I'm not sure if I want to have children.

[TeacherTeacher90]

Just that really.
I don't feel "normal" feelings that everyone I basically know are explaining to me.
Just for backstory - I'm the last of all of my friends to have children. I'm 32, I'm a primary schooo teacher. I don't know if that's why I don't feel I want my own - becauee I spend all day around other peoples children and just enjoy quiet time when I get home, or whether it will come later in my 30s? But I am just really really questioning it.
All of my family think I am going to have children. Every time there is a family gathering I get the usual questioning of "oooo it's you next!" Or "when will it be your turn?" And I just laugh it off but I am really wondering whether I want children or not.
I am so awkward around babies - I just really feel scared and don't know what on earth to do with them.
I am very comfortable around children of 4+ as I do this for a job.
Please help. Is what I am feeling normal? I just need to talk to someone, no one in my life seems to be in this situation and I darent even say it out loud.

I've wrote that so quickly there are a few typos 🙈 apologies!

Not wanting to have children is a perfectly valid and legitimate choice, and to be perfectly honest one that more people should probably make instead of getting swept along in what society expects, and then being surprised that it's not an endlessly wonderful experience for everyone.

You don't have to have children OP!
I'm late 30s and have decided to stay child free but have really wrestled with the decision since I turned 30. There is so much societal expectation to have children, but there are more and more women choosing not to these days. I did some counselling and it really helped me come to terms with my own feelings about it. Now I'm excited about the rest of my child-free life, instead of dreading the prospect of being a mother. It feels like such a liberation. Do what you want to do, not what you feel is expected of you.

My own experience, not advice. I was never comfortable around babies, or children for that matter
Never thought I wanted children. Talked about it a bit with my husband as he wanted to be father. Got scared and wasn’t sure I wanted to be a mother, so I put it off. Somehow ended up pregnant at 41. This child is the joy of my life, I didn’t really know what love was until she came along, not like this anyway.
Now really want a second at 43, don’t think it will happen.
All I am saying is if you know you don’t want to, you don’t have to. If think you might but you are scared, that’s normal. If you are not sure, you still have some time, you are still young enough to take some time to think, but it has to be a decision that’s right for you, not other people.
All the best with whatever you decide x

Absolutely. I think a fear of regret is a really bad reason to have children, have children because you want to not because you want to want to..!

My husband worked with kids and was quite against the idea of having his own at the time. After a career change he decided he did. I think the idea of work and home with young kids can be quite a lot!

Normal. You don't have to have any. I am pretty much 40 and have known for many years that I did not want any kids; I was a teacher for a bit and that really cemented the dislike of the idea! If you're going to choose a partner and add to the population, please be bloody sure it's for you.

Don’t have them I said at 13 no children ever, have never regretted it. It’s your life if you don’t want them then don’t especially not to please anyone else. Just make sure contraception is water tight oh and remember if on the pill if on a course of antibiotics no sex until period. Too many get fought that way. I told first ex “you don’t come near me till after period”.

Sorry after period.

It's my opinion that if instead of society seeing having kids as just one of the things we do, the default was we only had kids if we really really bloody wanted them then there would be an awful lot less neglected and unloved kids in the world.

It's really normal to not want kids. Unless you really want them you shouldn't have them.

You need to tell your family members that talk about you having a baby that they are being rude, intrusive and that you want them to stop. Imagine if you did want kids but were struggling to have them and they were saying that.

I was in your exact situation 4 years ago, early years teacher so I knew how tough children's beaviour can be and didn't want to give up a life of doing what I wanted, when I wanted (so long as it was in school holidays!) My DH was keen though so I tied myself up in knots trying to decide what to do.

What eventually happened was that I realised I may not want a baby but I did want a family of more than just DH and I. I was still reluctant but suggested we stop using protection and I was thinking if it happens in a year that's fine and if not obviously fate meant it wasn't to be. I fell pregnant straight away and was terrified of literally everything to do with birth, babies and the impending responsibility. I ended up having some CBT which really helped and I loved pregnancy, had an emergency C-section which was fine with an easy recovery and have absolutely loved being a mum. It's definitely hard work but all the good bits out weigh that.

If someone had told me what I'd be like as a mum (not bothered about; the lack of sleep, not being able to leave the house on my own, not being able to go out for nice dinners/to the theatre for the first 11 months) I'd not have believed them in the slightest but here we are with a 20mo and I have been the one to instigate trying for another!

However, I also would have been perfectly happy continuing as I was because obviously you don't get to do a trial run to see what you're missing!

I think identify exactly what it is that puts you off and weigh up whether you're happy to not have a baby/child/teenager because of it. There are other things that can bring you lots of joy and it's ok to choose not to have a child.

Kids are wonderful and mine are my world, I love them so much… BUT it’s so so hard. I’m so tired all the time. I have no me time, having children is an almost crushing responsibility at times and you can never ever escape !! I desperately wanted and love mine and I still find it overwhelming.

in short - if you’re not sure you want them, don’t.

Thank you all, so much. You've been so kind and understanding with your replies. I definitely won't be having them until I'm 100% sure and if that time doesn't come then it wasn't meant to be ❤️ thank you all. It's nice to hear that other people are in the same situation. I genuinely have been too scared to have the conversation with any of my family and friends.

It sounds like you feel that you should want kids rather than actually want kids.
It's OK not to want them and you don't need a reason or an excuse.

I wasn't remotely interested in kids in my 20s or early 30s. Only really started to think about it around 35 when I became conscious that my age would soon mean it was no longer a choice that was open to me (at an indefinite 'later' date).

DH and I eventually decided to TTC - but it was much more about wanting to experience parenthood/ curiosity/ being ready for another chapter after lots of travel and pleasing ourselves. I never felt broody at all. Not until I actually got pregnant - and from the moment I heard the heartbeat at 7 weeks, I wanted my child more than anything. And have loved motherhood, way more than I ever thought possible. I now have 3 kids!

My point is - you may never feel broody, but that isn't a giveaway signal about whether or not it's right for you.