Coping with a newborn - when does it get better?!

[H44123]

Me again… regular poster who scoured MN for advice and hope on a daily.

Baby is 7 weeks today. First 4 weeks were awful, went to a&e twice, baby has silent reflux, constipation and did not stop crying. Think this is mostly under control apart from constipation is a continuous battle. I remember hating life in those weeks, the past week it has slowly started getting better but I just get through each day.

Baby cries a lot and I am anxious to go out in case he does in front of people so spend the day at home alone until partner gets home often after 7pm. I think baby has colic so is on Infacol and colief so evenings are challenging

Also doing every single night shift too even on weekends so haven’t slept longer than 3 hours in one go for 7 weeks. Baby struggles to poo and often screams and cries, even though on lactulose. Now the baby fights every nap during the day for at least 30 mins screaming fighting. Nighttime he sleep OK in chunks of 3 hours but gets to 4/5/am every single day he is thrashing about, squirming grunting I think trying to poop or fart but he never poops then as he only goes 1/2 days and wakes us both up and won’t go back to sleep

when does it get better and you actually enjoy life? Everything is stressful and a performance going anywhere. I feel like I have been counting down to 12 weeks hoping things improve. I feel panicked with driving anywhere planning my routes avoiding roads where I can’t pull over if he screams, is this normal?!

I’d push the GP for hydrolysed formula - rock hard poo is a sign of CMPA as if crying excessively and being unsettled reflux etc. don’t take no for an answer!

Hi,

I have a 10 week old and have posted a similar thread.

I totally understand how you’re feeling. Although we don’t have continually inconsolable crying, my little one won’t sleep for more than 10/20 minutes in his crib (we have occasionally had the odd 2 hour stretch but he is so noisy I can’t sleep). He is such a fuss and fidget. He is on hydrolysed milk and omeprezole which doesn’t seem to be helping much at the moment but we will persevere. He has silent reflux and awful trapped wind I believe.

He won’t sleep in bed next to me either, only on me and even then he is fidgeting every few minutes.

Its honestly torture. I’m definitely in the thick of it but what helps is just getting rid of all expectations. If I don’t expect any sleep I can’t be disappointed. I also go to bed at 8 and my partner brings him up at 12. We have no routine because of this but all I can do is prioritise my own sleep at the moment. My partner also doesn’t help overnight because he wouldn’t be able to cope with it. Frustrating but that’s a post for another day I guess.

if you can join a support group, I’ve started attending one for parents who are struggling with their mental health and it’s so helpful when thinking “what the hell have I done I’ve ruined my life”. Getting out the house each day is must. I’ve also found after a few particular bad nights just resting in the living room. Watching loads of tv and having baby sleep as much as he can on me to catch up as he is so sleep deprived too.

im hoping for the magic 12 weeks as well but I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact I probably have a “high needs” fussier baby. I am angry and feel like I’m grieving because of this but my baby is who he is and I need to lean into that rather than resist it.

feel free to message if you need a chat

xx

If your baby has reflux, you'll notice a massive improvement with them sitting up, and again when eating solids.

Firstly if he is starting at 2/3/4 surely finishing at 7pm isn't right? My husband was a lorry driver and if he stared at 2am he would be home by mid day and starting at 5am home early afternoon? He would he over his driving hours surely ?
Secondly just swap sides so he can do a night with the baby, it's what my husband has done since day one to give me a night sleep
Also you should not have to wake him to ask him to take baby, this should be pre arranged the night before
I do night wakings mon-Thursday as hubby works in the week and I get Friday night full sleep and a lay in so I often go to bed at 10pm and often wake around 8pm, he takes baby down which is usually around 6am then Saturday night I give my husband a full night sleep and lay in as in the week he's up early
He also takes baby down at 5-6am if she's up so I get to sleep until 7 am when he needs to leave for work. So between us we get sleep just have to work together!

