Should I leave my husband?

[Mummy205]

My husband and I have been arguing constantly since our second baby was born (6 months ago now). I haven't bonded with her at all and am definitely suffering from PND, but doing as much as I can to get myself out of it. My husband says all I do is criticise him, which isn't true.. most of the day when we're talking via text or phone calls we are fine/normal with each other, but when he gets home I'll often ask him when he'll have time to sort a job around the house, or say something that he interprets as negative.. but as husband and wife I feel you should be able to ask about anything. It may seem like nagging but if I don't ask about jobs that need doing.. they're never going to get done and that then frustrates me - I know this may sound minor but it does seem like all we do is moan about the way the other person is treating one of us. I really struggle to see what I ever saw in him.. he isn't awful to me, abusive or controlling and he has supported me when I've felt really depressed but I do look at him now and feel no attraction whatsoever towards him, I do find it hard to say many things that are nice - I don't know if that's because I feel so low about everything else in life or if I've just fallen out of love with him. I feel I don't make him happy anymore and he doesn't make me feel happy either.. there's just very little joy in our lives anymore. I'm at home with the kids while on maternity leave and get little joy from them too, as I find it so overwhelming - but I do get breaks, my Mum is amazing and my husband will look after the kids in the evening if I want to meet a friend for dinner etc. so I know my situation is NOWHERE NEAR as bad as so many others I just don't really feel anything towards him anymore and that's making him unhappy and I feel that isn't fair on him. He isn't a bad person and does deserve to be happy.

I feel if we went to couples counselling and had to talk about what we liked about the other person, I'd honestly struggle to say much. He is a great Dad... but as time's gone on I just find him SO immature, his sense of humour, how he handles situations, what he says to people when we're out and about and it grates on me so much I feel myself cringe when I'm with him and can feel really embarrassed that he's 'my husband'.

Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation and has advice on what I should do?

I wouldn't make any progressively decision while you have so many difficult factors in play.

I would seek help to try to communicate and understand each other, whether that's advice you can implement yourself if you think you could, or whether that's 3rd party intervention counselling etc etc.

You will both have a valid perspective here and you owe it to yourself and your child to try to work things out before you light the blue touch paper.

Things could be very very different in a year or two and this is not a good time for a decision of that nature, you need to adjust to bring parents together and have chance to find your feet with the new dynamic, wounds inflicted in the melee need to be healed by reconciliation and repairs.

Give each other a chance, keep an open mind and keep talking

Irreversible decision that should say. Be

Would it be totally wrong of me to say a lot of women go off their husband a bit when they’re stuck at home with small children? That’s not to say your feelings aren’t valid, they are , totally.
But I have felt this way to some extent after all my babies. I didn’t even have pnd or bonding issues to contend with which consume a huge amount of headspace.

While your baby is so young, and you have PND, I wouldn’t make such a big decision. Get back to work and give it another 6/12 months.
I do understand what you are saying. I frequently feel embarrassed at my DH, and I got the ick a couple of years ago, so I do understand.

Give him time... its very early days after your second baby. I was very much in the same boat with my partner but I stuck it out and I'm falling in love with him again at 11 months pp. I had to sometimes stop myself hating him, by trying to see him as a flawed human who was doing his best for me and loves me. It was really hard at times!