Reason behind dd (5) delays?

[MummaBC]

Hi,

This is my first ever post so not sure I’m posting in the right category and forgive me if I go off on a tangent.

Dd is 5 years and 3 months and a little more than half way through reception. After her last parents evening I’m feeling a little sad although it was what I was expecting to hear.

I’ll start from the beginning, she was born full term with a straightforward birth, with hip dysplasia in one hip which was corrected after 2-3 months in a pavlik harness.

She struggled to gain weight and was a fussy baby until we started to introduce solids at 6 months, she became a happy, more contented baby, the sort that smiled at everyone, everywhere.

Dd was on the later end with all of the milestones, but seemed to always get there. Excluding speech, she started using single words within the expected realms but it just didn’t progress as you’d expect.

Fast forward to starting preschool age 2, still only using single words, no back and forth communication, this was flagged up at our first parents evening which was when I decided to get the ball rolling. I made a gp appt, contacted hv for salt referral etc…

Preschool were fantastic and gave her (and me) a lot of extra support. Gp wasn’t overly concerned but made a paediatrician referral who I had a phone call with when she was about 3.5y who suggested/suspected dyspraxia, we saw a paediatrician last summer who then wanted a second opinion from OT who we finally saw last week. She noticed some balance, coordination issues and a difference in strength on both sides of her body (forget the correct term) and wants to see Dd again in a few weeks.

We have been having NHS Salt 6 weekly since she was about 3.5y also, with great progress. She struggles mostly now with pronunciation and speech sound errors (I could go into more detail) however she has come on in leaps and bounds and now is mostly intelligible to people who didn’t know her and after a private salt assessment the context of her speech was deemed in the realms of age appropriate.

I was so worried about her starting reception and not being understood or that it would impact her making friends etc… though she has settled in perfectly and loves it. She is such a happy, confident, sweet, kind girl. Who just seems younger than other girls her age.

So parents evening (her teacher is lovely) but was easily able to say Dd won’t meet the expected criteria by the end of term, but is happy, settled, tries very hard and progressing albeit at her own rate.

I guess I was naive to how much learning they do in reception, and was shocked at how much she was expected to know/be able to do by now.

She can write her name and a few familiar words (mummy, daddy, love) by memory, knows all of her sounds and can write any words I spell out for her, her teacher commented on her neat letter formation. Though she still holds her pencil in a foster grasp, which doesn’t seem to affect her negatively. She loves to draw/write colour and spends almost all of her time doing this. She draws lovely, fairly detailed pictures. In regards to reading she is only just starting to segment and blend and only can with simple words ie cat, dog.

Her teacher and both salts disagree with dyspraxia.

I have rambled and probably missed a lot out at the same time….

My main concern as she gets older that she becomes more aware and it affects her confidence, especially with going into year one, the gap between her and her peers may widen.

I guess I’m just after anyone who can relate or any insight. Is there always a reason behind a delay? What more can we be doing to help her?

I honestly am not concerned if she isn’t academic, so long if she is happy and content in herself which I guess is my main worry as she grows up.

anyway, sorry and thank you if you got to the end of this and thank you in advance for any replies.

🫶🏼

I understand your worry, but it sounds like you have good nhs support in place and your child is happy at present? My young DD has significant global delays/lifelong physical difficulties/chronic pain and all I want is for her to be accepted, seen and valued for the joy she is - and I’m sure you want this too so please don’t get too bogged down with reception-age “expectations”. My adult DD has dyspraxia, it wasn’t diagnosed until she was 9, also severe adhd, and is a teacher…her coordination and organisational difficulties and proclivity for obsessing on things that catch her attention give her an empathy for a wide range of her students. Your daughter, with your loving support, will be as she already is - incredible! Keep communicating with school, and try to focus on the bigger picture of her overall happiness. She can already do so much more than so many.

Oh, and I’m incredibly academic, diagnosed as gifted at an early age, and have always been lonely and disconnected from the majority of people…my daughters however, have good, supportive, friends. I hope I’ve reassured you even a little.

Thank you so much for your lovely response. I’m sorry to hear of your daughters struggles, as mothers we just want the world to see them through our eyes don’t we. Lovely to know that dyspraxia has bought such positive positive attributes to your elder daughter’s personality, and it seems like it hasn’t held her back at all.

Yes she is happy (and blissfully unaware of her difficulties at present) and yes after a fair amount of perseverance we have support in all the right places. You are right it’s so easy to get bogged down with the negatives.

And thank you for sharing that your academia hasn’t always been a positive in your life, I’m sorry for that, though it helps put things in perspective.

