I can't cope with our 4 year old anymore

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

We are on meltdown 7 of the day. Anything can do it. He suddenly refuses to walk, ends up having to be dragged home. Meltdown because he doesn't want a pair of trousers. Suddenly starts grabbing or throwing or headbutting. Talks constantly- I mean constantly. Will start repeating the same phrase over and over again - he must have said 'oh the stink face' over 300 times yesterday. Will not occupy him self at all - I mean at all.

I hate life. I hate every day. I cannot cope with this anymore.

This sounds tough for you. If this is a typical day for him it would be worth speaking to your GP about whether there is an underlying reason for his behaviour such as ADHD. That would then help to work out how his behaviour can be managed.

He sounds like my 3 year old (especially the repeating certain phrases until I want to scream!), he's under referral for ASD.

GP has been useless so we are going private. This is a worse than normal day but not out of character

Does he go to nursery? The senco there might be able to help, or possibly the health visitor? I got the process started by asking the health visitor to get the public health nurse to call me, then she sent questionnaires and forms for me and nursery to fill in.

What is he into OP? Does he have any obsessions? If he does then use those to your advantage. What does he want to spend all his time talking about? Engage him in that when you're out an about. Mine has ASD and this is what I used to do to get him out for a walk. Do activities with him based around his obsessions, make scrap books, watch videos, read books, get toys (or real items) to play out whatever he is into, print out pictures for him to cut/colour.

If he does have ASD then keep in mind he might not like certain materials so might not like certain clothes, this would be typical. He might find some places very over whelming, lights, noise, busyness. Look at the things he is melting down over and see if you can find patterns, triggers, reasons. Repeating a familiar phrase over and over to himself may be his way of calming himself.

To encourage him to do things by himself set up something you know he'll like, start doing it with him then set him goals to achieve while you do something else - can you finish colouring the train/build some fields for the animals with the blocks/make a station for the trains with the duplo while I put clothes on to wash - check in verbally while doing the chore. Then come back join in for five minutes and then set him another goal while you do something else.

If you can find ways to work with him and learn what he can and can't cope with then it will make life so much easier for both of you I promise.

Not into anything obsessively. He likes puzzles so we do those together a lot (though it's tricky with a 2 year old too)

We definitely suspect ADHD or ASD. He is currently screaming his head off on the trampoline because DH is watching him but standing up and he wants him to sit down.

The words, the constant barrage... can't even make a short phone call when I have him because he simply won't stop. Im trying so so hard but we are worn out. He's up before 6 every morning.

I'm sorry OP, I have no advice but this sounds really tough. All I can say is that it's normal to feel angry and fed up - I would be too in your shoes.

I see you're already looking for a diagnosis so fingers crossed things improve soon !