Can bullying cause vomiting?

[user1466068383]

Hey
Since September my 6 yo has been really struggling with another child at school, she’s gone from being outgoing and confident to very withdrawn and stressed about school. This other child is very controlling - my dd isn’t allowed to play with other children, isn’t allowed to eat certain foods or must finish all her food and has told me stories of having her head held down and being screamed and shouted at by this other child. When I ask why she doesn’t go and play with her old friends or tell a teacher she’s being forced to eat all her lunch, she says she’s scared this other child will tell the teacher my DD is being mean. This has actually happened before, my DD went off to play with some of her other friends and a teacher came and found her a told her off for exculding the other child. I know for a fact this other child has had complaints from other parents - and there is a third little girl in their group who has been very stressed out and upset about coming to school.
I called the school a few months ago and asked them to keep an eye on it, but I don’t think they took me particularly seriously. I noticed a brief improvement- but it’s all got out of control again and I can see my DD is scared and doesn’t want to engage with school.
during this time my DD has also been sick a lot. She’s had 14 days off school since September, and the school has raised attendance concerns, tbh we have had bout of covid and roseola in this period, but the main problem is my DD is regularly getting tummy bugs and the school has a 48 hr policy of no school if a child is sick. Initially I think they thought we were taking her on holiday - the meeting I had with the headteacher was extremely unsatisfactory, she questioned me like I was a complete liar. I had to say very clearly to her - I take education incredibly seriously and all DD’s absences are down to genuine illness. I felt completely unsupported and not taken seriously at all.
however I have also been worrying about how often DD is ill, my younger DD is never ill, never seems to catches a tummy bug and is always in great health and never misses a day of nursery. I know this sounds a bit mad but my DD’s increased illness matches up directly to this other child joining the school. Has anyone ever heard of / experienced increased illness and bullying? To be clear my DD is genuinely falling ill, she has temperatures and vomiting and when she has a day off school she literally just lies in bed and sleeps - she’s not skiving or running round enjoying herself.
I’m worried about her, and advice or similar experience would be so welcome! X

Yes, stress can cause vomiting. What does your doctor say?

I haven’t had a chance to discuss properly with the GP, I have a phone call set up next week.
we saw them the week before last though to have roseola diagnosed - and they said they’d never seen so many odd bugs going round and suggested some immune boosting things we could do for DD.
at that i hadn’t particularly put the vomiting and the issues with this child together yet - it wasn’t until the meeting with the school where they gave me the breakdown of the dates of DD’s days off that I realised quite how often she was vomiting. Better work, 2 kids and a dog - there’s always some accident/issue going on, I’d just been dealing with it week to week and not thinking of the big picture. But DD’s dad picked her up from school yesterday and was extremely concerned by what he say going on between DD and this other child. DD was very upset and then woke up in the night vomiting again.
it’s very worrying - especially as I promised school I’d make a real effort to improve attendance, and literally two days later she’s throwing up again.
I’m hoping the GP will help us a little.

Sorry a few typos in that! Hope it makes sense.

*at that time

*between work and 2 kids

Yes stress can cause vomiting and the way school are treating this is completely unacceptable.

Please have a look on the school's website for their anti-bullying policy, print it off and read it.

Does the school have 2 classes for her year? If so, I'd book and appointment to see the Head Teacher on Monday. Take the anti-bullying policy with you and ask for her to be moved to the other class with immediate affect and that this girl is kept away from your DD at lunch and break times.

I would also give your DD a lot of reassurance. My DD had a DF who tried to control her at this age.

Listen to what your DD says and then tell her things like "it sounds as if she's having a bad day. If she's being mean it's perfectly ok to go and find some friends who are being more nice and play with them instead. You won't get into trouble for not playing with someone who is mean to you".

I don't know if this book would be suitable?

Thank you!
Honestly I’ve been feeling really let down by the school, but I didn’t know if I was just being over sensitive. I’m really bald I’m not the only one concerned with how they’re handling this. Especially as it’s not just my DD that is clearly quite anxious and stressed around this child.
i know the mother of the other little girl who’s been getting very upset has has multiple meetings with the headteacher, I don’t really understand why they aren’t getting on top of this.

• I’m really glad (not bald!)

honestly! My phone is not helping out this morning.

Sounds like you just need to be more assertive yourself.

Actually thinking about it I would insist at the meeting that the other child is moved classes, why should your DD have to change when she's the victim.

Make sure you know that anti-bullying policy inside out before you speak to the HT.

If you aren't happy with the outcome if the meeting, take it to the next stage, whatever that is should be outlined on the policy.

Every single time your DD mentions on incident of bullying make sure it is documented. Email it to the HT, if you have her email address. Outline what's happened and ask her how she is going to protect your DD in future.

You cannot just ask the school "to keep an eye on it" when it's your DD's mental and physical health at stake.

Sounds like a stress reaction. My nephew went through a very anxious period where he had difficulties at school and he vomited virtually every morning before school for a couple of months. He then moved schools and the vomiting disappeared.

