Feeling Guilty About Working More Days

[nobodygirl2023]

Since my oldest was born, I've worked 3 days. I found it really hard to keep on top of things at work in that time but one of the days we also relied on grandparents for childcare which is now no longer an option.

As a result, I've decided to go back 4 days after my maternity leave with my second child to allow my DH to drop to 4 days too and have the kids on the day we needed cover. It should also help me professionally.

It means the other 3 days the kids will be in nursery. It'll be long days (8:00-5:30). I'm not so worried about the older one increasing her days as she's almost moving to the pre-school room and enjoys her time there as it is. I am however feeling so guilty that my youngest, still a baby, will have much less time with me than the older one got (I'm also going back to work earlier than I did with my first this time). I'm worried it'll affect our bond. They'll both now have 3 days a week with me instead of 4 - I feel awful that I'll spend more time at work than with them. I don't personally know anyone else that does this while their kids are this young.

Just looking for some reassurance really. Am I doing the right thing?

DT’s started full time nursery at six months (normal maternity leave then). My career wouldn’t have waited for me to be off any longer. We didn’t have any family in the UK so nursery was the only option. DT’s are now 22 but we are still in touch with two of the nursery staff as they became our friends - they also became our babysitters.
DT’s loved nursery and flourished there so have no regrets with the decision we made.

Well you could look at it the other way, their time with your DH will be going up, which will be great for them and him.

No one can say if you're doing the right thing as it's different for every family. But I work full time, as does DH, and we have a 3.5 year old and an 11 month old who are in nursery 4 days a week and with grandparents on the 5th day. Our bond is great and it works for us.

3 days in nursery, and 4 days home with one or both parents sounds absolutely fine.

Do what works for you and your family. A more even balance of paid work and caring responsibilities between the parents, as you describe, sounds like a very good idea for all sorts of reasons.

OP I was just about to start a thread on exactly the same topic, and saw yours. I've worked part time since having DD however with the cost of living I need to increase to 4 days a week from 3. I feel awful about it and worried DD won't cope with the increase, but can't see away around it. DD is 3 in August.

Oh and we have no family so it will be 4 days in paid care.

I'm probably just having a bit of a wobble but I do feel really bad about it and worry I'll regret having done it once they're older and don't have option of lots of time with them anymore. But I guess needs must.

Thanks. I think logically I know this but then the mum guilt creeps in. In all honesty, I find it difficult to find things to fill the days off all the time (without spending loads) so it's probably better for them.

I just try to think what good is it spending time with them if we don't have a roof over our heads.