Teenage daughter - allegation of sexual assault

[millymog11]

14 year old daughter. I am a single mum. (to daughter 14 and her brother my son aged 12, its just the three of us here at home).

Just had a phone call from a detective who wants to interview her under caution for allegation of sexual assault at school. Detective gave me next to no details and what has pissed me off is that he was at pains to say she was not going to be charged but it must be an interview under caution (recorded) with legal representation (and me there) and he wouldnt say whether the referral has come from the school or from another pupil.

I had a similar voice message from a social worker last week giving no details but saying the police were involved with my daughter and I grilled her after that and she said she "touched one of her friends in the park last summer". The friend in question goes to the same school and her parents are in the village (I dont really speak to them).

The policeman wouldnt say whether it was the school or the pupil/parent of the pupil who brought the complaint.
Any guidance much appreciated.

How do I not absolutely blow up at my daughter when she gets home from school today?

Her dad who she goes to see over Easter for a few days will go absolutely ballistic when/if he finds out......

Right now you don’t know the details, so I would tread cautiously. Obviously you have had a huge shock. It’s tempting to loose your cool, but it won’t actually achieve anything. Right now you need to find a solicitor and support your daughter through what will be a difficult experience. She may be guilty or she may not be. If she’s guilty then what she needs in someone she can talk to to help discover why she behaved like this, then the correct support to help her. At 14 she is still a child navigating this. Obviously we don’t know any details of the offence, and I’m presuming your Dd hasn’t been in trouble before. I have professional experience in this area and would say the children who manage to work on their sexually harmful behaviour have better outcomes with family support.
how have things gone since she got home from school Op? When are police planning to interview? I hope you are both ok

thanks Jenny
no she has never been in trouble before.

i appreciate you taking the time to post a reply

Does your daughter have to do this interview? Get some legal advice fast . These so called voluntary interviews can turn serious fast . Remember it's Voluntary. They haven't got the evidence to arrest your daughter . They don't want to be accused of unlawful arrest . Legal advice asap and don't do anything until you get some .

Be careful about blowing up at her - she could be being set up, bullied, lied about etc.

Lets just say for instance it was touching one of her female friends, a mural consent thing, and then a third party found out, one girl could easily cry sexual assault so she didn’t look gay.

My son was once accused of rape, it was horrific, she also made out she was passed out drunk, again a total lie - luckily there were loads of witnesses and people shut it down straight away but her aim had been to cause trouble for him and get him beaten up after he rejected her - so I’d say don’t jump to any conclusions and always always let your child know they can tell you anything and you have their back.

They haven't got the evidence to arrest your daughter

That is not necessarily true. If they don't need to get physical evidence such as DNA from her or need to search a property and all they need to do is interview the daughter then they don't need to arrest her if she voluntarily comes in. If she refuses then can arrest her in order to gather evidence by interview.

This isn't true, in order to arrest they need to suspect a crime has occurred, suspect your daughter has committed it, and they need the necessity to do so. At this stage there is no necessity, however should she refuse to complete the interview she is likely to be arrested in order to facilitate this as the arrest then becomes necessary.

By all means get legal advice early, but they are likely to tell you to complete the interview. She will be entitled to free legal advice for the interview and police can arrange this, it is independent of them.

I’ve got a family member who was asked to attend a voluntary interview at the local police station for something very different.

1. Take it seriously, get yourself a solicitor;
2. do not use the duty solicitor. However good these solicitors are they are not experts and tend to deal with drunks etc not children;
3. Talk to your daughter about just answering the questions she is asked. However kind the police are they are doing their job and are looking for a reason to arrest your daughter.
4. It isn’t just a friendly chat I’m afraid. As someone else has said it can turn very quickly. It is a fact finding exercise by the police. The police are not your friends.
5. you will not know what the police know which is why you need a solicitor.

good luck. Hopefully it is nothing and is just a chat. But better to be prepared.

thanks all for your input I really appreciate you taking the time to post.

My ex husband has now appointed a private solicitor specialising in this type of thing to do the police interview tomorrow. I have screen shot emailed all incriminating evidence to this solicitor and am waiting for news. Ex h has been copied into graphic screen shots about humping, musings about whether his daughter might be bi and it not being real sex if "nothing goes in". I am livid with her but I also cannot believe that there are full time police officers dedicated to this stuff, especially as the girl who is accusing her also sent literally hundreds of texts to my daughter about porn she has watched etc.
I guess I will have to start confiscating and going through her phone every.single.night. after school now. Annoying as a lot of the questionable messages are mixed in with "what score did you get on this test" and "have you done your homework" stuff.....

How is your DD feeling about tomorrow? Hope things go smoothly tomorrow and that's the end of it.

Just come back from the police station. The allegations are weird and wild. Now she has had the police interview (which was based on a private interview with the accuser summarised by the interviewing police officer, the accusations relate to a period in December 2021 and are all allegations about touching through clothes in separate classes during school hours and on school premises. 3 phone messages were tabled all of which give evidence that this girl wanted a relationship of sorts with my daughter (they must have been 13 at the time my daughter might have been 12 even). My daughter doesn't have any contact with her and denies all of it. Pretty traumatic day to be honest, especially as the school have said to me this afternoon they have no historic or current concerns about my daughter.

Well that sounds weird, was the outcome NFA?

It's great that school have no concerns about your Dd. I wonder how this came to police attention in the first place. I hope your DD is OK and able to put this behind her.

Sounds like the interview went as well as it could have. Im glad your daughter had professional legal assistance - this is really important. Sounds like the other girl has serious issues sending messages re porn. Do you know who approached the police?