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Parenting

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Original poster

Thoughts on kids coming home from uni

43 replies

Flipflop23 · 30/03/2023 07:48

This is just out of interest….
I have 2 friends both with kids at uni.
both the kids have girls friends who they bring home with them for the holiday.
my one friend dreads them coming to stay, has got used to a quite house most of the year, I think they basically use the house as a hotel. The other one doesn’t mind so much but could happily live with out them stopping has more of an issue that it’s child AND girlfriend and doesn’t feel like her house is her home.
I have a son who will be going off to uni in a year I just wandered if this was a common thing to happen?

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Houseyvibe · 30/03/2023 10:25

more than happy to have boyfriends / girlfriends to stay for a few days here and there. For the whole holidays, forget it. When they can pay their own rent and bills they can live together, before that, no

ChristmasSirens · 30/03/2023 12:02

Lastnamedidntstick · 30/03/2023 09:57

bring partner home, no problem. More than welcome.

that partner moving in for 3 months? Taking the piss.

like I said, if they want to move in as an adult couple for a longer term basis then ground rules. They need to do 50% of housework and cooking, and pay a proportion of the bills.

I am not going to spend 3 months in the summer working full time, funding, cooking and clearing up after someone else’s child.

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That’s really on you, though. If you’ve brought your kids up to not expect to do anything around the house, then why would they suddenly expect their partner to. If they expect to cook, clean, wash, then surely a quick conversation along the lines of “Jemima is welcome to stay but she needs to muck in like you do.” would cover it?

ChristmasSirens · 30/03/2023 12:03

I agree though @Lastnamedidntstick, if DC and partner expect to be waited on, then yes that would be awful.

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Lastnamedidntstick · 30/03/2023 12:31

ChristmasSirens · 30/03/2023 12:02

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it’s not a matter of not expecting them to do anything. However.

I wouldn’t expect my student dc to pay board.

I would include them in family meals etc, as is normal.

washing if I’m throwing a load on it’s not a problem to add a few extra bits

if there’s a gf/bf as well that doubles the extra food, shopping, bills. Even if they do their own washing that doubles the use of the machine, and if they was daily it’s a pita having to manage their loads and mine. Same with the dishwasher etc. Even if they do their own cooking cleaning etc, it means we’re having to compromise on who cooks when, who needs the dishwasher/washing machine/shower next, those sorts of practicalities.

my own child I am responsible for and will sub their student years, one extra person fitting in family life is not an issue. But another couple in my house? Either they fit in as family, which is more work for me, or they are semi-independent, which means I have restrictions on when I can use facilities in my own house.

a guest for a few days/week? Fine. But 3 months of effectively living in a student house share? No thanks.

Manichean · 30/03/2023 12:39

DC always welcome home, with or without partners and will continue to have a place at my hearth as long as I live.

MunchkinExpress · 30/03/2023 12:44

Love having them back home from uni, getting to know the broader personalities of the now more independent young adults they're becoming.

MultipleVeganPies · 30/03/2023 13:05

I am ridiculously excited whenever they come back.

They do muck in though (but could always do more I guess )

bengalcat · 30/03/2023 13:14

Love having DD back - she has had friends to stay but only for a short while

SparkyBlue · 30/03/2023 13:18

DC always welcome as it's the family home. I wouldn't ever like them to think otherwise. Girlfriends or boyfriends fine to visit not to stay long term

Enko · 30/03/2023 13:20

I love mine coming home. I love watching them fill up at the fridge I love their friends popping in. I love their girl and boyfriends coming around. I love them helping us out.

I equally love it when they leave again and the house is quiet.

However our children are not treating the home like a hotel and are good company and people I enjoy spending time with. Doesn't sound like your friend feels that way about hers?

EssexCat · 30/03/2023 13:23

I can’t bloody wait. But then I’ve still got smaller ones at home who desperately miss their sibling and a non- quiet house!

Not sure I’d be so keen on a partner coking for the whole holiday though (a few nights here and there would be lovely).

Funkyslippers · 30/03/2023 13:33

My DD hasn't brought her boyfriend to stay yet but I love having her back. However it's been great using her bedroom as a dressing room. I go to the gym early before work so I can lay everything out the night before, get dressed and grab my stuff and be out the door without disturbing OH. DD asked to see a pic of her room in its current state. I declined. I just said it's got a lot of my clothes in it atm but I'm going to sort it out before she comes back for Easter! I figure I can do what I like with her room when she's not there

Really looking forward to her coming back for Easter but it will take a bit of adjusting on both our parts

ShakeYourFeathers · 30/03/2023 13:38

YukoandHiro · 30/03/2023 08:33

Holidays during year one of uni are extremely fraught. Parents think they're getting they're old child back, child has done a huge amount of maturing very fast and expects to be treated like the adult they now are (but lacks the financial resources to be a true adult). It's horrible.
It settles down in year 2/3 as they tend to only come back for long weekend visits or just for the summer between exchange or properties.
It's usually easier if they're single too, yes.

I agree! I remember coming home from uni during holidays and feeling like a guest on my own home. It was a really weird experience

MyriadOfTravels · 30/03/2023 13:56

Dc1 at Uni.
im looking forward to him coming back home during the hols. Simply because I enjoy his company.
No gf anymore but he was welcomed to have her there.

I do ask he is helping around the house, as I did when he was still at home.

But I dint find that a struggle. Maybe because dc2 is still at home?

cptartapp · 30/03/2023 13:57

DS1 is back tomorrow for a month and I can't wait. No GF in tow though that I know of. He'll be working most of the time anyway to top up his funds.

Winter2020 · 30/03/2023 14:17

I agree with the sentiment that you can make your child and their partner as unwelcome as you like but don't grumble when they settle near the inlaws and are much closer to them/ don't visit often.

We have been blessed with parents that welcomed us even when we lived with them with a toddler we were welcome. If you need a financial contribution that is fine but I find the attitude "why should I..." strange. Because they are your kids and you care about them?

2bazookas · 30/03/2023 14:24

Mine only put in very brief appearances (sometimes with friends) as they spent most of their university vacations working , either to earn money, to travel , or essential part of vet training.
Exactly the same as my own experience of student vacations. I worked, earned, and spent it travelling.

maddy68 · 30/03/2023 17:42

I loved having them and their friends back

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