Grossest parenting moment - lighthearted!

[MrsSamR]

Morning ladies!

After a hideous night's sleep with my youngest (5 months) and tidying up after my eldest (2 years 10 months) unravelling an entire toilet roll I'm trying to see the lighthearted side of parenting this morning!

I'm often reminded of a day during the pandemic where I had to use my mask to wipe my eldest daughter's nose as I didn't have a tissue before remembering I'd need to wear it again to get back out of the National Trust property we were visiting! As I didn't want the snot to show to unsuspecting fellow guests I had to put my mask on inside out with the snot side touching my actual mouth as I tried to nonchalantly wander out. One of those parenting moments where you just think WTF is my life now?!

Please feel free to share yours below to give me a laugh!

Just thought of another one: Walking around the supermarket with my youngest in the sling, only a couple of months old, when she proceeded to throw up all over me. Wasn't really sure what to do so just finished up my shopping and dashed home! Glamorous this parenting lark isn't it?!

I've also suffered the being thrown up in the supermarket, DD somehow managed to get zero sick on herself but it was all over me. I was around Christmas and I was already in the queue for checkout but about 7th back so I wasn't leaving haha

I think dd pooing in the bath was the worst one for me, she was only tiny but unfortunately it wasn't. Horrible!

The above post has also just reminded me of the time my DD was in her highchair and clearly having a poo, nothing wrong with that and as she'd not had a poo for a couple of days I was there saying yay well done and leaving her to finish her poo. That's when my DM informed me that she'd taken her nappy off (she gets bad thrush so something we do quite a bit). Let's just say the 3 days worth of poo in her highchair was horrendous and she was just looking at it laughing!

Catching puke in my hands after Dd just said mummy my tummy is a bit sore. She was 5 and just after dinner so that was gross.

Poo in the bed with same tummy bug. It was like peanut butter and as we were sharing a bed and I was asleep I didn’t realise until the stench woke me up and it was all over me. 2am bath for us both then!

She once sneezed a great big glob of phlegm into my mouth on a train once so I had to sort that out whilst pretending to not make a huge scene so the other train people didn’t think I was losing my mind.

kids are lovely 😂

Grizzly toddler on long journey. Stopped at service station. Loooong walk over the motorway to McDonald’s to get tea for eldest. Toddler in my arms vomited huge amounts all over me… it was on my face, hair, arms, all down my chest, all over her, poor thing. Not a single person came to help (I don’t actually blame them!!). We had to just walk all the way back to the car, where I stripped us both down to underwear and used the towels we’d packed for holiday to clean up as best as I could! Put it all in bags and drove the last half hour to the holiday house for showers. That was a grim day.

Picking up my daughter's poo in the park using my face mask 🤦‍♀️

Lol 😂 this made me laugh so much 🤣🤣 🤣

Shared a bath with my newborn who pooped in the bath. It was still that weird fluorescent yellow colour and it was everywhere, the bath was glowing.

i was still healing after traumatic birth and many stitches… so i just had to sit there and wait for my husband who had taken a phone call and didn’t hear me at first..

Throwing up down my top. My bra was full, my top was tight ish and a pull over the head type. I got in the shower fully clothed and undressed under the water. Vile. Child said he felt much better now thank you and could he have something to eat.

I had a serial bath pooer too. His elder bro who liked to share a bath with him (good excuse for playing with bath toys when you are just a bit old for them) before this soon decided big boys had showers.

Ds1 hated being sick and would throw his head around spraying copiously. He had a captains bunk at the time, I spent a long time cleaning that day!

Both lads are grown up now…

Oh so many..

Getting the travel potty out in a pound shop for DD who was a week into potty training, and needed a wee "right now Mummy!" only it wasn't a wee, it was the biggest turd I had ever seen. The smell...

Newborn DD having a poonami in a queue to pay in a shop, in my arms as I had just been feeding her. It was everywhere including in my hand that was under her bottom. I couldn't even put her in her pram as she was covered. I just calmly paid, and went to the nearest baby change to run her arse under a tap.

Starting to change the WORST NAPPY EVER in a soft play toilet, and realising too late that the packet of wipes was empty. I'd left the nappt bag with my husband so didn't even have a muslin to hand. Wet toilet paper didn't cut it.

Why are travel potty poos always the biggest poos?! I'm amazed sometimes at what comes out of my sweet little girl!

I was in the back seat of the car on journey with my daughter aged 2. She kept pretending to pass me something with her chubby little fingers, so I pretended to eat.

"Yummy, yum, thank you"

She stopped and looked at me horrified.

"Mummy. Don't eat my bogoos!"

1. I got baby out of carseat to change a very messy poo. Kind of realised that my hand was wet but didn't think anything of it. I then gave my itchy eye a scratch, and got poo in my eye. 🤢

2. We were in a public toioet. I tried to flip a turd into the loo (yay toilet training) and it all went wrong. I ended up trying to catch it with my hands, and kind of ended up juggling it. I failed, and it landed on my 2yos back and slid down to the floor. There was poo all over my hands, the toddler and the floor. Somehow my newborn stayed asleep in the sling ob my front throughout.

3. I ended up going in to hospital unexpectedly with 3yo. Shortly before we left she vomitted ALL over me. I quickly cleaned the worst off with a wet wipe and dashed her in. 3 days and a lot of iv antibiotics later we left. Then I remembered about the vomit - I was so focused on poorly toddler that I hadn't even thought about a shower.

Just the numerous times I've been vomited on in the middle of the night on mu shoulder so it's in my hair, down my back and front. DC so distraught I couldn't leave them so just got on with it but it did gross me out.

The other memorable one was wondering why no mums were very chatty at the soft play for very long...there was this god awful smell and I was thinking to myself oh dear some poor kids got a bug and the parent is going to have a lovely surprise...it was my child...I'd just changed their nappy after a baby class, absolutely fine,went into soft play afterwards and smelt this horrible smell but as I'd just changed them really didn't think it'd be my child....everyone was friendly at first as you are in the baby bit but then once they had a good sniff walked off...I just thought they were rude... I was mortified 🤣

When I helped my toddler birth a poo... I actually felt proud of myself when it finally emerged.

DS1 then aged 3, in a soft play: “Mummy I’ve done a poo in my pants”. Only it wasn’t just in his pants but had run everywhere - it was like he was wearing poo leggings. Took him to the toilets to wash him off with wet wipes, and had to call a friend to send in more wipes as it was such a mess. Children are revolting!

The other one which springs to mind is when I was giving DS1, then about 12 months old, a night feed. He stopped to throw up and it went everywhere - in my mouth 🤢🤢, down my top, in my bra. I night weaned very soon after that…

Pulling a 90% intact sweet potato wedge straight out of DS's bum at nappy change time like I was doing some sort of magicians trick........🙈

Visiting a drive through safari park and my then 2 year old announced they needed a poo. No potty, was really busy so couldn’t get to any toilets quickly.
I had a dog poo bag in my pocket. Dc pood in it and we had to keep it in the car for another hour getting round. Dear god the smell was horrific.

Attempting to clean a small Disney Princess umbrella after my then toddler had vomited into it. I thought he was just looking into it intently but apparently not. At least nothing leaked out of it, but I had to make sure all the spokes were properly clean.

That might have been worse than catching my daughter's vomit in my hands last year. Or peeling a turd filled pair of pants from my son after he merrily filled them when we were having a meal out.

Joy!