Not sure if nursery is right for dd. Unsure of what to do

[Atacrossroadnow]

Dd is 2. Severely autistic.

3 in summer so will be the youngest or one of the youngest in the year.

My plan was to send her to nursery x3 mornings a week from September then reception the year after BUT as her difficulties are getting worse I’m now considering other options which are :

Defer a year and do nursery sep 2024 then reception 2025

Skip nursery altogether this year and start reception 2024

Skip nursery , defer reception till 2025

I can’t work out if she needs an additional year to develop before trying any kind of setting or if actually going earlier would help. The last thing I want to do is start and she can’t cope then have to pull her out . I really don’t know what to do 😞

I should add it’s a school nursery attached to the primary she would go to and they only have a September intake

Have you asked the school/nursery what they think? They might be able to give some insight from experience

I would go for your first option.
Deferring a year definitely sounds like a good option for her.
I also think some time in a nursery/preschool setting could be valuable. If nothing else it would perhaps help you get access to proper support for her when she starts school. Get the ball rolling on any assessment and paperwork that could help her.

This is what I’m now leaning towards. I thought maybe she would be ready so applied but now it’s starting to look like she might not be but I can see how an early years setting would be beneficial as a stepping stone as going straight into reception might be too much

I’m going to ask for a meeting to go through everything I think

First option no questions.

If nursery is a struggle school would be worse.

My worry is misjudging it as if I start her in September this year and it goes wrong and I have to take her out then try again next year she will have formed a negative connection to going to the same place and then I think it will be worse. She’s so young too (august birthday) that plus the autism I just don’t know if this year is too early but then I think but what if accessing nursery earlier will help in the long run and I’m going round in circles stressing about it!

Could she do 2 years at the nursery? So start this coming September and still defer school a year

Is that possible ? I didn’t know if that was an option? I’m a bit confused in general about how it works with deferring reception but if you want to also go to the school nursery I’ll have to look into it because I keep thinking would going to a nursery actually be helpful and help her development etc as that was why I had applied and now I’m just so unsure

Young children thrive in the care and company of a parent who is focused on their well being. If you put your effort into providing an enriched environment (reading to her, taking walks where you seek out interesting and fun nature, and visiting museums and galleries and zoos as your circumstances allow), you will have provided for your daughter a most educational and productive year.

I would say nursery first and then they will know what she is like and get things in place for her to be ready for reception eg 1:1 or suggest she would be better in another setting. If she is summer born then she can do nursery and then reception a year later if the school will support this option.

Personally I would defer for a year. Get an EHCP in place. Consider a private nursery if you can find a good one - they often have more staff to children than school nurseries. My autistic daughter started a very small setting at 2.9 - I regret that now. I didn’t have her diagnosis then but I knew she was autistic. She was much more able to cope one year later and with hindsight I wish I had waited. My other child is in a school nursery and it is a lot more noisy chaotic and busy than my autistic daughters private nursery. Busy and noisy are not great if you’re autistic!

Have you contacted your local authority early years Senco (there's usually a team, possibly called portage/pre school teachers). They can advise you of the best setting for your child. There may be a specialist provision which would be more suitable.
In my area there is a specialist nursery unit. Children receive high levels of support from teachers and therapists. Some of these children go into mainstream schools with ARPs (assisted resource provision). The benefit is all the children receive maximum input and assessments (including EHCPs) in their early years.

As a childminder I've had lots of Send training and taken non verbal children who couldn't cope with nursery. It helped prepare him and get him used to others we started at short 15 minute sessions where I'd mirror his play and calm him then built up to full days. Initially he couldn't cope with groups but gently he got comfortable and would seek out certain children being happy to be with them. I raised his EHCP with mum and he started school in reception having gone from a 2 year old who couldn't climb on a chair or hold a spoon to getting into the car himself, self feeding, some signs and picture exchange. We worked on going to parks, cafes and shops so that mum could take him to and helped them prepare for a holiday.

I am portage and Senco trained