Sudden anxiety in 5 year old.

[OnNaturesCourse]

Background - DC has always been a "velcro child" and struggled somewhat in new and social situations. Having been at nursery for 2 nearly 3 years DC is still only able to name two classmates and one teacher. Plays happily in the small group or by self but never seeks more friendships etc. A little separation anxiety at the start of nursery but soon settled and has always been happy to go. Due to start school after summer.

Over the past month or so suddenly DC is not wanting to attend nursery or go anywhere without me, or if they do they ask to come home early even from Grandparents etc where previously they have thrived and often hard to get home from.

There has been a massive change in their behaviour too. Suddenly very up and down with their moods and emotions. Back to having meltdowns and very strong over reactions to small things. Issues getting to sleep and settling. Previously had none of these.

Today we even had real tears and upset at nursery drop off.

I have had a good chat with DC over lunch and they have said they have worries about things and sometimes they don't know what they are worrying about but it upsets them. I pressed on a little more and they have said the worry that is always there is going to school after summer and being away from me more and every day. This opened the flood gates and it seems all the worries stem from starting school, and the changes that come with it (will my friends go to, what about the teachers, will you still pick me up etc etc)

Previously I have always thought we've managed the separation and social anxiety pretty well, and it's always been overcome with very little hiccups, but this school matter is having a massive impact (bigger than starting nursery etc) and I'm not sure how to really manage it and help DC.

Sorry to ramble but looking for any help - books to read, advice from people who had similar situations with their children etc.

I should note that DC gets very quiet when unsettled and tends to bottle things up until they are home and one on one with me. So nursery etc are saying "oh they are fine when they are here" etc but I'm getting different feedback from DC.

Bump

Shameless bumping again

I didn’t want to read and run but don’t really have any advice, sorry. Is there pressure on her you don’t realise? Is it worth working on resilience? Making sure there’s lots of reassurance? How’s you and your partners attachment styles? Are you all securely attached? Is there anything you’re unconsciously projecting without meaning to? Any big changes recently? How are her vitamin and iron levels? Can you let her know you celebrate her as she is and there’s no need to change- not putting pressure on her to be more outgoing or brave? Just thinking points not accusations.

i think everyone gets anxious, even kids. But society doesn’t really hold space for worries, you’re either happy or in a negative emotion and it’s helped both me and my son to give space to the “bad” emotions and not see them as bad but just part of life. I guess becuase she sounds quite introverted you need to get her into the habit of sharing her worries and feeling safe to do so with you or your partner.

books I found helpful, the book you wish your parents had read, how to raise an adult, how children thrive (title is something like this, with a foreword by Sarah Jessica Parker of all the people you associate with raising kids!) and I find myself nodding along to Gabor mate when he pops up on my insta feed. Good luck!

They've always been a introvert, I am one myself.

I struggled quite a bit as a child and absolutely hated the company of most other kids, and if I did have a friend I was very much attached to that one child. DC is exactly the same but much more extreme with it.

Starting school soon and has been moved up a age class at her hobby lessons.

I would probably say as well other DC is the polar opposite and seeks attention and friendship... And is quite a hard child to parent in the sense they are a ball of energy and will push boundaries etc. I think sometimes this results in Dc5 being left to play or expected to do things themselves (get dressed etc) While Dc5 is happy doing this I think it's contributed to the "so things myself" attitude.

We are a very open household, DP and I are very regulated with emotions and the atmosphere in the home is quite relaxed and happy. Dc5 says home is their happy place and they just want to be there all the time, with me.

I recall a similar stage/phase when playgroup started a few years ago. But it wasn't this extreme and I honestly can't recall how we managed it.