Partner works shifts NHS - gets so lonely

[SoloParent245]

Hi, just wondering if anyone else’s partner works 12 hour shifts? My partners in NHS and will sometimes have 5 days on (12 or 10 hour days) and then 3 days off. The days off he’s shattered from the shifts and often ends on a night so needs to reset his body to daytime too. He has had to work probably the last 4 weekends too.

I’m just really struggling with it and feeling like it doesn’t work for the family life I want. But it is his dream career. Some weeks work out better than others but in the past week we’ve had 2 evenings together and no days as a family. I’m a hormonal mess this weekend and have just felt so alone. I have family and friends around who try to help but can’t really get it fully and also have their own busy lives.

He’s great when he’s around and not exhausted from work but I don’t get the impression that he’s as bothered by the lack of quality time together as I am…

Dont even know that there’s any advice for us but I’d just love to hear from anyone in a similar boat.

Hey, I'm in a similar boat as you. My husband does 12 hour shifts, not healthcare but in a well paid job so it's also a great career for him! He usually works a combination of days and nights and then has 3 to 4 days off. Like your husband he can be exhausted at the start of his days off.

Our son is a year old and I definitely found it lonely during my mat leave, especially when he was gone all day or on the nights if baby was unsettled and crying a lot. I never got to sleep in during the day after a night of poor sleep but he slept after his night shifts so that did cause a bit of resentment and a few arguments between us!

I'm not sure how old your child is but I did find it actually helped when I went back to work a few weeks ago. I had been very open with him about how little time I have to myself and how I felt I was juggling it all so in fairness he's great at doing the nursery drop offs and collections, all the bedtimes when he's at home and he does a lot of chores and shopping when he's on his days off which is really helpful.

Its definitely tough going but the time off is such a bonus. You just need to be honest with your husband about how tough it is and what help you need from him when he's home, that's what I found helped anyway x

I get it. My DH works abroad for around eight or nine months of the year. Not military.
We have two children and I also have mental illnesses.

Not fun and not what I signed up for.