Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Second baby - 100% certain?

30 replies

EssexMamisoa · 18/03/2023 20:26

I have one DC who I absolutely adore. I always thought I’d want two DCs, but since having my first DC I am not so sure that I actually want two DCs anymore. I think probably because I vastly underestimated how exhausting having a baby is (I am also pretty certain I had a high needs baby).

Is there anyone out there who has had two DCs but not been 100% sure beforehand? If yes what was your experience?

I don’t want to leave it too long but I don’t feel I can bring a second DC into the world without being sure.

My initial reasons (and the reasons that still prey on my mind) for wanting a second DC are factored around giving my DC1 a sibling, as well as a hint of social pressure.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Ollyr1993 · 02/05/2023 18:48

Oh wow @eatdrinkandbemerry that must have been quite a shock! I can't imagine how that felt, did you find out what you were having? How old is your second now?

I do appreciate that I shouldn't just assume we can have another at the drop of a hat, it might not work out that way but I want to make sure we're certain about trying before we get going with the baby dance 😆

Prior to this I had known I'd be disappointed if I was pregnant which sounds awful but I would have been due to the tiredness and anxiety of the newborn phase. Whereas now, I can start to feel the excitement a little bit and I'm building myself up to face the night feeds and 4am get ups!

Ollyr1993 · 02/05/2023 18:52

@Roselilly36 That's lovely and exactly what I hope for. I know the age gap will be a bit bigger but I'll do everything I can to make sure they're close and hopefully friends for life ❤️

Original poster

EssexMamisoa · 02/05/2023 19:24

Ollyr1993 · 02/05/2023 18:36

That's exactly it. I feel like I'm having to decide what's best for my son and I just don't know if that's a sibling, or the additional time we can devote to him as an only child and the experiences we can afford if we don't extend our family.

I have two older brothers, 4 and 5 years older (my mum started trying immediately after having her first, she wanted them super close in age so there's only 12 months between them! How she did it I'll never know) and she says it just all falls into place. They were best friends growing up and remain close in their 30s though not as close just due to different lifestyle choices. We're all adults now but we have eachothers backs. My mum and dad always regretted not having another as a friend for me as I clung to them a lot and they often took my best friend on holidays with us. As morbid as this sounds, I don't want my son to have to care for me and my husband when we're elderly or to mourn us on his own. I know others will but only he will feel the loss of his parents in that way if he doesn't have a brother or sister. I'm basically telling myself to suck it up, to look forward the good bits and to know that whatever happens we'll survive it and be an amazing family of 4. Yes it might mean one holiday ever year or two as opposed to two a year, but that's not a huge thing and my gut tells me I should jump in.

We didn't have a lot of help the first time round at all and would be even less this time I guess with having two. But I think I'd be more relaxed and put less pressure on myself, if I don't tidy the house or get out that day, so be it. And who knows, maybe we'd have a "dream baby" next time who sleeps through from 6 weeks and never cries?! I think it's better to have experienced the demanding, non sleeping baby so you kind of expect it next time and can try to mentally prepare, than to have had the dream baby and think it'll be the same then be in for a total shock!

Sorry huge message but it's on my mind so often and it's only now that I'm kind of on the turning point of sod it, let's do it! We can't actually start trying for another few months as need to make sure our first gets his 30 free hours in April by the time I'd be on mat leave otherwise we wouldn't afford the nursery fees! (I'm the main earner so the drop in income for mat leave will be excruciating but I will have to curb my taste for take aways 🤣)

I can’t really help massively but again I can relate to all your comments if that does somehow help you.

This - next time who sleeps through from 6 weeks and never cries?! I think it's better to have experienced the demanding, non sleeping baby so you kind of expect it next time and can try to mentally prepare, than to have had the dream baby and think it'll be the same then be in for a total shock - I say this to my DH often!!! Ie “maybe we will get lucky and a second Dc won’t be high needs and I’ll be one of those mums who’s newborn naps in the day and sleeps longer than 45 minutes at night.” Actually I need to be careful as I have sort of got it in my head that a second Dc won’t be anywhere near as high needs as dc1, which quite frankly may not be the case.

As above all my comments to be taken with a pinch of salt as I know any Dc is a blessing and pregnancy cannot be guaranteed. Actually I worry about secondary infertility a lot where I like to worry, plus dc1 was emergency cs.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

anotherscroller · 02/05/2023 19:26

I would just add that I think when you’re ready you will feel it.
personally I found 14 months to be the hardest age, in fact 10-14 months were the hardest. I felt ready around the time
mine turned 2. But it’s different for everyone.

CurlewKate · 02/05/2023 19:30

I felt like that-but as time was marching on, I just held my nose and jumped. Having two children is wonderful. Watching them relate to each other was (and is-they are both grown up now) is the best thing ever. I still remember with joy the first time my dd said "we" and I realised she meant herself and her younger brother and not her and me. If you're certain you only want one, then that's right for you. If you're swirthering-then go for another!

Flip

1 2