Too hard

[Sarahmille80]

My boys are literally driving me bonkers. From the squabbling, tale telling on each other, constantly hurting each other, arguing over every little thing, winding each other up. They never play nicely, they argue over the tv.

I know brothers are like this (they are 5 and 8) and my youngest has changes since he started school in September he is much more confident and cocky and will stand up for himself.

But worst of all they have no respect for us, they ignore us when we ask them to do something, they laugh at us when we ask them to do something, they mimic us, they have no respect for the house will eat a chocolate bar for example then just Chuck the rubbish on the floor.

I’m really miserable and we have obviously failed somewhere along the line.

Any advise?

What are the consequences for being disrespectful OP?

You say they argue over the TV. There wouldn't be TV to argue over in my house with that kind of behaviour.

Kids will argue. They won't always get along. Being rude is not acceptable and they should be aware of the clear consequences for this.

My 7 and nearly 5 year old have been squabbling loads and pushing boundaries too.

It's absolutely exhausting and soul destroying but the only way to deal with it is to be firm and give immediate, related, consequences.

Put that in the bin please - if you leave litter you won't be getting another chocolate bar.

If you can't agree on something to watch, the TV is going off. You've got 2 minutes to agree on something.

We don't speak that way in our family, try again please.

And so on. It sounds like you need to toughen up a bit. It's amazing how far a bit of strictness can go in improving behaviour. I do find it hard because I hate them getting upset/angry and it's hard being the bad guy, but it works.

There are lots of hard days with them (I also have a 1 year old) and I can't always muster the energy to deal with it but I'm trying, a bit at a time, to keep improving their behaviour and helping them learn how to interact properly with others.

No help but my just turned 9 year old DS and 5 year old DD are like this, they fight all day long 😩

Usually a threat, such as if you carry on you won’t have your tablet this evening. They usually just mimic and laugh and carry on! So they loose tablet, then I will say if you carry on then you’ll loose it tomorrow as well-sometimes they stop, sometimes they don’t.

Usually a threat, such as if you carry on you won’t have your tablet this evening. They usually just mimic and laugh and carry on! So they loose tablet, then I will say if you carry on then you’ll loose it tomorrow as well-sometimes they stop, sometimes they don’t.

I think ‘this evening’ is too long away for the 5 year old, and it’s not the natural consequence of the behaviour.

I agree with PPs - squabbling over the telly means no telly right now.

Wrappers not picked up means you don’t do X fun thing until it happens.

This is in relation to them messing around getting ready for school! So it’s like you aren’t having any tablets tonight now kind of thing.

I feel your pain. Natural (and immediate) consequences are needed as PP suggested, wrappers on floor = no more chocolate.

We had the same issue as you (kids same ages too) and below is what worked for us. Not an overnight solution but it's definitely made our house calmer and happier:

List of house rules that are agreed on together, written down by the children and stuck on the wall.

Tackle one rule each week for example week one might be "Ask before you leave the table" or "sit on your chair during mealtimes". (Best to pick rules that everyone in the house can follow if possible including parents).

Each time they successfully stick to this rule, they get 10p in their individual jars. Once that becomes a habit, move to the next rule, eg "put rubbish in the bin straight away".

One rule could be "Please do things the first time you are asked" Or it could be more specific "get dressed for school the first time you are asked/by 8am/within 15 mins" (whatever suits) You may have to break this down into 10p for getting dressed, 10p for brushing teeth, 10p for getting shoes on etc depending on how they respond to it.

We were careful to phrase the rules in a positive way eg instead of "no swearing" it was "use nice language" because this is easier for the kids to follow and for us to reward.

We had the jars in view and always gave the 10p immediately after they earned it so they felt the connection. You need to work hard at first to remember and be consistent but it became a habit for us and was worth it.

Sometimes it's about being proactive rather than reactive. So making sure they have specific stuff to do so they don't have less time to fight over TV etc.