Hi MN,
I’m a FTM to a wonderful DS who will be 2 soon. He was conceived after a short whirlwind romance, I was in a bad place in my life and he lovebombed at the beginning. He already had a DS who I met and all of his family / the ex too. All were welcoming towards me.
When I found out I was pregnant, he was initially happy and wanted to be there. I moved in with him but I had a troublesome pregnancy which is where the cracks began to show. Without going into details, I very quickly discovered he had a heavy cannabis habit he hid from me, debt amongst other BS.
I moved into my own place when baby was born. He was in and out of my life, played hot and cold towards me and the baby. He’s not on the birth certificate. He Helped me financially with the bare minimum. I had PND and isolated myself from my family and friends. I didn’t return to work and still haven’t. I let him move in with me and baby on the condition he quit the cannabis which he led me to believe he would. We played happy families. He happily got stoned every night after work but he paid the bills so it was “ok”. This caused all the arguments and things got toxic. I eventually got the strength to just kick him out after he tried to shame he to his family, saying I was taking all his money and holding him hostage. I packed his bags and told him to leave.
Part of the reason I let him live with me was because I didn’t trust baby alone with him, if we had co parented he would think it was acceptable to smoke weed (out the window) while baby was sleep, I had horrible thoughts of things happening. So, if he lived with me he could see baby, help me occasionally and I could make sure the baby was safe. He successfully co parents with his ex because she doesn’t seem to have a back bone and doesn’t care if he is high on cannabis. I soon realised that the toxicity of the relationship was not healthy for baby. I am not an angel, I’ve said bad things but he IS verbally abusive regularly and uses threats.
So my question now is, how am I going to co parent with him if I don’t trust he will not smoke weed while he’s caring for our Ds? I’m so embarrassed I am even writing this. I look absolutely crazy as, like I said, his ex Co parents just fine with him