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Original poster

Have I punished her too much? Or not enough? Dh says I go ott.

56 replies

Rhubarb · 12/02/2008 21:22

But dd is just so sloppy! She leaves pens without their lids on our settee and on her bed, staining them. She and her cousin yesterday managed to get glitter all over her bed and covers. She makes things out of paper and does it on the settee, covering it in bits of paper, sellotape and glue.

I mean I know our furniture is hardly worth much and is a bit scruffy, but I do make an effort to make it presentable (I washed the throw on the settee a few days ago) and she just thinks it's fine to treat it like a huge playmat.

Today I asked her to tidy her room, twice. When I went up to put new sheets on the bed after stripping the glitter covered ones I found beads all over the mattress, pens out everywhere, and just a complete mess - I had to stand on things to get to her bed. So I've cancelled a trip to see her cousins for tomorrow, I've banned all use of pens except on a table and I made her clear it all up before she even got into bed. I also gave her a very stern lecture. But it does mean that she's gone to bed upset that plans for tomorrow are cancelled (we can go on Thurs if she's good tomorrow) and upset that I've had to tell her off just before bedtime.

dh seems to think it's all part of being a kid. But her sloppiness has also affected her schoolwork and she's been in trouble for not bothering to write her homework in her book and not pasting her spellings in the right place or dating anything.

So how can I get her out of this sloppiness?

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seeker · 12/02/2008 21:23

how old is she?

Original poster
Rhubarb · 12/02/2008 21:25

7 and a bit.

OP posts:
alwaysdoingfavours · 12/02/2008 21:25

like your doing - not sure about cancelling plans buet eveyrhting else is in order - you could always make her repeat her promise in the mornign and say you trust her to keep it and you believe in her so that if she wnats you can still go out

and you need to tell yoru dh to stop being a wuss and to step up to the plate as a parent

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avenanap · 12/02/2008 21:25

I use the policy of anything being left out goes in the bin. It's a shame I don't stick to it at home though . It does work.

morningpaper · 12/02/2008 21:26

Cancelling trip seems inappropriate TBH - she needs to learn that there are consequences rather than have a big punishment

If mine get messy I just get the hoover out and hoover up the stuff

solution is therefore no more beads / small btis of crap / glitter

I would have made her change her own bed or sleep on the glitter

Glitter is heavily supervised until a suitable age, which I imagine will be approximately 26

fishie · 12/02/2008 21:26

how old is she? i'm left handed and thus many hopeful craft projects went badly wrong. my mum was not too bothered by mess, but on reflection i did not have many of the things you mention so perhaps there was something going on.

littleducks · 12/02/2008 21:28

is there somewhere that you could arrange for her to do all her crafty activities, then you can get really narked off if she doesnt go there, a desk or mat in her room maybe.

HuwEdwards · 12/02/2008 21:31

My DD is the same age. She does ALL this and it drives me nuts too.

I wouldn't cancel any kind of trip over it tbh, but I do stand in the middle of the bedroom and bark out orders until the room is tidied.

I find if I just say 'tidy your room' all the stuff is found days later under the bed whereas if I take 10mins to say

'all tops on ALL pens and put them in that drawer.'

'blanket folded on bed'

'all soft toys put nicely on your bed'

it gets done to some sort of standard.

Blu · 12/02/2008 21:31

I think cancelling the trip was a bit ott - and hard on the cousin, too.

But I would lay down firm boundaries about where art and craft stuff CAN happen. Keep it all together and say 'on the kitchen table, and not one of these items leaves the kitchen' for e.g. And if it is found elsewhere it goes in the bin and will not be replaced.

Original poster
Rhubarb · 12/02/2008 21:33

No room for a desk I'm afraid.

This is an ongoing issue though, not just confined to tonight. In the past couple of weeks I've had to have a go at her for leaving stuff out and making a mess of her room loads of times. A point I brought up with her tonight.

Trouble is, I have these conversations with her and rules are drawn up, but she still makes a mess. She is quite sloppy and I really want to drum it into her that sloppiness is not acceptable, not when she's doing it at school too.

dh has the bin rule generally, but it still doesn't seem to make any difference.

OP posts:
HuwEdwards · 12/02/2008 21:33

yes, laws about where craft can be done (dining room table after a plastic table cloth has been laid over it) is a good thing.

