How do you give your DC downtime?

[freespirit333]

DS is 7, very likely neurodivergent (I think certainly ADHD, maybe ASD - not so sure about that one).

He’s had a very good term in school since Christmas, thanks to a more flexible teacher, regular communication. I’m really proud of him for trying his best to behave.

These last couple of weeks his behaviour has gone to shit at home. He’s not a tantrummer but lots of back chat, rudeness and general not listening. I know he’s tired, more tired than your average NT child from trying his best to behave in school, and also it’s the end of term anyway, most children, ND or not, are tired. His weeks are action packed as we’ve found it’s the best way to keep him regulated - football, beavers, swimming and cycling. We try and be active as a family where possible, but I’m conscious he needs his down time in the holidays.

But I find he is worse left to his own devices. Sometimes he will entertain himself at home, Lego/toys etc. But a lot of the time he entertains himself by winding up his younger sibling or us - boredom is his kryptonite.

Similarly he can’t just be on a screen all the time. He has a Switch which he’s allowed moderate use of on the weekend, or picks a film.

As a result we find we’re still having busy days on the weekend or the holidays due to desperately trying to fill them.

Any tips?

When my boys are tired, I have a rule that they are not allowed in each other's rooms. If they want to play together, they have to go in the common areas. Otherwise, they'd be hassling each other all day long.

Similar @NinaFinch ! My DS is in a friendship group of 3 boys and they can all be so silly and loud together. I’ve seen my DS being the sensible one of the three at times but also not! He doesn’t branch out much beyond these friends, he has one other close classmate but when he is at clubs without his mates, after school club etc, he’ll play with others but is lead by the activity, if that makes sense. So he wants to play on the scooters - that’s what he’ll do.

My DS gets VERY silly. I know some of the girls especially in class think he’s “naughty” which does make me sad. He hasn’t had a smooth ride in school but equally he’s not aggressive, he never hits or pushes. But he struggles to stay in his seat and doesn't always listen. And gets carried away with silliness.

Unfortunately my DS’ share a bedroom so I can’t have them in their separate bedrooms. Could point though I might have one in the bedroom one in the play room etc.

Really interesting reading all of these comments, and I can completely relate. @freespirit333 I could have written all of your posts, and what you said about seeking out the dopamine hits is very true for my DS.

My DS has just turned 9, almost certainly has ADHD (I do) and I think 6 yr old DD probably does too. The holidays are a bit of a nightmare for the exact reasons you describe. They are so in need of downtime as they are both exhausted from masking and trying to behave at school (especially DS1 who is very conscious of not standing out and so keeps his symptoms very well hidden in the classroom). But I can't for the life of me work out how to help them relax into activities at home. Like lots of posters, my DS is desperate to go on his switch, no doubt for the constant stream of easy entertainment and dopamine it gives. I think he genuinely finds it relaxing as it distracts him from the churning thoughts, and takes away his fear of boredom. But it's obviously not real relaxation, and he's worse after having been on it.

I feel like holidays are spent with us all getting more and more frustrated with each other, and DS in a bad mood and not enjoying himself (unless he's on a screen) as he's just so insatiable and unable to entertain himself.

Are your Easter holidays starting today? If so, solidarity to you all!

Sorry to hear that @Minkyscamp! I find the downtime aspect so tricky because like most kids I'm sure, both my DS are very well behaved when they are doing things they want! So on days out at fun play parks and so on, they're in their element, we always have lovely days. Today is our last day of term, we're heading to our holiday home tomorrow for a few days (weather looks mixed sadly) so it'll be days out, beaches etc for several days in a row...but we HAVE to plan things, if that makes sense? On our days off over the holidays we plan fun things so that we actually all have lovely family days, and on our work days they're either looked after by grandparents or holiday clubs. But then they go back to school more tired than before...but equally they won't (well DS1) chill out much.

This thread has made me realise that he can be good at entertaining himself at home in the right setting so I think I'll consciously try and make sure he has space to do it. He has a giant bag of lego and is very creative with free building but if I get it out in the playroom (open plan) he never bothers with it, I think as he gets older especially he likes his own space so I'll try setting things like that up in his room so he just chances upon it.

Solidarity to you all!

@Minkyscamp if you left DS on his Switch would he stay on it for hours on end? My DS has only had his since Christmas, and one time he had been on it for about 2 hours and when it was time for dinner to be fair to him he said I'll turn it off now as I've had enough. Would love it if he could self regulate but I don't think it's a strength for kids like ours!

@Minkyscamp if I left my DS on his Switch he would be on it for hours... I do give him time limits but then I get the whining and moaning when his time's up. I can't leave him in front of a screen for ages though as he's even worse when he gets off it!

Same for me @freespirit333, DS is exhausted by the holidays but he's not the best sleeper anyway, he doesn't enjoy reading/ drawing/ colouring much, he just wants to either be in a screen or out and about doing something. One thing he does enjoy is baking so I may try to get him doing more of that - I just dread the clearing up afterwards!