is often about 90 mins after he wakes. We are seeing a SALT about these aversive behaviours and I’m trying to relax about him taking the bottle a bit more as I’m sure my anxiety shows through. But I do feel we are making some progress as he is getting better and taking it more - just need to accept my baby is never going to be a text book milk drinker.

He is about 50-100ml away from his daily recommended milk intake and we have been tracking his weight as he dropped from 91st to 75th centole. He is gaining weight just some weeks quite slowly. But it’s a constant concern and worry.

His reflux is still very stressful though. We have multiple projectile vomits a week (sometimes daily), he has a cough (which the consultant has checked) which sometimes causes the vomits and all other classic GORD symptoms.

Otherwise he has been such a happy and alert baby and I try to cherish that. He constantly chats, coos, waves his arms and legs around, loves his bouncer and his play mat. He’s very nosy and likes a lot of attention! His sleeping was getting better (he slept through for a couple of nights) but has taken a turn for the worse this week - after his overnight bottle he just can’t seem to settle in his crib. I have resorted to co sleeping a few times because his sleep in the crib is so disrupted.

All this has taken its toll on me a lot. I feel so jealous of seeing other babies feed and haven’t felt ready to do any mother and baby groups yet. Most of my friends don’t have babies so don’t really understand what I’m going through. My partner is understanding and helps out but works long hours in the city. I haven’t felt ready to go out to all the baby groups yet as his feeding is so difficult.

This week he has become inconsolable at about 8pm for a good few nights. Screamed for hours last night. He never used to do that (unless he was feeding). I think it might be that he needs more naps during the day as is getting overtired and hungry (he’s hungrier at night) or I need to start implementing a bedtime.

I just wanted to reach out to others for reassurance - do things get better?? Im hoping solids will help but have been advised that reflux babies can become averse to those too. I feel so confused and alone in all this.

OP posts:
Februaryschild2023 · 06/04/2023 13:49

I promise things get better.
I have a 4 year old and an 8 week old- I wouldn't have done it again if things didn't get better!

While I didn't have the awful reflux/colic issues you had, I was mega traumatised from my c section, unable to breastfeed and really struggled to bond with my first baby. He was, by everyone's reckoning, an 'easy' baby but I was completely overwhelmed and numb from the birth. I totally get what you mean watching other women feed- I hated being in groups and seeing breastfeeding, it made me feel like a 'fake' mum or something. Stupid to think now, but that's how I felt.

Honestly it does get so much better. From now on your baby will get more and more personality, and everything will be less about feeding/sleeping (that's all they do to start with so I really don't get why so many people enjoy this stage- later is so much more fun).

Could you access any counselling for your birth, it sounds horrific, and talking it through might help. Your health visitor might be able to point you in the right direction or the hospital might have a birth reflections thing?

Sending lots of love. New babies are so hard, particularly your first, and particularly if you've had trauma or any other issues. There's nothing wrong with counting down the weeks til things start getting better- but they will really soon, honestly. From about 16 weeks they really become little people.

halloumi1 · 06/04/2023 13:51

Hi OP,

Can’t give you much advice but I can tell you you’re not alone. When you feel ready, you could possibly ask the hospital for a birth debrief which might help you process things a bit better. Have you got anyone else around you who could support you in any way? Even just helping with some bits around the house. I know first hand how hard it is to get anything else done as you become all consumed with the reflux issues!

Our DD is 9 weeks and we’re currently on the same rollercoaster. Started with screaming episodes on an evening which we couldn’t stop and progressed to happening after every feed. Barely any sleep in the day and just screaming. We’re currently trialling to see if it’s CMPA mixed with reflux but I think the plan is to put her back on original formula soon, just treating the reflux to rule that out. We’re on Neocate and Omeprazole but I’m not sure it’s really done a lot so wondering if it could be more. DH is off sick because it’s that bad and we were worried I was going to get PND.

The worry it’s going to hinder her development by not sleeping and not being able to help is something else! I feel robbed of going anywhere like baby groups again (didn’t get chance with DS due to covid lockdowns) because if we’re out, if you dare to stop the pram/car etc or just want to sit, it‘s impossible.

Please be kind to yourself and if your partner gets chance with possibly leave or something, make sure you have time away for just you. You’re doing an amazing job, as much as it probably doesn’t feel it right now. Keep pushing the HV or Dr if you’re not sure about something or if you feel things aren’t right.

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