Ds13 disappointment

[takeme]

My son lives for playing sport. Obssessed doesnt even cover it.

He has moved to a bigger school, his pals are often post puberty and he just isn't picked for the top teams as much as he was in his junior school. He used to be an A team for football, cricket etc but now scrapes fhe Cs

That isnt the problem- the problem is me. I really feel horribly disappointed for him if he is not picked . Like, it really makes me flat and low for days. It triggers something I cannot explain

He is much more even about it and I don't share my clear overreaction.

Anyone else have this. He is 13 - i know disappointment is good for them - but why do i feel so crushed on his behalf

Please be kind- i know it is pathetic

Your son's attitude is very sportsman like and healthy so I'd be proud of that. Some obsessed kids don't find joy in playing the sport and brings other people down when they treat a casual kickabout as if it were the World Cup final.
Can I assume that his interest in sport and good attitude means that he has good male friends in his life ? Playing lots of sport will hopefully mean a long healthy life for him.

@PeekAtYou thank you, yes he does seem
To have a good attitude about sports if he isn't picked and has a lot of friends he likes playing with.

I think you seem quite skilled at helping to reframe :-))

My oldest daughter has done dancing for years and a few years ago I was expecting her to quit as she isn't at the same level of others in her school. She hasn't ever won a medal at competitions. I too felt disappointed for her but came to understand this was my feeling not hers and I've come to be really very proud that she continues to throw herself into an activity she really enjoys and isn't put off by not being the 'best'. She still enters competitions and I have to try not to cry each time as I'm so proud. Not comparing yourself to others is a great source of resilience for life.

I think we just naturally want the best for our dc, especially if they're talented etc. I can also relate to the disappointed feelings. For me, it stems back to my childhood and now wanting ds to have all the opportunities I didn't have. It's good that you've hidden these feelings from your son and he sounds well adjusted. Life is tough and they won't always be the best/get picked so I guess the sooner they learn that, the better.

This is how I feel. I had very little opportunity or support when I was young so I want my DCs to take whatever they can and
OP I also feel really sad when my DCs don't do as well as I would have hoped. It's a weird feeling as you know that you shouldn't really feel like that but you can't really help it. Im sure mine stems back to my childhood experiences. As long as our DCs know that we are proud of them and we can support them when they feel disappointment, then it's ok