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Parenting

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Exes GF

8 replies

PennyLane12345 · 31/03/2023 04:48

Ok... Opinions ladies. My ex and me do not get along. He is emotional and verbally abusive and was throughout are relationship with me and our kids. Our oldest is now a teen and will not even speak to him. Our two younger ones still have a relationship with him. Just abit of background.

So, his new gf has major boundary issues and I have had to tell her a couple times to just kind of know her place and I did ask that she stop trying to assert herself into my life as I barely have a relationship with my ex. Example.. one day she walked right into my house without knocking, when I'm on the phone with my kids when they are at their dads she will talk over me on the phone and tell them what to say, she has told my kids to call her kids brothers/sisters. Just not normal and way to soon.

Anyway to the point... The soccer club called me to let me know she had contacted them about my kids asking that they be switched soccer teams. My kids!? I know the issue of which team they are on isn't a big deal. But the fact she thinks she can contact any organization about my kids and start dictating things got me soo mad.

What are your thoughts? I feel it's crossing another boundary and not being respectful at all to me. Like I've asked her multiple times to watch her boundaries. I've explained to her my ex and I don't get along and due to his continued emotional/verbal abuse I have to limit contact to protect myself and that means subsequently limiting contact with her. I had nothing against her until she continued to disrespect my boundaries. But her calling their soccer club just had my anxiety through the roof. I don't think it's her place at all.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 31/03/2023 05:47

I think it depends whether he asked her to call or whether she's done it of her own accord, to be honest.

Does she have children? Rather than going in angry, could you try to explain to her how it makes you feel on a respectful level?

PennyLane12345 · 31/03/2023 05:57

Tbh she has crossed my boundaries on to many occasions for me to have a chat with her about my feelings. I am not going there with her or him. As I said emotional/verbal abuse. I am not giving them any more of my self. She is manipulative and I am not trying to form a bond with her. I am not one to go in angry either. I don't lose my cool, I have been assertive with her that is all. She has her own kids yes. My plan is to let both of them know it wasn't appropriate and she isn't to be calling anyone regarding our kids. When the soccer club called me it was because they also thought it was weird that she was dictating things for my kids, that's why they were checking in.

OP posts:
PaigeMatthews · 31/03/2023 06:02

Why is she even coming to your home, let alone walking in?

Firm boundaries needed with this one. I wouldnt even open a discussion. It should be far more like, you had absolutely no right to call anyone to change arrangements regarding my children. Do not do that again.

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PennyLane12345 · 02/04/2023 05:27

That is exactly what I did. And of course, it turned into I'm out of line, I have issues etc etc.. the usual gaslighting. Every time I speak up it's like talking to a wall. He went off on me and the soccer club saying information is to go through him and he will let me know what I need. Super frustrating! I've decided no contact is the best for my mental health until our parenting agreement is signed. Ita extreme but I can't deal with them anymore it's way to stressful. Once the parenting plan is all signed these things should happen alot less as he'll have guidelines to follow. 🤷. I have tried everything! There is just zero respect or boundaries from either.

OP posts:
PinkSyCo · 02/04/2023 05:36

You are not being unreasonable at all! How long has she been with your ex and when was she introduced to your children?

PennyLane12345 · 02/04/2023 05:47

Oh wow! That was an issue in itself. He has them half the time. They started dating in September and the first day they met her he had her babysit them the whole weekend well he went out. The transition was too fast for my kids and they did not adapt well. It played a big role in my oldest refusing visitation actually. They have mentioned moving in together and my middle child told me in private that he won't be going there anymore either if they do. It's a big mess! He won't acknowledge it and blames me for the way the kids are adapting. He says I am putting things in there heads. I would never do that to my kids though and I feel nothing towards him or their relationship.

OP posts:
custardbear · 02/04/2023 05:57

I agree with the others, firm boundaries. If they gaslight you, just laugh and say not your kids, not your place. I'd then maybe ring up her kids groups and change something ... that may shake her head a bit 😋

Namechange224422 · 02/04/2023 06:16

I probably wouldn’t even bother dealing with it with them. Id just call school, clubs etc and reiterate that dads girlfriend doesn’t have parental rights.

Firm boundaries are the way forward as you say…..

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