So it sounds like it's your hubby needs to step up
Hubby was a hgv driver for years so I understand he needs to be rested but when he does have a day off and because of his work sometimes it's forced due to driving hours then he needs to give you time to sleep!

Other than that I've had a very unsettled baby since 2 weeks old, she's now 8.5 months but unfortunately she didn't get easier until 6 months

We had to beg for amino acid milk
We were given aptamil pepti 1 but it made no difference
She also has reflux as well as suspected cmpa even though DR is convinced she doesn't have it but after 5 weeks of being on the new milk ( at bloody 5.5 months old as that's how long it took for them to give us the milk) she is so much more settled

Sleeps 11 hours a night 6pm-5am or sometimes 6-6 with one night feed around 2-3am
Sometimes I'm in there 4-5 times for dummy sometimes none
But I think development, weaning and being able to play and sit up more has also helped

I also went on ad as I feel I wasn't coping with the crying, stresses of DRs not listening and having no sleep

My husband would often take the baby and have had full night sleeps - sometimes on his only 2 days off and that was my saving grace
Without it I would have broken so you just need more rest and help imo xx

As some PPs have said, my first thought on reading your post was allergies. GPs are often so dismissive, but get a non-dairy formula prescribed and see if makes a difference.

In amidst all the other good advice may i suggest earplugs. Not so that you can ignore the crying, but so that it isn't drilling into your brain to quite rhe same extent while you do whatever you need to calm him.

It gets better when they’re about 2 but in between times there should be some ups as well as downs.

I used to panic when dc1 would cry in the car. By the time dc2 came along I just had to let him cry sometimes otherwise we would never have got anywhere like school etc! It didn’t do him any harm and often he’d just give up and go to sleep!

Colic and reflux is hard I remember all the grunting that would keep me awake! It gets better around six months when you move them into their own room. Then you don’t get woken up by all the thrashing around!

Try to get out to a baby class and for walks and coffee shop. It doesn’t matter if baby cries it’s totally normal and your baby will probably love the stimulation.

My DD is 7 weeks too, with reflux, but perhaps not as emotionally draining as yours sounds.

In terms of getting out of the house, I struggle to get her to nap at home so have got better at leaving quickly. My tips are

• put socks on when you get dressed in the morning. You can’t do it one handed/holding a baby.
• set yourself a little milestone/marker - mine is the local postbox. Walk to that point and then decide if you will turn back or carry on - this way you don’t feel like you’ve wimped out. You have made an informed decision
• if you are staying local, you don’t need a change bag. Don’t take anything more than the essentials
• keep DC’s walk things (pramsuit, hat, whatever) in the same place so that you don’t need to think twice before leaving.

I swear my DD’s sleepy cues are putting her hat on her and zipping my coat over the sling!

Finally, people love seeing babies. If they cry, you get a sympathetic smile. If they aren’t crying, you get an indulgent smile. Sometimes people say something kind to you, too.

When you get home, have something nice to do. Getting out of the house is a big achievement - reward yourself!

I was you two and a half years ago! Hell on earth to put it lightly. I'd say things got noticeably better at week 16, and from then on gradually better. My daughter had a dairy allergy so once that was under control things got better and she's outgrown it now. Like previously posters have said, maybe check out allergies with your GP if you haven't already. Going out for walks helped me as I didn't have to face anyone and I knew baby would eventually sleep in the pram, plus the fresh air always helped. Maybe tie your walks in with something that makes you feel good - a podcast/nice snacks/hot drinks etc. hang in there, it will get better I promise ❤️

Hi :) I have an 8 week old who fights day time naps too. I would say try and get out the house as it's not as bad as you think, they're usually quite content being out.

With my first I think generally around 4 months he slept better during the night and I could also get him into a nap routine too. When they're small it's difficult but you have to go with the flow.

