I feel like such a bad mum

[Icylemontea]

I have a 3 year old son and a 11 month daughter. Two young kids is a lot more tiring than I ever anticipated and I feel like I’m making so many mistakes as a mum. My son took a battery powered toy with him to the bath for a few days before it was discovered (my husband thought it was a bath toy and allowed him to) and today I accidentally gave my son a piece of chocolate containing rum. My anxiety is currently through the roof and I feel like such a terrible mother…Do I need to get medical advice on bathing with the battery powered toy or eating chocolate containing rum?

Ah bless you. No, if there was a problem with the toy it would have happened in the bath. Obviously don't put battery toys in the bath again but don't beat yourself up as no harm done. The rum chocolate again no, I wouldn't worry about that either.

You certainly aren't a dreadful mother! There isn't a parent alive that hasn't done something silly or something that they regret.

Are you managing to get a break at all? Or enough sleep? I only say that as I know how tiring little ones can be so try to take time for yourself if at all possible and relax. I know it's easier said than done.

Oh and if it makes you feel any better one of the many things I have done wrong is that my youngest is allergic to dairy. I have on occasion given him dairy butter on his toast or in his food instead of dairy free spread. Total mind blank but obviously not great! Thank goodness it's not a life threatening allergy!

Thank you so much. I’ve not had more than 4 hours sleep at a time since my daughter was born and the last few days have been especially tiring as both my husband and I are sick. I feel so out of it and making a million mistakes with the kids :(

You aren't a dreadful mother, all parents make mistakes I promise. It's normal and you must be having such a difficult time with 2 children, of course you aren't going to be perfect as no mother is even with 1. There was no harm done anyway and mistakes will help you learn to prevent a worse situation happening later if it would come.

I can say that it will get better. The sleep will get better and I really hope you and your husband get better soon as well. ❤

Oh it really sounds hard, no wonder if you are wrecked and ill too! Do you have any family support to help at all? If not then stick something on the tv for the older one tomorrow and try to have a chill out day x

You’ll make many more mistakes and you’ll have to learn the art of self forgiveness! Parenting is actually a lot about mistakes so celebrate the small wins! Parenting when sleep deprived is extremely tough! Be kind to yourself. I’d tell you my mistakes to make you feel better but they’d fill a book I’m sure. They’ll grow up , they’ll make mistakes themselves and you’ll have to learn to be just as kind to them about their mistakes as you are to yourself. There’s no such thing as a perfect parent, we’re all learning as we go along.

Hi @Icylemontea i totally hear you x
I haven't slept for 24 hours, my baby girl only sleeps in my arms atm as she has a temperature / teething.
You're doing great, don't worry x

We all do things like that with our kids even if we try to be careful.

my eldest was taken in an ambulance to hospital when he was a baby - after being scalded by my cup of hot water i’d accidentally left somewhere he could reach it. That was my lowest parenting point! And i was the over the top first time parent who’d bought every child safety device in the shop. Fortunately he was ok - although after weeks of hospital appointments and painful bandage changes. He is 14 - and we joke about now!

i remember once i forgot to strap my other child into his car seat - i only realised when i braked and he hit the back of my chair 🫢. He was ok - just cried a bit.

there were many other incidents like this -and my children have turned out largely ok!

Oh love you must be exhausted. No wonder you feel awful and worried, lack of sleep will do that to anyone. The incidents you mentioned are really no big deal: they happened, no harm was done, you noticed and corrected the issues. You're a good mum, but a very tired mum.

The rum chocolate thing isn't a big deal at all. It wouldn't even register in my head as a mistake. Just one of those things.

And the battery powered toy - well tbh that was your DH's mistake not yours. So you're in the clear too. :)

You don't need to seek medical attention for either of these incidents: it would have been very obvious if he'd had a dangerous electric shock in the bath.

I know how you feel though. My landlord came over the other day and said "I really need to rip up these floorboards. The previous tenants were always worrying about their children cutting themselves on the rusty exposed nails." I have an 18 month old who learned to crawl and walk here, it never occurred to me to worry about the floor! I honestly thought it was fine. Felt like a terrible mother when he said that.

@Icylemontea you are doing a great job!!

we all have stories like what you have described, we are human and these things happen. No harm came to them!

My mate and her husband were so sleep deprived when they had their first, they got pram in boot, baby bag ready, bottle sorted etc then set off to Tesco.

Got to Tesco and realised baby was still at home in the car seat in the living room 😬😂