Long time lurker but first time poster. Apologies, this is a long one.
I have a 3,5 year old and am currently expecting my second. I've been having a number of arguments with DP on how we should discipline our son. Our son is currently being assessed for ADHD/Autism (GP and nursery have aired concerns, hence the asessment). He is a lovely boy but he is slightly speech delayed and when he does have a meltdown, they are rather intense and that is putting it mildly. Screaming, kicking, biting, often lasting up to an hour. Whereby that point he is so exhausted, he will fall asleep. DP and I however have a very different approach on how to discipline our child. When my son is being naughty, I'd rather tell him so and put him in time out for a few minutes or when he is having a meltdown caused by some sort of sensory overload, I believe in comforting him since that is the quickest way to make the meltdown stop.
DP cannot handle the crying and meltdowns at all. He says I am far too soft on him. Calls him "a Hitler", a horrible little shit and so on. Mainly when he is experiencing a meltdown or even when he is just playing, well behaved, but being a bit loud. I feel as if sometimes our son cannot even breathe without DP getting annoyed with him. He will usually get in our son's face, scream at him to stop, taunt him, when LO inevitably gets even more upset, my DP decides to smack him repeatedly on his bum or his hand and repeats he is horrible and naughty. DP's behaviour has become a daily occurence now. I have talked to him numerous times about how uncomfortable this makes me and how he is teaching his child that violence is okay when it obviously isn't but he will not accept that his way of "discipline" isn't right imo and that "a good smack" is fine because this is the way he was raised, he sees it as the right & proper way to raise a child.
DP will also regularly taunt me with the "good luck being a single mum" because he knows I don't have a lot of friends or family support if I were to walk away. I would most definitely be on my own. DP does have a history of anxiety and depression and was diagnosed with bipolar approx 5 years ago, which doesn't help his behaviour. But his behaviour has made me resent him, I worry about the effect that this will have on our children so although I know it will be hard, I would rather walk away. My main concern is DP having the kids on his own. I worry what he will do when I am not there to stop it since he does have a temper. Is there a way to only have supervised contact when I do leave him? Anyone who has gone through a similar experience? Any advice would be welcomed. Thank you.