Things I would suggest are:
Dummies
Love to dream sleeping bags
Pushchair walks in day time
White noise for sleep time
Bedtime routine (bath, sleeping bag, bottle, white noise)
Rockit pushchair rocker

It does get easier even if it may not seem like it right now x

This is probably unhelpful but I love the newborn stage. Toddlers, however...

It does take babies a while to settle into their bodies - they have been in a protected environment for so long where their digestive system has very little to do. Getting adapted to the need to consume nourishment can be a hard transition, and we parents have to bear the brunt of this as well, as we help them to adapt. It does settle in time - it really does. One day you will look back on this bit of parenthood with a wry smile. Hang on in there.

To answer your question, it will slowly get better week by week. Then you'll look back without realising and remember how tough the early days were. In fact you'll thank yourself for getting through them.
Obviously theres struggles with every age but newborn in my opinion was the hardest too.
I've never loved being a mum so much now she is a little older, but the first 6 months for me was draining in every single aspect
These days never last xx

Thank you ladies for all your replies. It certainly helps knowing I’m not alone feeling like this and also it will get better and I will enjoy it.

As per your advice im going to try forget about the 12 weeks so I won’t be disappointed! It certainly seems everyone also recommends getting out of the house everyday which is something im going to work on too! I have a class booked to start in 2 weeks time once a week, initially dreading it and questioning why I had booked it but I will definitely go to meet other mums too (all my friends who have had babies seem like theirs were perfect at this stage so be nice to meet other mums!)

Also so many of you mentioning allergies! I did initially suspect this but from the GP just thought I had a challenging baby. Although I’m terrified to go down that rabbit hole trying new milks etc I think I might speak to GP to try look into this as I know it will be a battle with them and take a while.

thank you all for your advice and kind words. It has certainly made me feel not alone and not crazy! ❤️❤️

Have a look and see if there are any NCT baby groups around you. I found them to be pretty supportive ☺️ and helpful for getting out of the house.

I've had too babies with allergies and my first had terrible silent reflux because of their CMPA. I'd push the doctor to try some new formula. There's Aptimel pepti which is hydrolysed or something like SMA Alfamino.

Good luck x

How are you OP?

@violetcuriosity feeling/coping better thank you. Baby seems to be getting used to the car a bit so doesn’t cry as much, still cries but not as much so I’m hoping he is learning to like it. I have also been venturing out a bit more, especially by myself so im feeling proud of myself. I think it helps he is getting older so he is starting to come out the other side of colicky screaming. I saw that but he has just cried for 2 hours and fought sleep despite being shattered but from where we came from that’s an improvement so im feeling hopeful things are working towards being better. Thank you for asking and checking in ❤️xx

Crying always sounds worse inside. So go out and at least have a walk. Being in the pushchair might help baby to sleep. It is so so hard. But by making little steps by going out will boost your confidence. I don't know anyone that complains about a crying newborn. I think most just remember those days or want to help in some way! Good luck

Have you tried changing formula? We did and it made a massive difference to constipation!

Babies cry so try to get outside, even if it is just a walk round the block. Ds2 was under a paediatrician for reflux. What helped was a sling and a dummy. Sling meant I had two hands free and could just put a coat on, wrap a blanket around the outside of the sling tucking it in under their feet and under my armpits, pop a hat on their head and went outside.

Don't feel bad about getting your Dh involved. You need sleep too and your body is recovering from growing a human. It will get easier, it may not be in a few weeks time but get any help you can, friends, family, anyone who will take your baby off your hands for an hour, bring you a lovely meal or do some housework. I have done this for friends.

We have a sling but he doesn’t like it. It’s the baby Bjorn mini one, I think because he is sooo nosey he wants to look around, maybe when he is older and can face outwards he might like it. I think that’s part of the problem we have now, he is so nosey which is why he is refusing naps. I have put my foot down and my parents are having baby this weekend… sounds awful but I am counting down the days so excited for a full night sleep! I’m sure I will wake up panicking though 🤣