You have given me some reassurance and a help with trying to see things through a more positive light 🙏🏻

Bump 🙏🏻

She just sounds like a child on the lower range of the academic spectrum

This is really not the most important thing in life, at all, but it is the most important thing in school

So your job is to feed her self confidence and nurture her interests, and always make it about the effort, not the result, and make sure she knows that you hold other qualities far above academic achievement - such as kindness, resilience, etc

The chances are she will be a happy, popular and successful adult in her own niche, but getting a child like this there means navigating an education system which can be damaging and alienating for them

She needs to be on the SEND register, and you might want to consider if she qualifies for a ECHP later - this is ensure her targets are realistic for her, and she gets the right support

She has a mum who is on her side and wants the best for her, so she is going to be fine

My DD is 5.5 and sounds like she is a at a very very similar academic stage. She had neonatal meningitis so had been closed followed. She was also a late speaker and only had 20 words at 2.5- but luckily her vocab exploded soon after this. She also has/had some pronunciation difficulties when she started reception which I didn't notice until the teacher pointed it out at the first parents evening. So all in all very similar.
I have second parents evening tonight so who knows what will be said.

However if your daughter is healthy and happy please don't be too disheartened by academic achievement... she is only just 5. Enjoy her happy self, support with extra practice on areas of weakness at home, and don't let her know that you're worried about any of this x

She's a dinky dot with years ahead of in the education system and you've already got early intervention sorted so you are an amazing Mum for doing that. There's a reason the Scandi/European children don't start school unti

Sorry, too quick. 7
I have an autistic child who was two to three years behind age milestones from reception through to year 4. Suddenly took the leap and it's consistently 2-3 years ahead of age group academic milestones. Speech is still tricky with unfamiliar people but apart from that, she's flying.
They all shine in their own time

Your daughter is maybe a little behind what they expect but she has loads of time to catch up and this is so early in it really doesn't matter. She is happy and has friends that is the most important thing please value that above all else. I bet there are mums reading this that are dreading getting their child to school this morning because they hate and have no friends. Honestly pick the big things to worry about. This isn't a problem.

She’s happy OP and sounds like she has settled in really well.

My eldest has always been a bit behind his peers academically, was also under SALT, but he was and is ahead of them in so many other ways.

My advice would be to stop comparing, comparison is the thief of joy.

Also, it’s difficult if you or your child has gone through something over which you or they didn’t have any control, like the dyspraxia, so sometimes these things play into our hopes and worries as well.

It’s not a race and your daughter sounds like she is thriving and has a very supportive and caring Mummy.

*dysplasia that should have read, whilst being mindful of your dyspraxia comment

Hi OP has your DD’s hearing been checked?

It sounds like she’s grasping the basics she now needs lots of practise. You could use from now until summer to practise reading lots with her, ask her questions about what she’s read as well as practise her reading. How is she with maths?

Google end of year expectations for reception to give you an idea of what is expected as I know you said you were surprised.

Finally, accept that she might not be the highest academically (although that can change) she’s achieved so much in her life so far and sounds happy which is the most important thing.

I would forget the academic stuff. try not to look to far ahead.

Her teacher has said she is happy and settled and that is what really matters.

Regardless of what she does academically, happy and settled is what matters, right? Who's to say she won't remain happy and settled all the way through school.

Plenty of very academic children are not happy and settled, sadly.

Academic ability is a spectrum, there will be plenty of children at either end of that spectrum. It doesn't even sound like your daughter is particularly on the extreme end anyway, probably somewhere still in the middle ish.

With supportive parents she will be absolutely fine

*to look TOO far ahead

Thank you all for your kind, helpful responses.

She has had her hearing tested a few times as had a couple of issues with fluid, then one very blocked ear. But passed the most recent one with no issues.

She is our only child so don’t have much to compare to in terms of maths, she is only just getting the grasp of basic sums ei - 2+3…. 6-1, however she is very interested and constantly asking “how many (whatever object) are there mummy” and counting things….

I try and take every opportunity to help her learn, walking to school for example, reading signs, numbers on doors etc. However she doesn’t respond well to ‘formal learning’ with me & daddy. If we suggest sitting at the table and doing maths she would clam up. Sort of has to be on her own terms or made into a fun game.

Dd definitely responds better to professionals, S&L therapist, teacher etc… Her teacher said she is so keen to please, and tries very hard. Not quite the experience me and daddy have. Therefore we have been thinking about perhaps some extra tuition.

I am in two minds, as most have stated she’s so young and I don’t want to push her and possibly create a negative attitude towards learning. But on the other hand I don’t want to look back when she is older and wish we had done more.

Just to reiterate academia really isn’t at the top of list of priorities for her at all, I just want her to be happy. ❤️

@noita Thank you 🫶🏼 Good luck with parents evening, your dd sounds like she is doing great 💫