17 month old is frightened every time someone enters the house, even people she knows

[JadeandGreen]

My 17 month old granddaughter is scared every time anyone enters the house, including people she knows. As soon as anyone comes in she runs to her mum crying, she also looks frightened. She clings to her mum and if the person who has entered talks to her she cries more. After around 20 minutes she will slowly leave mum and carry on with whatever she was doing, then eventually will be comfortable with the person and happily sit with them or play.

Any ideas why she reacts this way?

My daughter used to do this. Doesn’t any more 😊 think it was just a developmental stage for her, stranger danger etc

Even with family? What age did your daughter stop?

Is it an issue for you?

It’s not abnormal.

@JadeandGreen Yep with family too. We didn’t see them often due to covid etc. I can’t really remember when she stopped but it was fairly recent, and she’s 4 now.

No it's not an issue as such. Just curious as to why. My daughter is a single parent and has never been able to leave her with anyone, even briefly, to get a break, so it can be hard for her some days.

She sees me at least twice a week. Hopefully it'll pass sooner rather than later, but was just curious as never experienced this with any of my own children.

Perhaps she hasn’t experienced many new people as your daughter never leaves her with anyone so I’m wondering if she’s not getting a chance to meet many people?

Perhaps they need to get out to mum and baby groups etc a bit?

Your daughter can leave her child with other people, she just hasn't. Her daughter might be upset for a little while, but she would settle. Separation anxiety is totally normal and is a phase just like being unsettled when people come into the home.

I don't think it's abnormal that she's frightened of strangers, but I do think it's odd that her mother has never left her with anyone. Does she not see her dad and his family? Does your daughter not work? Maybe your granddaughter needs a bit more socialising

My grandson of the same age is very stand offish with people outside his immediate family too-even with me sometimes on the rare occasion I haven’t seen him for a week or more. I’m sure 2 or 3 of my kids went through a similar stage at around the same age too. It’s normal.

This is normal, loads of kids do it. The way to deal with it is to ignore and let her come round on her own time. Do not draw attention to it or you risk entrenching the behaviour. Just keep on going round and let the child come to you when ready. When they do be friendly but not too much.

It must be overwhelming as a child because you have no control over who enters your home/space.

My daughter did this at that age. She wouldn't cry but she would become very quiet and hide behind me or her dad for a little while until she'd "come round". She attended nursery three days a week and was very happy there, so it was nothing to do with not being left. She still has a moment of nervousness when the from door opens now aged 2.5, but as soon as she sees it's someone she knows and likes she runs over to say hello.

Many of my nieces/nephews were the same. One niece in particular didn't really grow out of it until she was 3.5.

Very normal separation anxiety at that age. It's the point at which a child realises (not consciously) that they are a separate being from the parent(s) and there are other separate beings in existence as well. It would be much more unusual if a child didn't show it as part of their development.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/babys-development/behaviour/separation-anxiety/#:~:text=Babies%20and%20toddlers%20often%20get,usually%20grow%20out%20of%20it.

She sounds like my youngest DS, he would scream when the doorbell was pushed and would be the same with everyone, slow to warm up to people. There's a great book by Dr Elaine Aron called The highly sensitive child, that's all it is, just being Very sensitive. Even now as a teenager if there's a very loud sudden noise DS gets very shaken up. He's a normal kid though, just sensitive, which can have pros as well as cons.

I accidentally read 17 year old instead of 17 month old. So the original post sounded funny to me.

Normal. She will grow out of it in her own time. Trying to force her would be unkind and psychologically damaging at 17m old

Oh yeah, my D's, when very little didn't go near my sister. It was weird and a bit upsetting! But then you have to remember he was also scared of the rear wiper in my car, so....

Grew out of it all by 3!

My daughter takes her swimming, to baby groups, soft play, etc. She also takes her out with friends who have young children too.

She has tried numerous times. The baby doesn't just get upset for a little while, she screams until she vomits, or until her mum returns, so my daughter stopped doing it for now as it was too upsetting for everyone involved.

I'm glad it seems to be a phase so hopefully it will pass soon.

It's not just strangers, it's family too. She has tried to leave her, numerous times. Yea, she sees her Dad at Mum's house, she's the same with him, strange at first but comes around eventually. I don't think it's a lack of socialising, as I said upthread, she goes to baby groups, swimming, soft play etc and socialises with my daughter's friends children, however, she doesn't always seem to enjoy this either.

My DD used to do this, no rhyme or reason. Even with my DH. She grew out of it once she started nursery.

Thank you. Yea that's what I've been doing, just say hello when I go in then sit down and leave her be until she comes to me.

Thanks everyone, seems to be more common than I thought. Was just puzzled by it, but I'm guessing it'll pass in her own time and until then we'll just go at her pace.