Does anyone else feel like they’ve failed as a parent?

[Honeyorchocolate]

I know people might be tempted to give me lots of advice and I’d really like to ask them not to, as I’m not in a place where I can implement it. I’m genuinely just wondering if I am the only one who feels like this.

I have a two year old. It’s fair to say I’ve never found parenting him ‘easy’ - that period that everyone raves about where apparently all you need to do is sit and chill and watch box sets holding a baby never happened for us. But on the whole he’s probably not too bad, except he doesn’t do anything he’s told or really listen to me at all.

If we spend any length of time at home at all, the house ends up destroyed. He gets every toy he has out and just distributes them everywhere. He’s obsessed with opening/closing doors so if I try to do a household task like put clothes away it’s lethal as he slams doors shut. After a few extremely painful trapped hands/arms, I’ve given up.

He also climbs on everything, if I have to go somewhere with him guarantee he’ll climb and I’ll get someone (usually a woman of 60 plus) gasping and telling me he’s climbing. I bought him a train set for Christmas and I’ve had to put it in the loft as he wouldn’t stop climbing on it and he’d have gone through it. So that was that. But there is an identical one at nursery.

He won’t sit in a high chair or at a chair to eat so has his meals (when we’re in the house) in front of CBeebies. Otherwise he doesn’t eat, believe me this is tried and tested! He’s never been too bothered about food.

I know he’s like this because of my parenting, I guess I just feel like I may have years of teachers telling me things and judging me but I can’t think where I’ve gone wrong. Or rather I can but I don’t know what the alternative is, if he doesn’t care what I say and also I’m not going to go in for anything like smacking or similar. So I don’t know how others ‘discipline’ toddlers, when they give no cares for what you say?

Bless you, he is two! You have many years to go before you can even begin to assess the outcomes of your parenting.

He sounds like a perfectly ordinary, stubborn, curious two year old to me...bloody hard work but definitely no reflection of a parenting failure.

You're in this for the long haul. Toddlers are challenging but they are meant to be. I'm sure you're doing just fine!

I think he sounds like a normal toddler to me, nothing to do with your parenting. DD only eats stood up in-front of CBeebies, climbs everything and gets toys everywhere. All my friends with similar aged children have the same with toys being everywhere, it's totally normal

Ah thanks @MrsBennetsPoorNerves i think that is what I needed to read … it’s been a tough day. It’s just so discouraging when nothing you do or say seems to make a difference.

And @MrNook !

"He also climbs on everything, if I have to go somewhere with him guarantee he’ll climb and I’ll get someone (usually a woman of 60 plus) gasping and telling me he’s climbing."

What have you got against women of 60 plus?

Sexless people of indeterminable age tell me he is climbing, if this makes you happier.

I dont think many toddlers do as they are told!

He sounds like a normal toddler OP

This is very reassuring. Thank you.

He is 2 years old. You are barely out the parenting gates. You have not failed.

I found this age the most difficult part of parenting, when when they are into everything, a danger to themselves, and you have to constantly pay attention so they don't kill themselves but it is all just a bit tedious.

Don't worry. These bits will improve soon.

Totally normal! I hated most of the years one to three, and often felt I'd messed it all up. They're mad little bullying dictators at that age and sometimes it's soul destroying.

Ours are a bit older and all lovely now, hang in there x

I was apprehensive about posting, but I’m so glad I did. I veer between thinking my parenting is awful and thinking he is as you say a normal toddler.

The only advice I’ll give is - you don’t negotiate with a terrorist.

Put most of the toys away at any one time (in the car boot / in the loft / properly out of reach). Fewer out, less tidying.

If playing at home isn’t feasible for long, don’t do it. Go out daily / twice a day to a park / soft play / playground / whatever so he can run around and go wild, home for TV and dinner.

Have a few red lines (brushing teeth, not doing anything obviously dangerous) and stick to them, hang everything else.

Op this is so normal it’s not your parenting it’s having a toddler! And it’s not one size all fits all - mine will eat at the table but it’s blue murder to cut his toenails. He’s always been a climber I don’t think people get how exhausting it is if they don’t have one.
Slamming doors, turning on light switches etc etc we’ve had all that
sounds trite but it does get better. He’s three now and a lot of this has stopped - not the climbing sadly! Don’t be hard on yourself

I also found the more toys I had out the more the house became an utter zoo. I now keep 4-5 things out and rotate - we still have mess and never have a complete set of anything ir seems but it does make ir slightly more manageable!

I’ve seen toddlers like this too and they have wonderful mummies who are also totally different in styles! They just have climbing little balls of energy! My one is the polar opposite and I worry she’s not pushing enough boundaries 😂 but I also have those really testing days too! God don’t we all worry a lot as mums! I have read a book called ‘Calm Parenting’. I’m not into a lot of parenting advice either as every child is sooo different but I think there’s some great stuff in there about navigating this age without feeling you need to yell or like you say ‘smack’ etc. it just helped me feel like I was a bit more in control and had some strategies which can be really helpful and calming on those tough days! Otherwise I think you sound like you’re doing your best and so he’s a lucky boy!

I thought you were going to describe a 35 year old heroin addict (and it still wouldn’t necessarily be your fault!) Hugs to you, I had toddlers like this. They’re all grown up now and manage not to shock older ladies with their recklessness.

Two is hideous. Such hard work, you have to watch them every second and even then they find a way to try to kill themselves. I gave up on trying to do housework and just sat on the sofa and kept one eye on him, one eye on my phone/the TV. Mine used to climb everything and made a beeline for any open door. Also super picky with food, such a pain when they'll eat all the veg and curry up till then.

Go out as much as possible. Out of the house and strapped into the pushchair is much, much easier than being in one room all day. Reins if you have a bolter.

Accept that they don't listen to a word you say. Make life easy for yourself. Hide anything you don't want touched, give up on being a perfect parent, and just get through it.

Offer options. This or this? Pushchair or walk? Cheese or cracker? Mummy open it or you open it? It makes them feel like they have power. Two year olds fucking love power. Only offer options you actually want them to take!

I promise it gets better. Mine was much more pleasant from about 2.5 - I think language ability plays a big part. Once mine could talk in sentences he was a much more reasonable human. Big improvement again at 3.5, and now he's 4.5 he's brilliant (still tests my patience, but I would rather spend a day with him than most other people in the world).