I’m a lone parent. My ex partner has said he may want to see dc at some point but he’s not ready yet. He has some problems but as he has a (very) decent job he’s been reasonable about finance (so far) and has been paying me 850 a month. Dc is now 5 months. I think he’s awful for not getting to grips with himself ASAP but I’ve tried to tread carefully as I hope in time they may have a relationship of sorts. He also made it clear when I was 12 weeks that he didn’t think he wanted to be a dad (unplanned and not been together that long, just a couple of years) and so I could have terminated but I didn’t want to, and I knew he may have been like this so I can’t really complain. We will never be a couple again (he was never around and worked non stop anyway) and im struggling with feeling like my child is suffering because I’m not doing as well as I could be if we were together.
What im doing ok… dc is always bathed, clean clothes, clean bedding, fed on demand, has lots of things to play with. I read with them once or twice a day for five or ten minutes so not very long. I do chat to them throughout the day. The material/basics are covered, I think. So the easy stuff really.
what I’m not doing so well is this… when I can I will go off and cook and leave them in front of the tv while they watch it and play. I will leave them to cry if I’m in the shower… spent a long time waiting for them to sleep to time it but it’s just not possible all the time and some days I’m so exhausted I can hear them crying but I just continue with my shower, I don’t even rush that much. I will leave them and watch tv while they are on the play mat. At night I will rock the crib to make them sleep again rather than feeding, though I think this is ok as they go back to sleep quite quickly so perhaps not waking up for food. In the mornings I will let them cry if I need ten mins to just open the curtains or think for myself for a few mins before getting up. He needs cream for under chin and it’s such a battle that I don’t always do it. I know it’s not life threatening but I feel like if I was in a couple it would always be done every time. I just feel if I was sharing the load I would be SO much better but I have to remind myself my ex partner would have helped maybe 20% as he was so engrossed in work. But still, that 20% might make me read a bit longer with dc etc.
I feel so rubbish about myself and can’t seem to drag myself out of it today. I can’t believe I’m someone who leaves my baby to cry when I’m feeling like I can’t face it. Can anyone talk? Feeling low and like this is it for me now, I’m already 36.
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Can anyone talk? not doing so well today
13 replies
teaspoonh · 18/03/2023 11:25
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