I hope you can get through to the head teacher about this op. This sounds like a classic case of bullying.

Document everything. Definitely look at the school’s bullying policy and write a formal letter. You may have to resort to keeping your child off if she is getting physically bullied and they don’t take it seriously. Try and join up with other parents in the class who are experiencing the same thing. If you still get no reaction you may have to get some legal guidance.

If you still get no reaction you may have to get some legal guidance.

Pre-academy says we wrote a formal letter requesting a response in writing within 3 working days and copied in the Governors and the LEA. It was sorted out the morning we hand delivered the letters and DS was not bullied again.

Yes. It was when my daughter threw up in the way to school that I finally got them to take it seriously. As a pp said, get the anti bullying policy and get it in writing. Your poor DD - hope it’s soon stopped.

Ok great, thank you everyone. I feel awful - I’m usually incredibly assertive. I don’t know how I’ve let this slide!
its just sort of slowly been creeping up on us. And when I first raised it, it was very much written off as ‘girls will be girls’ and the only advice was to set up some oaky dates with other girls - as if we don’t do that already.
at that time I didn’t know another mother was regularly complaining- I only recently found out.
fortunately I do have a pretty comprehensive record of what’s been going on - I always keep notes (thanks for training from legal run ins with work).
i have also recently sent an email outlining all the incidents - so the school also has a written record.
what put me off is the school has outstanding offstead report and is known in the community for being excellent - so I assumed they would be fully capable of dealing with issues like this. And also the meeting with the headteacher over attendance- where I was really made to feel like any failings in DD’s education is down to my faults. Even though I have solid evidence that all her days off have been down to genuine illness, they made me feel like I’m not taking her education seriously. This felt a bit outrageous, especially given my husband and I are on the fundraising team at the school and give up lots of our free time to raise money and I always call and make it very clear how I am working to get DD back into school when she’s ill - I.e docotos visits etc. add to this DD’s inital term teacher left suddenly right before term started so they haven’t had a proper full time teacher all yeart.
tbh the more I discuss this on here the more angry I get. I’m very disappointed, and I feel like I could already have handled this better - thanks for the advice going forward.

@user1466068383 yes it can cause abdominal migraines which can cause vomiting. Stress and anxiety can trigger them.

What are they doing to replace the Teacher. Has a full time Teacher been secured for the Summer Term?

I would try to keep the meeting with the HT on track, take someone with you if you can, preferably DH. Don't let her turn it into a meeting about attendance. The poor attendance is due to bullying, which you are there to ascertain what exactly they are going to do about it.

I would consider coming off the Fundraising Team too until this is bullying resolved and you've seen that the school is a good fit for your DD.

Thank you, this has been so helpful to talk this out and get constructive advice.
the best DH has come up with is - let’s call this other child’s parents and have a friendly chat, which I think is would be extremely inadvisable. As I see it this is a school safeguarding issue.
they haven’t even advertised for a new teacher, they say there’s no point doing so before the spring! So we’ve been having temps and a recently retired teacher. So absolutely no continuity of care.
i intended to go in there fully prepared and researched next week and really lay out my concerns and demand an action plan. Everyone’s advice has been so helpful.
it just hit us these last few days how much DD has changed - we put some of it down to tiredness and natural maturity - but seeing her so sick and upset again last night has really been a wake up call.

I would be very, very concerned about a school that hasn't even advertised yet as most Teachers have to give a full terms notice.

DS had two Teachers leave suddenly in Primary. One was because her DH had died very suddenly and she was near retirement age so decided to go, and the other was with a severe illness.

Both times a very good, long term substitute was sourced so they had one Teacher only for the rest of the year.

And I know you know this but do not, ever, phone the other Child's DPs. It won't end well and I'm not sure what he's expecting to achieve?

I know! I’ve told him he absolutely cannot talk to the other parents, I honestly can’t think of anything that would cause more chaos.
he’s one of those very positive people who believes the best in everyone. He also negotiates a lot at work and believes you can talk anything through. I think he thinks the parents have no idea what their child is up to - and once they know they’ll be completely reasonable and sort out their child. I am much more of a cynic - and also am very aware of the very emotional reaction most parents have to that type or news. I very much think bullying is the school’s responsibility.

yes, so as far as the teacher goes, the main teacher has been this retired teacher, but she only works 4 days and week and sometimes only 3, so on those days we have a temp that has changed twice. The main retired teacher has also had a few long holidays booked - so during those weeks we’ve had the temps. We only recently found out they hadn’t actually advertised yet, initially we were told the retired teacher would only stay till Jan - but in Jan we were told she was staying on and they haven’t advertised yet. So realistically we will not be getting a proper full time teacher this school year.
Now i write this all down, and order my thoughts, I feel like the school has really been dropping the ball on a lot of things this year.
last year was great, great teacher, DD was so engaged with school - loved going, had an excellent social life, was really coming on with her lessons etc. but this year has been awful - no proper teacher, this new child that isn’t being dealt with and no support.