3yo hitting and biting - need advice
Willow4987 · 18/03/2023 18:22
Posted this on another page but I think it doesn’t get much traffic so re-posting here for help
I need some advice!
my just turned 3 year old is hitting/biting his older brother
he has a speech delay which we believe is some of the cause of the issue due to frustration (nursery agree with this - he’s occasionally displayed these behaviours there also)
he’s on the one hand a loving, cuddly sweet boy and then on the other is a typical 3 year old with tantrums and unable to manage his emotions etc
We’ve tried reading all the books (hands are not for hitting, big feelings books), we redirect the behaviour, comfort his brother to show he’s been hurt, eventually get him to apologise, removed him from the activity, told him ‘no, x behaviour isn’t kind’ etc
i just don’t know what to do to get the situation to improve. His speech is so much better than it was even a month ago - we have little sentences now. But the behaviour is actually getting worse
he’s quite a cheeky child - if you say stop, he laughs and carries on. He sees any attention, good or bad, as a positive and as such shouting etc has zero effect on him
I just at my wits end and don’t know how to improve this
i understand it’s partially developmentally normal (and nursery assure us it’s common at this age group) but his brother is being hurt and I want to try and stop it as quickly as possible
any other suggestions we haven’t tried? Should we involve other professionals?
Anoushka1986 · 18/03/2023 23:43
@Willow4987 just wanted to let you know you are not alone. My 3 year old has recently started pushing, hitting, biting. I really hate it. I don't know exactly what to do but we think he likes the reaction so if he does it we just get up and walk away without saying anything. Then later on I will talk to him about it, show some empathy towards his dad (if it was done to dad), try to get him to apologise and talk about what he could have done differently.
I really don't know if it's working or not but not sure what else to do. It's so hard! Our boys language is very good so not sure it's entirely related to that but I think he just acts on his impulses.
Willow4987 · 19/03/2023 00:18
@Anoushka1986 its so hard isn’t it! I just wish he’d grow out of this phase quickly but no idea how long it will go on for and I feel like an awful parent.
it doesn’t help that DS is physically large and strong for his age so he can quite easily overpower his older brother.
what you’re doing is pretty much what was suggested by another poster on a different post so hopefully it works for us both soon!
dollypartin · 19/03/2023 00:40
I don't have this specific issue but a few things to think about:
1- my DS doesn't mind being told off, she thinks it's funny. But if you take away a toy she is playing with as punishment or put her in another room, she gets really upset and she does change. So just see what will make him listen.
2- change your tone of voice. Maybe even record yourself. Using a soft tone to say No just as you would anything else is confusing for them. So just make sure you get an authoritative voice and body language to make him really listen.
3- I have seen other kids not grow out of this "phase". Take it seriously and keep trying.
Good luck!! I can tell you're trying your best 🙏❤️
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