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Original poster

Intimacy post birth

9 replies

Mumm1993 · 02/04/2023 18:17

Hi all
I’m still in the early stages of pregnancy but I’m already worrying about what life will be like with my partner post baby.
we’ve been together 11 years and are good about talking about how we’re feeling but we’re malls incredibly intimate and have an amazing physical side to our relationship.
I keep seeing threads about mums who just completely loose their sex drive and in all honesty this terrifies me . I absolutely love the physical intimacy I have with my partner and am terrified of loosing what we have.

Did you find that having a baby bought you closer as a couple or pushed you apart? Did you feel more intimate or much less so? I’m not necessarily worried about how much sex will hurt etc but more that people still felt in love and physically intimate with their partners after a baby.

id rather people were honest so I know what to expect and can have an honest conversation with my other half

thanks all 🤗

OP posts:
DragonbornMum · 02/04/2023 19:15

I won't lie to you: having a baby definitely changes things.

Initially, we were just too knackered to do anything. It was 4 (?) months before we were intimate again - which, as I understand it, is much sooner than some couples.

Our son is now 20 months. For me, I don't think my sex drive is much different than pre-baby. We definitely do it less, but due to other factors than the toddler (husband's work etc). My drive was totally gone during pregnancy, but it's back again post partum and I think it's the same as before. I was breastfeeding, but I don't think this affected me too much in that respect.

The first time didn't hurt as much as I'd worried - I have (had?) vaginismus so I was quite scared, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the VERY first time

Hope this helps.

Groutyonehereagain · 02/04/2023 19:24

Having a baby changes your life completely. It’s virtually impossible to imagine what it’s like but trust me, your lives will change absolutely and completely. There’s no point you dwelling on how your sex lives will change but once you have a baby your priority becomes that baby. I was exhausted for ages after the birth, due to a long labour, changes in my body, changes in my hormones, the intensity of looking after a baby and most of all, endless broken nights. Sex was the last thing on my mind for months and I gather this is pretty normal. Having said that, everyone is different. Congratulations on your pregnancy. 💐

rfr · 02/04/2023 19:30

I have also been with my husband 11 years. It has definitely brought us closer together. I loved him before, but seeing how attentive he is with our kids and how much he looked after me postpartum has really made me love him on a whole new level as well. We've got 3 kids and we still cuddle on the sofa and watch films, we still have regular sex and we are still very affectionate with each other. My drive did drop a bit when pregnant and immediately after birth, but soon picked up again!

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Meandfour · 02/04/2023 19:32

Me and DH have 4 children and we’re closer than ever. Still have sex regularly and I had csections so we did wait about 8 weeks before having sex after they were born.
I love him even more, honestly!

Valour · 02/04/2023 19:40

I think you have a really good chance of being okay if you have a good physical relationship before you have DC. We have resumed our sex life as before from 4 weeks after birth, and it still feels really important and intimate. Doesn't feel any different either!

Bridget83 · 02/04/2023 19:45

It just hasn't been the same for me/us. Too tired. Don't make time. Kids in the bed with us. It's not ideal but ours are under 3 so hopefully we'll get things back soon.

Nimblesandbimbles · 02/04/2023 19:54

I honestly wouldn’t spend too much time worrying about this now. There are so many factors that can affect intimacy such as the type of birth you have, the type of baby you have etc. There are so many variables. You might have a straightforward birth & a baby that sleeps well & be back to the intimate side of your relationship very quickly. For me it wasn’t the most important thing post birth & luckily my DP felt the same & never pestered or nagged me. But we are still very close. Try not to stress, you have good foundations to your physical relationship. It’s good that you communicate a lot too.

Royalbloo · 02/04/2023 19:58

Yeah, sorry but I was the most sexual person and that's off the radar now.

I am sure there are things you can do to try and keep it alive but, having now divorced, I have the odd sexy dream and that's enough for me. Might be TMI but I really couldn't give less of a shit.

Hoping my lust comes back in later life.

Royalbloo · 02/04/2023 19:59

If you have a good partner I have heard you develop a deeper level of intimacy, but I didn't get that.

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