Also I say 'next time I find glitter in your bedroom, I will throw it in the bin'

and I do it.

Original poster
Rhubarb · 12/02/2008 21:34

The trip is postponed until Thurs, I do have some stuff to do tomorrow anyway so it suits me better.
The cousins only knew we were going to visit sometime this week.

I just need to do something that will make her actually sit up and think! I know that sounds harsh for a 7.5yo, but no matter how much you talk to her, 5 mins later she's at it again.

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Original poster
Rhubarb · 12/02/2008 21:36

If I really stuck to the bin rule, she'd have no craft stuff left. Seriously. Or beads or anything like that.

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morningpaper · 12/02/2008 21:36

pens without lids - I would say "I'm going to count to 10 and any pens without lids are going straight in the bin"

any pens I find without lids go in bin while I loudly proclaim that I have found a Bin Victim

I wouldn't clear up beads, I would hoover them up

Mine clear up after each thing they've done - whether playing in bedroom or whatever. And no telly until the place is tidy.

Mind you I have installed a fear of the Bin and Hoover in my children

morningpaper · 12/02/2008 21:37

No craft stuff left - hooray - no more mess

Then you can start chucking out the Barbies or whatever else she likes

It's how I de-clutter

Kinderherzen · 12/02/2008 21:37

I think the punishment has to be related to the "offence" really.

So, make her tidy up, standing over her if need be.

Or take the whole craft box away for a day/couple of days.

DD is almost 6 and drives me mad with her craftstuff. Although, I have not gone so far as to give her glitter.

morningpaper · 12/02/2008 21:37

craft stuff over-rated

that's what school is for

WallOfSilence · 12/02/2008 21:37

I wouldn't have cancelled the trip, but it's your call, you're the mammy

I would just have gotten a black bag & started filling it

The dd knows to say "mammy, go have a cup of tea & when you come back it will be tidy!!" She's 6. The child learnt fast.

Kinderherzen · 12/02/2008 21:39
Tinker · 12/02/2008 21:41

Agree about school/childminders being where craft stuff gets done. Mostly.

Maybe she's just going to be a sloppy person though. Can you unsloppify a person?

TrinityRhino · 12/02/2008 21:42

hi rhubarb

All I can say is I sympathise
dd1 is just the same

let me know when you crack it
then you can tell me what to do

Pesha · 12/02/2008 21:42

If the trip is only postponed rather than cancelled then I dont think its too harsh.

My dd is the same age and really sloppy, bed covered in pens and books and glitter, she tries to hide it down the side of the bed or under her pillow and it drives me mad. She is like a mini teenager already!

I seem to spend so much time nagging at her and she takes very little notice, or she does but it is very quickly forgotten. I would think the thought that you might actually cancel a big thing like this could be the jolt she needs. I have been tempted to do something like this with dd but dont want her to miss out so I never do. But if she can go another day still then I think it could be a good idea.

Original poster
Rhubarb · 12/02/2008 21:44

What got me was that it was when I was taking her to bed that I discovered the latest mess, and I thought she had tidied it as I had specifically asked her to do so. She usually blames it all on her little brother, but this time the mess was all hers.

She knows pens are banned from going upstairs or on her bed, yet there they all were. I had to wade through the mess and throw everything off her bed just to put clean sheets on. ds was in bed asleep so I made her clean up before she went to bed herself, but she only took 10mins .

I just know that this'll happen again and again and again. She likes making things and she likes crafts so I don't want to take all that away from her. But I do think that tomorrow I'll take a black bin bag to her room and throw all the beads in it (I bloody hate beads!), lidless pens and so on.

The not seeing her cousin tomorrow is only temp as she'll see them on Thurs, but I also wanted to make her understand that this time I am deadly serious and she WILL be punished if she continues with the sloppiness.

I have berated her in front of her headmistress before now too, for the state of her schoolbooks. So hopefully the message will start to sink in.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rhubarb · 12/02/2008 21:44

Can you unsloppify a person? I bloody hope so!

Hi TR!

OP posts:
bookwormmum · 12/02/2008 21:46

My dd tends to do this and I think it's as she has so much stuff. I tend to batch away craft kits as she gets them for birthdays or Christmas and eke them out later. We tend to do craft activities in the garden if it's fine enough.

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