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Stressed about nursery

12 replies

Mamabear04 · 20/03/2023 19:07

DD turned 3 years just before Christmas and started nursery middle of January. She had never been looked after by anyone else other than myself, DH and DGP so she had 2 settle in days of 2 hours each. The first day and stayed with her and she was very confident (for her anyway) going away from me into different rooms while I filled out paperwork. On day 2 DH left her by herself and on pick up was head to toe on glitter and chatting away about how much fun she had. The next week for her first full afternoon (she just goes 3 afternoons a week and then 1 full day with DGP and 1 full day with me) was upset on pick up and when she got home she said a boy had hit her. I called the nursery and no one had seen anything but they said they would deal with it by writing an incident report and dealing with the boy. Since then she has been upset to go. She did have a few weeks where she seemed to be doing better (still crying on drop off but seemed happy when there and on pick up) but then caught chickenpox and was off for a week then the follow week only attended 2 afternoons on account of immunisations.

Fast forward to now (2 months) since starting nursery and she is just hating it. She cries on dropp off and then today when I picked her up she just looked miserable. The teacher said she'd been crying most of the day for me and that whenever another parent turned up to pick up a kid it would set her off.

Basically I think she is very upset about this boy who hit her. The nursery say they keep an eye on him but literally every time I pick her up from inside her rooms he is always right next to her. He is very big for his age and they say he is still very young but he must be almost exactly the same age as DD as she has just turned 3yo and the room she is in is 3-5yo. DD is of course very sensitive so anything the boy does ie accidentally bang into her, shout too loud etc I think causes her stress.

DD has also tagged onto one of the nursery teachers (as what I can imagine as a surrogate for me) and will not leave her side.

I just feel so stressed seeing DD so upset and not being able to help. I just don't know what to do. I try telling her to go to another room if she doesn't like being near the boy but she won't leave the teachers side so if that teacher can't move room then she won't either. I've tried telling DD to tell the teacher if she is finding it hard but that doesn't seem to do anything. What am I supposed to do to help? I try not to let her see how I feel about it and try to speak positively about it. I try to talk about the other children who are nice and all the fun things she could do at nursery but she just replies "I don't want to have fun" "I just really miss you mummy". It is honestly breaking my heart!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Mamabear04 · 20/03/2023 19:57

Anybody?

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 20/03/2023 20:02

why is she in the nursery?

NewMum0305 · 20/03/2023 20:32

What an unhelpful reply!

OP, what are the staff at the nursery saying - not just about the boy but about what they are doing to support your daughter at nursery? x

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Nimbostratus100 · 20/03/2023 20:33

why is it unhelpful? I am asking why she is there. Can't make any suggestions without even knowing what she is there for.

Truckinghell · 20/03/2023 20:35

Nimbostratus100 · 20/03/2023 20:33

why is it unhelpful? I am asking why she is there. Can't make any suggestions without even knowing what she is there for.

Childcare, one would imagine.

Beseen22 · 20/03/2023 20:47

Some kids run in and some kids take a while. Both of mine have taken a while. My youngest is ages with yours, the pandemic was really tough on that age and the transition can be really difficult. Having back to back days at nursery ( but shorter times) can be helpful. Try to drop confidently, always say bye and go, she sounds like a very intuitive little girl and will pick up on any anxiety you have. You certainly won't be the first mum to be sobbing in the car and you can always call 15 mins after to make sure she's OK. Latching on to a staff member is an entirely appropriate behaviour, my DS followed his key worker about like a little shadow for a month and eventually realised other kids were more fun. Also I tried the thing where I drew a little heart on me and on him and he loved that.

Mamabear04 · 20/03/2023 21:55

@Beseen22 I like the idea of the hearts, that's lovely. Part of me wonders if it is partly to do with growing up with so much time in lockdown and not having a normal experience of infancy. When she turned 2 years old and things opened up again I took her along to toddler groups and that helped a little but she does still struggle with loud/busy environments.

@NewMum0305 the nursery just say they are keeping an eye on her and making sure the boy behaves around her. She's my first child so it's my first experience of nursery top really. I'm not sure what they should be doing to help her. I really do think she would benefit from making friends but she is so fixated on following her favourite teacher about.

It's worth saying that she likes to be near me, DH or DGP when at home or at DGp house. I've been trying to encourage independent play but she won't even play in her room by herself upstairs. She always wants someone with her and won't go even if I leave all the doors open.

She's at nursery because DGP are getting older (they used to have her 2 full days while I was at work). I'm currently on mat leave and am bloody exhausted keeping her constantly entertained and looking after an 8mo. I also think it's really important that she starts to develop social skills and interacts with other kids. Every other kid her age that I know has been in nursery since 12mo. Maybe it's my fault for sending her so late!

OP posts:
parietal · 20/03/2023 22:07

she is fine tagging along with the keyworker. make sure you chat to the keyworker and talk to your DD about how nice keyworker is and how she will have a good day playing with keyworker. If she is ok hanging out with an adult for now, that is fine.

BlackBarbies · 20/03/2023 22:12

Nimbostratus100 · 20/03/2023 20:02

why is she in the nursery?

Because some parents have to work and have no one to look after their children? Because it’s good for the child’s development to be around other children especially at that age?
Because sometimes parents just need a bloody break even if that’s for a handful of hours a day!

The list can go on and on. You didn’t even come to give real advice, you just came to drop your snarky response then fuck off

NewMum0305 · 20/03/2023 22:52

The reason I ask is my daughter (now nearly four) had a period of not wanting to go to nursery due to the behaviour of another child (though not as bad as your DD) and we had some tearful drop offs.

One thing her nursery did was ask her to help set up breakfast for the younger children when she arrived which helped give her something to do and focus on. That’s sort of what I meant when I asked if your nursery was doing anything. It’s all well and good them keeping an eye on the boy and plenty of children have trialled around after their key person at nursery, but if she has been described as upset pretty much all day, I would be expecting them to make some suggestions as to how to support her. It might be worth a chat about that specifically, taking the focus off the boy?

Agree with PPs re not dragging out drop-off, as horrible as it is to leave them upset.

It is a phase and one that will seem very distant a few years from now but appreciate at the moment it must be pretty horrible for you. I really hope things improve for you soon x

JJMRJJ · 09/01/2024 23:20

My 3 year old had just started nursery a couple of days ago (I know it’s still early days) but I can’t help but sit at home stressing about whether he’s play with other or is he just on his own, is he crying for me or is he having fun. I have asked the nursery but they said “it’s still early days” which has been making it all play on my mind even more. How do I get over the stress and overthinking it, I’ve debated just pulling him out but don’t want to if he is genuinely enjoying it and just getting upset towards the end because he’s tired (that’s what the teachers told me) or are they just saying that to put my mind at rest but in reality he is upset all day asking for me and not playing with the other kids. I’m stuck on what to do

Laura0589 · 10/01/2024 21:33

Mine started at 2 and it took a good couple of months, probably 3 until he was running in. Once they bond and get to know the staff it will be better. Knowing the nursery routine helps too. My little boy was just the same and had only been looked after by mum/dad/grandparents. I once forgot his comforter toy and came back to give them it and he was crying it was awful and I felt like taking him home so I understand how stressed you must feel. I found talking about ‘going to nursery’ the night before/ when getting up and ready/travelling there helped prepare him and reduced bad drop offs.

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